Door handles

Spanky77

Hi, well, my DH has been in memory care almost 4 weeks now. It such a huge transition. Extremely heart heavy. Anyway, he has broken off a thermostat and his handle door knob three times. I realized he doesn’t comprehend how the handle door knobs work. (The kind that you pull down and push the door open). We had “regular door knobs” at our house. Anyway, I can tell this is causing distress with staff (he also wakes off and on during night, but meds are being adjusted). I asked them if they could do regular door knobs.  Nope, due to they are metal doors. (?). They printed a sign and drew a picture, but DH doesn’t understand. I can tell he’s trying. So any suggestions how to help my DH with how to handle a door handle and not break it again?  Sigh. It’s not fair to him and he doesn’t understand. Not his fault. I know all memory care places and caregivers there work very hard, but I just feel unsettled and I’m a little in the doghouse for micromanaging, but it’s my loved one. He keeps breaking things, shows tears, etc. Thanks for any suggestions.

M1

Spanky, I'm wondering if there's a way to put a block on the door so that it doesn't quite close or latch?  I'm talking out of school, but I'd ask to have a conference with the maintenance staff and see if there's some gadget they could put on the hinges (or something) so that he could just push it and not have to actually turn the handle.  There's gotta be a way, and he can't be the only one.  There are also covers available to put over thermostats.  Maybe?  I know these things can be so frustrating and I'm sorry for what you're going through, I know it first-hand myself.

Good example of how signs and directions just don't compute.  

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Ed1937

Many places have clear shields on the thermostats so others can't adjust/mess with them. Easy fix. I can understand how a different type of door knob can be confusing to someone with dementia. They should understand that too, and check with maintenance for a solution.

harshedbuzz

Spanky--

The doorknob issue is a tough one. In my state, MCF rooms are required to lock automatically. The doors at dad's MCF were self-closing to limit "shopping". The lever handles may be non-negotiable as an ADA building requirement. 

HB

GothicGremlin

At my sister's memory care, the thermostat is covered.

Weird about the doors.  The way they deal with the doors is they just leave them open. The only time the doors are closed are when staff caregivers are inside giving the person a shower, helping them in the restroom, or helping with getting dressed or undressed.  I guess the downside to that is that people do shop. Everything is labeled though so eventually things make it back to their proper owner.

Donr

I was in the wholesale air conditioning parts for 29 years.  Some of my customers would put up dummy thermostats to keep fiddlers happy. The actual sensor that controlled the a/c was small and away from the dummy.

Spanky77

Thank you for all of the suggestions. The door knobs and thermostat seemed to have slowed down some, but now he’s broken his mirror (fear of reflections), broke a second toilet tank, and has taken hangers (now replaced completely with plastic ones) and has scratched up the walls. Gosh. Meds are being adjusted. I’m sorry, I just need to share all of this because it truly is strange and distressing. Heartbreaking. The staff are being more kind telling me it will settle. It’s now been six weeks. He still gets sad and very aware when I have to go. I am still reminded I didn’t make a mistake placing him, but wow, he always knows when it’s time to go. Very alert. I can’t get him a tv in fear he will break it. I do take him out on drives, still. He’s afraid/shy of some of the folks. I see on cameras how one guy bullies him, but I also see how my DH screams over and over and wakes people, looking for “me” or family. He tells me he’s always afraid I’m going to leave again.  Thanks, again, for taking the time to read my comment. Holidays are weird…this illness is a shame. I know many going through struggles…especially now the holidays are here. God bless.

Jo C.

Spanky; how difficult and stressful this must be for you.  It is a big plus that staff is so supportive.  There is cling film that can be found at any hardware store that one can cut to put on a mirror, (easily removed by staff), and it helps the person with dementia not to be frightened or threatened by their own image.

I do have one thought that carries a question.  Your husband has only been in care about six weeks and has not yet adapted.  Being a loving person, you take him out of the facility for drives . . . he sees you and feels you taking him out and away from the facility setting.   The question is; does he, in his inability to think clearly, feel you are taking him away and somehow in his confused mind that later becomes a trigger for behavior that he cannot express his upset in adequate words so it comes out in behavior?   It is often a negative to take our LOs out of the facility for quite some time until both the patient and the carer have adjusted to the changes.

It may be worth not taking him out of the facility until he has been more able to adapt to the new setting. I can imagine that may be hard to do, but may be worth seeing if that helps.  Also may be helpful for the short term to not make too many visits so that he is more likely to bond with staff when you are not there. The one thing that the staff needs to do is to work around keeping the bully away from your husband and get that person's behavior adjusted or moved to  a different area.  Between an adjustment in meds and adjusting the approach to not taking him away from the facility may make a difference.

Let us know how it is going; we will be thinking of you.

J.

J.

Ed1937

Spanky, I'm sorry this is so stressful. I was thinking along the same lines as Jo. I think you should seriously consider what she had to say.

ebarinu

I'm sorry to hear about your DH's struggles with the door handles in memory care. Have you considered contacting the manufacturer of the door handles to see if they have any recommendations for individuals with cognitive impairments? They may have some ideas for modifications or alternative handles that could be more user-friendly. Additionally, you might try reaching out to a local hardware store or locksmith for advice. Hang in there, and I hope you find a solution that works for your DH and the caregivers. We got our doors from https://doordesignlab.com/front-entry-steel-appartment-metal-exterior-prehung-doors.html and they had some convenient options there that my DH has never had a problem with.