Another bad night and need opinions

Kevcoy

DH had been having bad nights a few weeks ago where he would get up, wander around, leave the room then come back only to repeat it again about 20 minutes later.  It has been better the past few weeks with him sleeping until 5:00am (I'll take it).  Last night though at 3:30 he jumped out of bed yelling at me, who are you?  How did you get into the house?  You need to get the f--- out of here.  I tried to calm him down saying he was having a bad dream and his response was he was going to be my worst nightmare.  After about 10 minutes of ranting he left the room only to come back 10-15 minutes later talking gibberish in a condescending manner.  Then he would leave only to do it all over again 10 minutes later.  When I got up at 4:45 and saw him it was like nothing had happened and didn't remember what he had done.  If this has happened to you how did you handle it?

Now for your opinions.  His 87 year old nearly deaf aunt and very high needs cousin want to come visit us from Juarez for Christmas.  Neither of them speak English and my Spanish is horrible so to have any conversation involves lots of yelling and confusion.  Then if the television is on, it's on a Spanish speaking station full blast, (Ay dios mio).  They haven't seen each other since before Covid so I'm sure my DH's condition will be a surprise to his aunt.  Secondly, I haven't let my MIL into our house since Feb. after she hit me and threw a can of cat food at me and if they are here and she comes by to see them how do I handle this?  I'm also concerned if he is having one of these rages in the middle of the night and sees one of them how will he react?  I am so stressed about this.  Life is hard enough just being one on one with DH but to add this to the mix is beyond my pay scale.

Rick4407

Kevcoy you need to talk to your neurologist about anti delusional meds.  My DW takes Seroquel which has eliminated the delusions and makes her very sleepy.  She now sleeps 12 hours a night.  There are other meds as well.  Talk to your Dr about this and getting some help.  Good luck, Rick

Pat6177

Kevcoy, I’ve not dealt with delusions like this so I’m not speaking from experience but I agree with Rick that drugs are probably the answer.

As for relatives, didn’t they want to come before and you told them no? My opinion is to tell them no again. Tell them DH isn’t feeling well and isn’t up for company. Easy for me to say…

Ed1937

You could just say that things have deteriorated, and you simply can't have them over.

Gig Harbor

Definitely don’t let them come to stay with you. If they are determined to come they can stay with the MIL. He won’t remember their visit when they leave and the potential is there to have him get even more confused. You can’t communicate with them so you won’t be able to explain anything to them. Maybe try FaceTime with them.

Katie Roo

I agree that it is not a good idea for them to come and stay and that a video visit may be the answer.  Since they are family, they should understand.  If they don't, just remember that your responsibility is to your husband and you.

Scooterr

I have to agree with the rest of the crew. It doesn't sound like having them over wouldn't be good for your DH and especially for you. Explain the situation to them, if they understand great, if they don't understand that's not your problem. You have to do what's best for your DH and YOURSELF at this point.  I would definitely being checking with your health care professional (neurologist) about meds.

Daughter of a Marine

A year ago my DH had extensive back surgery and was under anesthesia for 5+ hour, plus was given very strong pain meds - he had been diagnosed with "mild dementia" 10 yrs ago but progression was quite slow and pretty manageable. However, when he came home following that surgery, it was clear his dementia had worsened significantly. Had hallucinations and was very confused. Seroquel prescribed by his neuro was a God send - hallucinations were much improved but he has never returned to pre-surgery cognition,  He is very confused and short term memory is nonexistent. We talk about plans for the day but in 20 minutes, it's as if we never discussed it.  We've been together since he was 19 and I was 17 - I never envisioned this.,  He keeps wanting to drive despite our discussing this issue pretty much daily. I just want him back.

toolbeltexpert

I have no advice other than don't say you got covid, that didn't work so well. 

Being work up like that is surely frightening, my wife was doing something similar. It was hard to sleep after those episodes cause I didn't know if she was sleeping. Her room was on the second floor. 

Happy Thanksgiving

Leaderoftheband

Best option

Paris20

I was in a situation where I had to explain a complicated situation to someone who spoke no English. I knew a woman who was fluent in that language and she agreed to speak on my behalf. The situation was medical so it had to be accurate. It was a good decision. Perhaps you could speak to the aunt but have a native speaker explain the details for you. It’s just a thought, since it worked for me.

Janco

Just wanted to say hi to Kevcoy.  I also live in Albuquerque.  My husband ocassionally has delusions, short-lived and trivial but still worrisome.  My heart goes out to you and to all of us on this message board.

Cathy123

We take herbals for aiding sleep. Please ask your Doctor for sleep remedies that go with your existing meds. Depending on our day, if I observe depression setting in, I simmer a small crock pot of lavender and chamomile tea. This calms us. If he sleeps better, of course so do I.

There are language translating apps avail on the internet. Google and Siri are helpful too.  

As far as Spanish…remembering one easy word “VETE” ( pronounced VEY-TAY ) works for me.  In English it means… LEAVE.  It all depends on my verbal tone how it is taken. Most times, it’s said with a “please”

Visitors mean well but they have no clue what you are going through unless they went thru it themselves. If you are stressed, nothing goes well.  The word NO is universal. I’ve no problem using that word either.  

Hang tough Kevcoy you’ve found a great site in AlzConnected to get feedback or just plain vent.