Care Manager

TyroneSlothrop

Has anyone on this forum worked with a Care Manager?  I am in discussions with a couple, hoping that they might help me to get care for my DW, including the challenge of helping her understand why it is needed.  DW is physically robust, but demented more and more frequently (although not all the time), and declining steadily.  She wants to live at home (where I work) and this makes sense to me, too.  I hope a Care Manager will earn his high billing rate by finding and managing in-home caregivers, evolving as DW's needs evolve.

Any relevant experiences here?

Thanks,

Tyrone

Ed1937

Tyrone, I did not use one. But I think they can be useful, although trying to make her understand why she needs care might be a futile effort. Please let us know how it works for you.

jfkoc

I am with Ed and if the care manager thinks they can help convince you wife then move on.

I would ask what they would do specifically and I would ask for references.

harshedbuzz

Most people I know who have used a Care Manager, were adult children who were either super busy with their own families and careers or weren't local to their PWD. That said, they can be a good resource for in-home caregivers, day programs and facilities in the area in which they work. 

Unfortunately, your wife likely has anosognosia and is unable to appreciate that she has suffered a decline in her cognition. If this is the case, there is no amount of money you can throw at this problem that will convince your wife she needs help. It will just feel like gaslighting to her.

You may need to introduce the caregiver using a therapeutic lie we like to call a fiblet. She may be more accepting of someone in the house if introduced as a "housekeeper" to help her or maybe as an assistant for a friend who is down on their luck and needs work. 

Another common behavior associated with dementia is the need of the PWD to "shadow" their preferred caregiver. If this is happening, you may find bringing help into the home isn't enough to avoid her seeking your attention rather than allowing the caregiver to assist her. If this is the case, a day program might be a better option for you.

HB

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Cherjer

Hi Trone...I have worked with my care manager for over three years (maybe more), and she has been wonderful. We meet about once a month (and is not cheap!), but she has helped me so much. In the beginning I was reluctant to get help at home for my husband but as time went on I knew that was needed. She suggested an agency and am still working with the caregiver from that agency. We are now to the point that my dh may need placement, and she knows all the MC and board and car facilities in our area. These are all carefully vetted out...We have visited many but am not sure I am ready to let go of my husband. Today my care manager stopped by to visit my husband, and we decided it is too difficult for dh to visit his primary doctor so she is arranging for a doctor to come to our home. If I did not have a care manager I would not know who to go to for home care.  She also works with many people in my area, and arranged for a support group...now there are six of us who may not have life styles in common but have husbands with some sort of brain disease. Our support group goes to lunch once a month and our care manager is there with us. 

In my humble opinion, I think a care manager really is worth it. I look back a few years and never thought I would have a caregiver for my husband...but my care manager  never pushed anything on me but knows the progression of the disease and what is coming.

TyroneSlothrop

Cherjer,

Thanks for your reply.  Do you think we could talk by telephone, one-on-one?  I am in Pacific Standard time zone.

Tyrone

Cherjer

Yes, of course. But I don't know how to connect. I live in southern CA

TyroneSlothrop

Will you text me?

Ed1937

Tyrone, are you sure you want your phone number available for everyone to see? You can remove it if you like, by clicking on "edit". Then if you click on Cherjer's name, you will have the option to "Invite" her as a connection. When you do that she will receive an email where she can accept or decline the invitation. When she accepts, you will both be able to have private messaging. Anyone can see your phone number, not only members.

Cherjer

Sent you a text.

Gig Harbor

Hi Tyrone,

I didn’t use a care manager because I was retired and had time to look for companions for my husband so I could get out of the house. Present a caregiver as your assistant who can clean, fix meals, do laundry but that she is doing it to make your life easier. Tell your wife that you don’t want her to be overworked since she is retired  but that you need the help. A good caregiver should be able to step into that role and and make your wife believe it. Along the way, they can become friends. The caregiver could suggest to your wife that she go for a manicure or haircut and that she will go with her. Hopefully you will find the perfect person.