Repeated Questions and Fixations (Eeeek!!!!!)

mommafour

I have not posted here for over 2 ½ years.  I was stressed to a point where I started to bury my head in the sand and avoid all things Alzheimer’s.  I wish I had stayed connected here, because I have learned so much from everyone else’s experiences.  DH was cruising along with very slow progression until recently. He seems to be going through a steep decline lately. One of the new behaviors is what I have read may be referred to as “looping”. He has a list of 3 or 4 questions that are on constant repeat due to his fixation on the subject matter.  His favorite pertains to the larger than usual annual increase in his Social Security check starting in Jan. 2023.   He asks me “Am I coming into some big money soon?”, or simply, “What’s the deal with Social Security?”  I swear that I am not exaggerating that these questions come up every 10 or 15 minutes when we are in the same room or in the car.  I have been awakened in the middle of the night with his questions on several occasions.  He calls me on days when I am at work in the office.  I work from home 2 days per week just to keep an eye on him, but I’m not very productive due to these repeated conversations.  I try to give him easy, simple answers in a calm voice but this is like harassment and torment.  We have an appointment with his Alzheimer’s provider at the VA soon. I’m asking about a medication adjustment but not sure that’s the solution.  In the meantime, has anyone else experienced this with their loved one?  What can I do to help this behavior?  How to deal with such a strong fixation on one subject?  I'm seriously struggling with patience. I should clarify that this is not like the repeated questions in the earlier days that made me realize something was wrong...this is something much worse and entirely different.

On a lighter side note: he was convinced that the Social Security Administration sent him a coupon for free lifetime ice cream. He quizzed me about that on repeat, so I drove him to the DQ and bought him a pint of ice cream.  Problem solved.  Just need to figure out how to deal with the other fixations. 

Ed1937

Momma, I never went through such stringent fixations, but I'm pretty sure others will tell you this is something that will pass. When will it pass? Anyone's guess. I doubt you will find medication to counteract this. Just one day at a time trying to keep your cool, then bring up a new subject. Redirect his thoughts. I'm sure others will have input. Sorry it's so hard.

mommafour

Ed, you're right.  I should know that different phases do pass and something else will take its place. Hopefully this will resolve soon.

toolbeltexpert

Momma you sound like you understand that his repeated questions are important to him. Your caring and calm voice are just what he needs, you're doing a great job! I wondered if the notice you got from ss is a trigger for him?  But keep on doing what you're doing, that's great caregiving.

Stewart 

Davegrant

Welcome back  mommafour,

 You are not alone, my DW asks "Who is coming over today"? I answer calmly but she will ask many , many times a day, every day. It does get to me after a while. She also has a delusion about a woman I used to work with and that gets triggered every few months. Currently she has a delusion about a grand daughter who visits with her new baby and when I respond that she is coming over she will say angryily "Why is she coming over". So granddaughter has become the new target. I understand that it is the disease but it still hurts. My DW also hides everything and I spend a lot of time looking for her pills, my pills, her purse, And she comments that stuff is being stolen, earrings, money, everything you can think of. The other night she woke me by taking out her teeth and saying "These are not my teeth " . "Someone took mine". 

I feel like I live in a three ring circus. I hide stuff so she won't hide it. Each day has become an emotional obstacle course . Today I am working on acceptance. 

Dave 

Happy Thanksgiving! everyone. 

Katie Roo

I get it.  My DH wants to drive by Main Street on a daily basis.  So we do.  And, he says the same things about the businesses every time we go by.  "I never see anybody in that store; she sure works hard to make her windows pretty; wonder who ever bought that building; that's a big beautiful house - who lives in it?; I've never been in that store - have you?  I think that store moved to the mall."   Happens on every street, actually.  I actually have patience with him during these trips.  When he makes a comment, I just keep quiet.  If a question, I answer him.  Today, he even said "I ask that every time we pass that house don't I?"  I told him he did, but it was fine. I would tell him every time.   Now, if I could only get the patience with his negativity.  Oh, well, I'm learning - slowly - but learning. 

And, this forum provides so much insight and advice.  I know we are in the beginning stages, progressing into the next one, and are not in the throws of it like so many.  Hearing what others have experienced and how they handled situations is helping me as I do learn.

Katie Roo

I get it.  My DH wants to drive by Main Street on a daily basis.  So we do.  And, he says the same things about the businesses every time we go by.  "I never see anybody in that store; she sure works hard to make her windows pretty; wonder who ever bought that building; that's a big beautiful house - who lives in it?; I've never been in that store - have you?  I think that store moved to the mall."   Happens on every street, actually.  I actually have patience with him during these trips.  When he makes a comment, I just keep quiet.  If a question, I answer him.  Today, he even said "I ask that every time we pass that house don't I?"  I told him he did, but it was fine. I would tell him every time.   Now, if I could only get the patience with his negativity.  Oh, well, I'm learning - slowly - but learning. 

