crushing me

kilo

I'm having a hard time getting past my dad being mean, so I can help him. He's telling me I did things I didn't, he says he's disowning me, doesn't want me around, & He lives alone.

I'm the only one here for him, & I'm making calls to everyone including VA for help. But I'm struggling with my emotions inside and I don't think I can do a good enough job caring for him until I get a grip on my in sides. 

Anyone able to help me.

smatchett3

I am so sorry that you are going through this. It has to be hard for you to have your dad react that way towards you.

If you haven't had an opportunity to call Alzhiemers Assoc directly I would definitely suggest that. They have support 24/7. The first time I called was so so awesome! They gave me some suggestions on how to deal with an issue I was having with my mom. It's a great resource.

Hang in there and don't give up hope.

M1

Kilo, the 24/7 support line is 1-800-272-3900.

Two early thoughts/questions:  do you have powers of attorney?  Hope so; if you don't, you're going to need them.  You can find a certified elder law attorney at nelf.org.

If he's getting aggressive where he's a danger to you or others or himself, he may need hospitalization, this is pretty frequent actaully.  Don't hesitate to take him or to all 911 if you need to.

Good luck, you've come to a good place, though sorry for your need to be here.

Iris L.

Please read about anosognosia.  Don't try to convince him that he has dementia or that he needs help.  Learn to use fiblets.

Iris L.

jfkoc

Kilo...thinking about you today...

Ci2Ci

(I know that this is a lame "solution".)

When my LO's behavior was mean or even just uncooperative (truthfully, fairly on-brand), I would think of her, to myself, by one name. As she progressed and it became more clear that behaviors were dementia-induced, I'd internally call her Dori, like the forgetful fish in "Finding Nemo", as a way to reconnect to my empathy.  [Historically strained relationships make for very difficult caregiver ones, later.]