advice how to help dad move on after passing of spouse with dementia

Wishididntneedtobehe

Hello,

A close friend lost his mother to dementia about 9 months ago. My friend's father (85 year old)- the surviving spouse- has had a difficult time coping and finding purpose and meaning since his wife's passing. His father still drives, but has physical problems, and he speaks only Spanish- which limits his social interactions to a degree. My friend lives with his father and was assisting with the care of his mother before she died. I was wondering if you have any input I can share with my friend on how to help his dad through this time. My friend's mother was bedbound for 2 years and her husband was always busy with her care up until he passing. So now he's not really sure what to do with himself.

Thanks

toni2

The only thing I can say is let him grieve. He needs to get the pain out. If he keeps it bottled up it will hurt his health. he just needs someone to listen to him and by that they show him they love him.

Nothing is easy about the loss of a loved one. God bless you and all who care for him.

Toni

TomLynda

As Toni said, he has to go through the grieving process, and those steps do not come in any patucular order. Since he was so actively involved in caring for his wife, it's only natural that he now feels at a loss. I was/am in the same situation. Cared for my wife for about 4 years before she died this past July. Be there for him, talk to him, listen to him when says something. Some Churches around offer Grief Counseling and/or classes. I know mine does, and language should be no problem. They counselors can speak Spanish also in many cases. If he is not a Church going person, check for Grief Share in the Community. It is available. Mainly right now he needs someone to listen to him, and to be there for him. Grieving is on a different timetable for each person. 

On a positive note, I think you said your friend is living with his father. That is good, and he has to be grieving also. Let us know the progress of your friends Father. God bless you for sharing. 

Jo C.

Hello TomLynda and a very warm welcome to you.  I send my heartfelt sympathy on the death of your beloved wife.  As your Profile indicates, it was not an easy journey but you rose to the challenges for your beloved Lynda.  Your coming here to help others is indeed a tribute to the love you and Lynda shared.   We are glad you have found us.

I would also like to invite you to Post on the Spousal and Partner Forum if you wish .  You have much experience as well as experiential wisdom that can be shared and it would be a lovely place to connect with other spouses; there are quite a few men on that Forum.   You will find some of the Members on that Forum have also lost their Loved Ones (LOs).  Everyone is very welcoming and very supportive.

Hope we will also see you there and thank you for your very helpful Post here, it is very kind and supportive of you.

J.