And, this forum provides so much insight and advice.  I know we are in the beginning stages, progressing into the next one, and are not in the throws of it like so many.  Hearing what others have experienced and how they handled situations is helping me as I do learn.

saltom

My DH obsessed about someone shooting dogs and cats in the back yard, then transferred that to our SIL stealing our dogs when he and our younger daughter and their dog were visiting last month. We only have one dog plus a cat. They have come to visit again and the first thing DH did was ask SIL where all our dogs were. DH insisted he saw SIL herding the dogs in his car. We did settle it sort of when I said I had called the animal shelter and all the dogs were healthy in good loving homes. Then our dog who is 14 and has some canine dementia issues and adores our daughter and SIL peed on their dog's food bowl. That also seemed to make DH feel better. Our daughter has early onset Alzheimer’s so SIL understands somewhat, but I think was hurt that he was being accused of stealing our pets.  We will have both daughters and their families here tomorrow to celebrate with left overs from older daughter's big extended family Thanksgiving today. Too much for DH to cope with so we are home alone today.  Right now I'm feeling blessed the immediate family can still get together once in a while. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Cherjer

Oh I am so sorry to hear about your daughter, Saltom. That breaks my heart.

I  confirm what Ed said about different phases passing as the disease progresses. My dh does not really talk that much anymore..more mumbling than anything else. I wish he could talk and would even take obsessions now!! He is always sad and closes his eyes most of the time. I even ask him for a smile once in awhile but it does not come. 

However this evening when our Thanksgiving meal was over and our son and DIL were leaving and hugs were given he said to each of them "I love you." We all were so thankful for those three special words.

PaulaJM

Momma Four, I am so sorry to hear your struggles, but I can relate. 

I am no longer able to work, since he can not be left alone, so this periods can go on for hours. Can be very trying. My DH gets fixated on many things and insists an audience, which is me.  At first, I would just agree and shake my head, but lately he has hallucinations of other people in the room, who are not there, and insists I interact with them also.  I am not that great of an actress, I find it difficult to talk to people that are not there.  He can tell when I am faking and he gets angry.  I too, hope this passes soon. Sometimes, I think I have completely lost my mind.

I am sorry I have no answers for you...accept that I feel your pain.

bigfoot2you

Holy smoke this is a chapter from my book of life.  DH does these exact same things.  His big thing is  he's gotta get going,  gotta go home.........talk to his mother..............she's been dead for 10 years and his family home sold a long time ago.   Over and over and over again  same thing,  People come in and pee in the bathroom on the floor, people stealing his stuff,  I am losing my mind..........I can't offer you any help except to say everyday will bring a new, fresh hell.  Just get some respit help if you can ......good luck

Ambriel

Mommafour, you’re doing very well by calmly answering his repetitive questions calmly and taking him to an ice cream parlor!  I totally understand how you feel.  After awhile, it will become second nature to us.  It was an overwhelming year and a half for me when my DH was diagnosed to have early stage of Alz. It was very sobering for both of us.  A  medical colleague of mine advised me to educate myself w/c I thought wasn’t a big need because I am in medical/ nursing field and we deal with those patients a lot.  But,  lo & behold, when it comes to be your dear partner in life, it is DIFFERENT.  I read a lot of articles and saw videos that this forum had posted and they have really helped me..  It’s really second nature for me now to answer my DH’s questions & I give him a smile, a kiss or a hug with it. I realized that struggling to keep my cool or raising my voice requires more energy for both of us. It doesn’t mean that I don’t get frustrated, but it has lessened markedly.  I have learned to do the meditative deep breathing exercises and put time to give myself time to stretch, exercise & pray/ meditate. It’s my time for myself & do it while he’s still in bed asleep.  It’s incredible how we become creative in handling situations, like you taking him to get some ice cream.  My DH is always on the go & wants to go home (who knows where), or visits his parents ( long dead). There will be times I could correct him, but if he gets agitated, I just went along w/ the conversation.  Most of the time, I could distract him by telling him to have dinner first or do an errand, hike, etc… & there will be times that I tell him to hop in the car & drive around with music and we would both sing along and drive back to the house, and he would be so happy & grateful.  And I also had a good time, rather than seeing him pace around the house anxiously.  I certainly hope that we won’t run out with our creativeness… My best to you, Mommafour… I know it’s not easy… and I know I still have a long road…sometimes DH thinks we’re just dating, other times he wants to get married, so we just enjoy those silly moments, giggling and laughing.  Just taking it one day at a time…

Cathy123

Our time of repeated fixations are long gone. Little or no conversation happens daily. In hindsight, I longed for quiet. Now it’s here, and I only wish we were back to bugging repeatedly.

I’d stuff some envelopes with faux letters to entertain your LO. Every time he asks, perhaps hand him another piece of information for him to wander off too to read, hold, contemplate what social security said.  Maybe you could set him down in front of the TV with a egg timer and tell him the Soc Security announced they would have a social announcement on TV at a certain time. Perhaps your friend can call your LO on the phone and carry on a conversation about his questions and set an appointment to call again and keep him abreast of the latest information.  Our early days, we could not redirect a one direction mind so we just went with it, going with the flow and elaborating on it keeping the moments busy until something new abrupted

Hang in there

mommafour

Thanks so much for all of these responses.  It does help to hear from others going through this issue and know that I'm not alone. I realize this will eventually pass and it will be something entirely new. I have not posted much during the past few "easier" years but DH is entering into a different stage and experiencing new behaviors.  I'm sure I will be posting with more questions soon.

Buggsroo

My husband loops on two subjects: dinner and bed. He is losing his words and often it turns out as word salad. Sometimes I answer his repeated questions and other times I can’t because I am working. If he isn’t satisfied, he yells, bites himself but then the loop starts up again. It is frustrating but I suggest taking deep breaths before answering.