Regret

elliotlh

My Grandmother has been struggling with dementia for years. I remember the first few indicators I had that this was going to happen. A few years ago, we were out shopping together, and she started calling out my mom's name. She was convinced she had taken her teenage daughter shopping and couldn't find her. My mom and I look very similar, so I understand the confusion. But it took a few moments to remind her who I was and what year it was. She shook it off and it didn't happen again for a while. But I never thought I would miss the time that she mistook me for my mom, because now she barely recognizes either of us as her family. Her and I never got along when I was growing up, and although I always knew we loved each other very much, we had very little common ground, and didn't often like each other. Now I even miss the fights. I miss the strong, hard woman she used to be. Because now, she is barely a shell of the person I knew my whole life. I wish we had been able to reconcile our differences sooner. I hope she knew how much I love her.

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SusanB-dil

Hi elliotlh - kind'a same situation here. My mother thinks I am her sister. Maybe some family resemblance, but not by a whole lot. I think she can't 'place' who is quite who any longer, and that's ok. Mother and I never had much of a connection, either, but I know she cared, and I respect her so much. 

Victoria - I love your response. so true.

elliotlh

Thank you. It is hard to grapple with the fact that she won't remember the memories we create now, and the fact that she can still enjoy them in the moment. I appreciate the reminder. So very true.

elliotlh

I agree that the respect I have always had for her has made our relationship a bit easier to navigate. I am sorry your mother and you never had a great connection either. It is difficult to feel that disconnect with family. Especially now.

Ed1937

elliotlh wrote:

It is hard to grapple with the fact that she won't remember the memories we create now

You are not making memories for her. You are making memories for you. Those memories will give you something to be proud of.