Caregiver for my beloved auntie

Suzycute

Hi there, 

I’m sorry for the long post.  

I’ve retired and purchased my aunt’s home and moved here from out of state so that she can return to her home after living with her son’s family for a year. It’s confusing to her that I “own” her home and that no one told her about the arrangements (we did). The  night before last, she said that this isn’t her home and that she needs to go home because her husband (who passed in 2020) is going to get home and she needs to make dinner. She wanted her car keys, etc. She became very agitated. I used to gentle touch/massage to calm and distract her which worked for a while. If we didn’t have child locks on all of the exits she would have left (they gave us enough time to distract her further while we called my cousin. She instructed me to give her an additional dose of Antipsychotic med. I told her we need to find her earrings and brought out her jewelry boxes (hundreds of earrings!) and started looking at them. This distracted her long enough for her to calm down (or meds to kick in?). Then she became hungry so we fed her comfort food. By then she was less confused and sleepy enough for bed.

Last night during dinner (which she enjoyed) she said there were bugs on her plate and napkin. She asked me not to kill them because they have a job to do. I asked her if they could do their job in the sink and she agreed. That was the end of that.

This is all new behavior. I am wondering if it’s suddenness is caused by a terrible cough the has recently become much worse. She has wet the bed (Despite wearing Depends) every night due to coughing fits and also during the day, she has very little control.

I’ve noticed that while, or soon after, eating she has coughing fits. It upsets and embarrasses her because they gag her and she is very loud.

Does anyone know anything about this? She also has CHF and neuropathy. Is there anything I can do to help her? Is this indicating a new stage of Alzheimer’s?

Also, can anyone recommend a good overnight underwear for her? 

One more thing… What should I say when she wants to know where her husband (or other deceased loved one) is? It’s heartbreaking. 

TIA,

Suzy

SusanB-dil

Hi Suzycute - might want to tell her doc about the increased agitation, and possibly any UTI. I'm sure others will have better suggestions on that type of agitation.

It is not uncommon, though, for a LO to not realize that someone is gone. Do try fiblets. 'He is out working and something came up.'  'He is on a business trip for a little while.'  Basically, whatever works.

loveskitties

The product at the following link has been recommended by others on this site:

https://www.parentgiving.com/shop/dry-direct-ultimate-protective-underwear-for-adults-9300/p/?onsite=ddspecial

Hope this helps

HollyBerry

The coughing after eating makes me wonder if she's swallowing safely. I'd also be wondering if aspiration pneumonia could be involved with the behavior changes. My mom had both.

I would check in with her MD on Monday.