How to deal with angry dementia patient

obarillas

Hello my grandma just got diagnosed with dementia back in August 2022 although we have noticed symptoms for about 2 years now , she finally got diagnosed. It’s tough living with her as I’m her only caregiver & she treats me like I’m sh-- , any advice to deal with angry dementia patients , here’s an example of her getting upset. Today we woke feeling better because we have had a cold since thanksgiving weekend & I was caring for her & taking care of her like my own baby & she wasn’t really getting her self upset as she would just lay in bed & recover. This morning we were having breakfast & I had to go to the bathroom mid meal so I went & by the time I came out I asked my grandma how was the food & if she needs anything & she just mad dogs me & starts giving me one word answers. I asked her if she is upset & she lied saying no I’m as happy as I can be right now, I served her a bowl a soup later on the afternoon & I was nervous handing it to her because she just mad dog the soup bowl & I thought she was going to throw it at me. She just grabs the bowl says nothing & walks away upset. I bring her a spoon & tell her your spoon is in ur bowl, she doesn’t say anything, 2 minutes later she’s in the kitchen looking for a spoon I tell her again theirs already a spoon in ur bowl, & she throws the spoon she grabbed hard into the sink making a loud noise & just walked away without saying anything. It hurts me seeing her like this & her treating me like dog sh-- when I’m the only one that’s there for her

Rick4407

Hello Obar, Sorry you have to be here.  You will find many suggestions by people that have gone before you down this road.  You need to contact the Dr (Neurologist) who diagnosed her and get some meds to control her agitation.  Having a good line of communication to her Dr's office is essential to successful caregiving.  Her extreme behaviors will need to be controlled via medication.  You will be helping her to do this.  

You also need  to see a CELA (Certified Elder Law Attorney) to get her affairs in order and protect her from losses.  That will establish who has the legal responsibility and the authority to make those decisions.   

This is a very difficult road, get some support!  Good luck, Rick

M1

Agree with everything Rick said obarillas.  Abuse is not acceptable in any situation, and if you are dealing with your own child, your child's needs should come first.  Does your grandmother have any living children or siblings?  where are they in all this?  Does anyone hold power of attorney for  her finances or medical care?   If you try to talk to her doctor, if you haven't signed HIPPA papers regarding her medical affairs, you may be able to give them information, but they may not be able to talk to you back.    It's complicated.  

You've come to a good place, there are lots of wise folks here who have lots of collective experience that may help you figure this out.  

mommyandme (m&m)

Welcome… I’ll add that sometimes just validating feelings and the difficult situation, even apologizing for it or things we’re not responsible for can calm our LO.  Saying thank you and I love you and all the sappy pleasantries go a long way over here.  Even when yelling is what feels most appropriate for our own feelings, the fake smile and sweet tone will be better served for both of you.  It’s tiring but helps my LO and I.

Ed1937

You have some excellent advice above. My guess is that you don't really know very much about dementia, or how to handle things. If that's the case, ask for tips here. You'll get plenty of help. Here is a link to a video that might be helpful.10 tips for responding to dementia anger 

At 26 years of age, you might want to see if you can find someone else to be primary caregiver. This is a very hard and time consuming job, and you have your own life to live. She is a lucky person to have someone like you who cares.