Touring the long term care homes

Buggsroo

I have now seen three homes, fourth is next week. After awhile they seem to blur but maybe that is because everything is similar. I do realize what a monumental task it is to care for a loved one who has dementia. The homes have a lot of staff, so they don’t deal with everything, like myself.

Today I went to a home that impressed me because they were affiliated with a mental health facility as well as a teaching university. The basic care which is what I can afford is just one roommate, before it was four people. Covid did us a favour here. I have had three Covid tests in one week.  

My heart now knows it’s time. He struggles to walk at night, after I have given him his pills, he staggers a bit. He refused to take a shower because it was a bit dark in the shower. I have rigged up a SAD light and that may well take care of the problem. 

I am pretty well ready to make my choices and get him evaluated. Besides continuous exhaustion, I feel really sad. I look at this poor wreck of a man and feel like I am losing the memory of what he was like before.

Lizzielou

I, too, am looking for memory care homes and have discovered a vast difference in the type of care they provide.  If the person with dementia is sweet, non-combative, has no challenging behaviors he will be accepted nearly anywhere.  But if there are difficult behaviors they will not be accepted, or will be asked to leave soon after move in.  We were signed up with a beautiful, newly constructed facility (assisted living for me and memory care for him) and all was well until DH had an evaluation by the on site nurse.  She determined he was not appropriate for the care level they could provide.  So now I am looking at dementia only homes which, in our area, are hard to find.  The only one I toured seemed to rely greatly on medication.

You are fortunate to find a home associated with mental health and a teaching university. Sounds ideal.  Best wishes.  It is time now for the next chapter of your lives.  Your posts are always so informative and helpful.  

MaryG123

I’m sorry it’s come to this BuggsRoo.  It is sad, but necessary.

Jo C.

Good grief!   Four people in the same room?  Seems the one with only two people to a room would be far more sustainable for settling in and staying settled..  Four people with dementia in the same room; recipe for lots of upsets and many more roomate changes and constant need to adjust if it can consistently be done.  Being associated with a university and a mental health center sounds like added value at no increase in cost.

Buggs, if you cannot afford the cost in the future, what does Canada do to continue ongoing care?  Do they have some sort of program similar to our Medicaid?

My heart goes out to you as you make definitive steps to make this happen.  When I was thinking about it; that was one thing, actually doing it was quite another.  When I was taking actual concrete steps with admission to care, it was really a difficult time of sadness, regret and even second guessing.  To know this was a permanent change and nothing would ever be the same again and my LO would never see home again was heavy and carried its own grief.  For many of us, that is part of the process.

You have gone the limit and far, far moreso in all the care and tremendous challenges; may this decision and care placement be a significant positive for you both.  It is good to remember that not only he will have an adaptation period, in all probability, you will too.  Emotionally it took me a little time for all to be settled in my mind and heart despite logic telling me it was an absolute necessity.

Wishing you the very best way up there in beautiful Canada, our dear and lovely neighbor, do keep us posted on all and sundry; will be thinking of you.

J.