Becoming a better man through this.

ghphotog

My patience has been challenged so many times in the last few years. I'm still growing in that area and I always compare myself to the man I want to be but fall so short.
It seems that being a caregiver for so long for someone you love and is leaving brings out every positive and negative emotion. 
I've grown so much in patience for my wife in the last few years but in other areas of life I feel I'm on edge all the time. I don't like it.
I have to find a way to be, not only more patient with my DW, a much more even tempered man everywhere else. That's my goal and "one" of my personal struggles.
Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty even tempered in public most of the time.

Buggsroo

Believe me, even if you were the almighty yourself, your patience would fray during caregiving. I clean up poo at least two to three times a day and answer the same question time after time. Go easy on yourself. Yes it isn’t your wife’s fault that she has dementia, nor my husband’s. It is what it is. You are going to lose it from time to time. Luckily the spouse with dementia won’t remember. You are dealing with grief, sadness, the loss of your former life. Please don’t make it harder on yourself.

RobertsBrown

I  hear you loud and clear.

For me, patience with the world is really challenging these days.  I work at compassion for my spouse, and at slowing my reaction times...learning to take a beat and act with intention.

The world, on the other hand, is getting much less compassion from me.  Kindness to solicitors, patience with automated phone mazes, tolerance to uninformed opinions of strangers, all in sharp decline.

I could definitely use a Costco 100lb bag of kindness for stangers, if only I knew what aisle it was on.

Dio

Patience? What's that?

Mint

Gh this is one of my goals and struggles too.  I try to look at it as what I struggle with helps me to understand what others are going through too.

MaryG123

I have surprised myself by becoming more patient and loving with my DH.  The rest of the world will just have to deal with my grumpy irritable self.

Ed1937

Most of the time I was pretty patient with my wife, but there were times when I lost it too. If you never lost it, you would be a rare person.

Anna2022

Hello ghphotog!  I'm still in the first year of my journey with my DH, but boy-howdy, do I understand! At first, we had arguments repeatedly because I didn't understand that anosognosia was in play. Then as I got a bit more educated, I SLOWLY developed patience that I didn't ever have before. It was a steep learning curve. Now, I am mostly patient and find that as a result we have fewer, if any, arguments. I had to change - he can't. Best of luck to all of us as we move forward.

Just Bill

I have had a heck of a time keeping my patience in check. What works for me is similar to what works for anger management. Acknowledge you have a problem, while you are calm and in your happy place identify your triggers and de-escalating solutions before you lose it. Every day the impatient line of people and things trying to set you off will be there, don't give anyone or anything the satisfaction of rattling your teacup. Meditation has really worked for me. The benefits are not immediate with meditation. After consistent practice you just stop doing stupid things. Losing your mind over something that losing your mind won't fix is stupid. Now I still lose it now and again but I catch myself in the act and shut it down before it gets away from me. I ask myself is having a tantrum going to solve this problem ? No. Repackage that negative energy into a great workout. Physical and mental fitness is the only way I could handle being a full time caregiver. You can't just stop losing your cool, you have to re-channel the energy somewhere else. I take all of this negative energy and don't let it fester, turn into something else and let it go. The drama of losing your temper is a habitual act that you have developed over your lifetime. Just like getting rid of a bad habit, you have to replace that bad habit with a positive one. My solution is deep breaths, anytime my teacup is rattling I do deep breathing. It resets me and I am better prepared to deal with what is coming at me. It is still a work in process I still have to work at it, but it gives me a feeling of control over this uncontrollable situation I am in.