Processing this

Stori

His voice is the same and he looks like him but I miss my dad so much. 

It's so hard having a familiar stranger with a completely different personality living in the house. It's messing with me. 

I am terrified I will forget my father and only remember the dementia. Is this likely? Because I want to remember the good times too. 

It's been a difficult year. 

LaurenB

Hi Stori.  Hang on to the good memories you have of and with your dad.  Even though my mom is no longer present in her body, parts of her personality shine through daily.  She still teases me and her husband, still gives looks that let me know her personality is embedded in side her.  We just have to find the right triggers to bring it out.

My dad passed from a form of dementia 2.5 years ago.  In the beginning all that I could remember was the medical bits.  Randomly the other day I was watching a stupid reddit video and it triggered a funny interaction that I had with him decades ago.  I shared this information with my sister who had similar memories of the event.  It was nice to have a memory of dad that wasn't sad or related to dementia.  (For a good giggle look up the reddit video of a woman on a horse trying to introduce herself to the camera.  Every time she starts to talk, the horse whinnies.   It reminded us of our dad's love of the movie Young Frankenstein where the horses whinny every time someone says "Frau Blucher.")

mommyandme (m&m)

I’m hoping you will see and remember the same dad you knew.  I have thought a lot about this too.  In the last six months I’ve seen my mom is in there.  She is there, she really is.  Her nuances come up here and there.  It helps me remember her as my mom when we were all younger.  I often think of those memories now instead of all the present horror.  I’ve been her primary caregiver for 2.5 years and, again, it’s just recently that I’m in this positive space. I hope you will get here too.  So sorry for all this heartache.

sunnydove

Just like your heart has unlimited capacity to love, your memory has unlimited capacity to add more memories (referring to a non-diseased brain of course.) What you are going through now is overwhelming so it's hard to put that aside to access the old memories, but they are still there. And while there is so much that just sucks about this journey, there are SO many opportunities to create new, amazing and touching memories with your loved one now.

I, too, miss my mom intensely. She was so smart, creative, positive and she was my best friend. But I also adore the 87-year old toddler I now care for. I know how to make her smile, feel loved, and she still enjoys life. There are many sweet moments that I will always remember and that I cherish. And when she passes I will miss this new version as much as I miss the original.

Hang in there. I know it's hard, but you're doing such a selfless thing caring for your dad.