Where to start when your husband is in denial of needing help?

suncity

Are there any web based seminars that we can watch about the next steps?  Are there any classes on line that can help the keep my husband mentally stimulated?

Iris L.

Welcome Suncity.  There are lots on online readings and videos.  But first, be aware that what you see as denial in your husband is actually anosognosia, a characteristic of dementia that causes PWDs (persons with dementia) to be unaware of having limitations.  If you confront him with reality, he will resist and become upset.  You will have to learn work-arounds from the members. 

Iris L.

Rick4407

Hello Suncity.  Sorry you have to be here.  If you are in the Phoenix sun city there used to be 2 AFB's nearby.  There is probably an Air Force Association representative on one of those.  It will take a google search for Air Force Association to locate them.  They may be able to add some information about future potential AF income.  If you DW has not registered with the VA for health care he should soon, even if just to get an annual physical.  That will put him in their system.  The VA operates memory centers in many states and potentially that may offer care when / if he needs it.  

The various dementias effect everybody a little differently.  My DW has vascular dementia as well.  If you DW is going on your trip with you, please be prepared for the unexpected.  Changes in surroundings can be very upsetting for dementia patients. 

You need to read many posts here, a lot of wisdom and how to handle things is shared.  While each case is different, many of the same symptoms will appear in most cases.  If you know what might be coming it helps to meet that situation.

It is a long and difficult road.  Read a lot of posts and add posts with questions.  Good luck, Rick

BillieCDD

Thank you Iris. You are right. I have finally acknowledged that DH will not go to doctors, does not remember anything he says when he has an episonde, and I AM THE ONE WHO MUST WORK AROUND THIS BY IDENTIFYING TRIGGERS, BY STAYING CALM AND NOT ARGUING, BY DISTRACTING HIM WITH THINGS I KNOW HE LIKES, ETC.

suncity

Thank you Iris.  Did not know of anosognosia.

suncity

Thanks Rick.  Will check with Luke.  DH already registered with VA due to Agent Orange.

Hadn't thought of that.  

Rick4407

Hello again, Suncity.  I was also an AF pilot and have agent orange issues. The Air Force Association is primarily staffed by retired AF.  Luke may or may not have any knowledge of it. It will probably take a google search to locate a representative.  Their info would primarily be about the Survivor Benefit Program (SBP), if you are familiar with that then they may not be of any assistance.

This is a long and sad road.   Take care of yourself, read here often and post with questions when you have them.  Rick

Leaderoftheband

A book that I found really helpful is “Dementia Home Care” by Tracy Cram Perkins.  While every case is different, she does a very good job of walking through the various stages in her care of her father.  Very insightful book for the caretaker.

ghphotog

My DW is the same way. I've just learned to go with it. 

She has neurology appointment coming up and I'll just have to find a way to dance around why we're there. Easier said than done sometimes, I know.

ElaineD

Hi all,

My DH is still in the early stages of Vascular Dementia, which runs in his family.

If I ever try to ask him about his memory issues, he almost ignores what I say!

He hasn't had ANY diagnosis.  We have the same primary care doctor and I tell her what is going on with my DH.  She hasn't even administered the simple paper test, to get a baseline!

My DH was a research and teaching immunologist in a Medical School.  He knows there is very little that can be done about his form of dementia.

But even if because he can't be cured eventually he will need care that I can't give him (I'm physically disabled and walk with a walker)  AND that he also will have to give up driving and may need some medications for anxiety or to calm him.

I guess the time will come when 'steps must be taken', but I dread that day.

We live in a retirement community (independent living) and there are both assisted living and memory care facilities on our campus.  So we are surrounded by professional staff that can help us.  Home health care is part of our facility (at a cost of course), so if he needs physical help we can get it.

I think my own disability concerns me, since he is my caregiver in many ways.

He continues to be more and more confused and his short term memory is much worse.  He has lost memory of many significant events of the past years.  We've been married for 60 years and we have shared everything...but his memory of things is going.  I know one day it will be gone....I am so very sad and scared.

The uncertainty is so sad and hard for me.

thanks for letting me vent.

Elaine