Having a tough week

dhyink

We recently moved from Houston to NC so that I could be closer to my family. I knew the move would be difficult for him, but things are much worse than expected.  He seemed to be adjusting to the new apartment and then he fell while walking to the bathroom.  He broke several ribs, has a black eye, and needed stiches.   He was discharged the day before Thanksgiving and I brought him home.  I didn't like the nearby skilled nursing facilities and thought that I could take care of him like I have done many times before.   This time was different.  He didn't recognize me, he couldn't stand up, and he could only speak random single words.   Today, I had him taken back to the hospital because his mental status continues to deteriorate.   

So far it looks like he may have a subacute subdural hematoma, low O2 saturation, and possibly an infection.    I just got his Medicare Advantage Plan switched to a NC plan this month and we haven't had time to establish a care team, so I am feeling medically unsupported.  Plus I am feeling guilty that I may have accelerated his decline by moving.  

Pat6177

Try not to feel guilty about moving. You had a valid reason to move and determined it was worth the risks. Only time will tell if the deterioration that you are seeing will be temporary or not. The broken ribs means it’s uncomfortable to take deep breaths and may lead to the low O2 sat.  The low O2 sat will cause increased confusion. You are in the middle of an acute situation and as he heals, you’ll see if  the decline is permanent. This is just one possible scenario, something different might be happening. It does sound like he is a handful to care for right now. Hopefully you’ll get some answers during this hospitalization and maybe get some services lined up before he comes home. But, as I’m sure you’re already thinking, realize he may need to go to rehab for a while from the hospital.

M1

So sorry you're going through this, but it's not on you. He could just as easily have fallen in Houston too.  Falls and aspiration are part of the disease.

A subdural is obviously very very serious. You may have a decision to make about surgery.  Fingers crossed for you, do keep us posted.

Fwiw, my mother was from Salisbury. She often said that those of us born in North Carolina see no need of being born again.....

Ed1937

No guilt! You did what you thought was best. That's all anyone can do. You have to start thinking that he is lucky to have family nearby, who might be willing to help. If he was still in Texas, and had that happen, wouldn't he be worse off? Pat yourself on the back for the move.

I just read your profile. I hope he is getting Social Security Disability. If not, the process needs to be started ASAP.

trm

I am so sorry for the tough week.  Guilt is a tough one.  However, this disease is a horrible one.  For me, it feels like there is rarely a win. We need to learn not to self-blame but that is easier said than done.  Every day feels like a new battle.  If your move helped YOU, then I say good for you.  At times, I feel like this disease will kill me before her.  Me easy on you.

Leaderoftheband

Taking steps to improve his care and increase your support was the right move.  There shouldn’t be any guilt on your part. So sorry you are having such a tough week.

Whyzit

Dhyink, I just recovered from a fall that resulted in 5 broken ribs. After a week in the hospital I went to rehab for another week followed by in-home physical therapy for 6 weeks. I would recommend you reconsider handling this by yourself. Your LO should be doing breathing exercises frequently daily to make certain the lungs are working properly in addition to physical therapy. This is a very uncomfortable and painful injury to recover from and especially so for one who doesn’t understand what is going on. Best wishes to you.

Jarmac

Sounds like you are really being stressed. I’m sorry. We can all relate to “tough week”. Toll on the patients and caregivers is overwhelming.

Katie Roo

Dhyink.  Don't feel guilty for moving where you both have better support.  I know it's easier said than done.  We do the best we can.  I have regrets about my mom who lives with us for 3 years. Not dementia but I watched her suffer COPD.  Wish I could have been aa better daughter. Recently, my brother told me I should have no regrets bc he thought I was strong and an angel to take care of her. So others can see the good you do, even if you doubt it.  Hang in there and use this forum as your support.

ghphotog

Don't feel guilty. You're in an incredibly difficult time and your making the best decisions you can and your heart is in the right place. Very difficult.
Guilt is something that seems  to plague us as long term caregivers. Me especially but there is no "how-to" manual and we learn as we go. Keep making all of the decisions you feel are right, for yourself as well as your loved one. None of the decisions we make now are easy.
(Speaking to myself as much as anybody)

dhyink

update

DH is in the hospital and this time he will go to a skilled nursing facility upon discharge.  His mental state improved after his O2 saturation increased, and he seems to be in less pain.   He is getting stronger, but still cannot stand unassisted.  He has a small subdural hematoma, but the bleeding has stopped, and it will hopefully resolve on its own.    So things don't look too bad at present.    The doctor has recommended palliative care for DH, so I am working to get this set up when he returns home from the nursing facility.

dhyink

Whyzit, thank you for your comments.  DH broke one rib after a fall in February and seemed to recover without any major issues.  However, three ribs is very different.  You are right, he wasn't doing his breathing exercises, even with encouragement from me.   He needs people who know how to handle this situation.  I submitted my list of preferred facilities to the case manager yesterday and they are working to find him a bed.

PatsyJ

I just joined AlzConnected so I am still navigating my way around especially in the area of getting advice and feedback as to how to handle various situations.  Recently, she became aggitated and wanted to call "her parents and go home".  This incident occurred during the sundowning period.  I have tried to identify the source of the aggitation or what might have triggered the event, but I could not.   I had to call my daughter to help and I told my wife that our daughter was coming by to visit.  This distraction my have removed the cause of the event because my wife was fine afterwards.  Is this familar to anyone?  What are your suggestions? Thank you.

Whyzit

Dhyink, Thank you so much for your response. You made my day! I’m happy to hear he is doing better.