M1(5)

Ed1937

Just wondering how things are going for you.

M1

Bless you, Ed.  Not much change.  We are trying a new strategy, just having me show up for group events with no private, one-on-one time.  For example, I went last Saturday for a supposed art class/art activity in the afternoon--a complete bust.  A new activities associate was supposed to be leading it but was very unorganized, and tried to get too many folks into a small back room (to make Christmas wreaths) with loud music on:  both my partner and I found it way too much.  So I walked her to her room, and she immediately started in on me:  I need to talk to you, I'm unhappy, I want to be with you, you must not want me:  all the usual stuff.  So i told her I had work to do and left.  

Tried again on Thursday, a bit more successful music hour (Christmas karaoke:  still not her thing, but her favorite aide was leading it.  She didn't believe me when i told her there was a song about Grandma getting run over by a reindeer--that made her laugh).

When I got there though, I went to use her bathroom;  again, no toilet tissue, she was using the corner of her bath towel to wipe herself.  My key to the locked closet wouldn't work (frankly I had probably never checked it because it hasn't been an issue before) so I couldn't get any out.  I of course immediately reported this, and the caregiver put some out.  But it's pretty obvious they are still not checking regularly.  I reported this to the head nurse late Thursday when I got home:  did not get a response yesterday.  They are supposed to be making me a new key.  And I will continue to be the squeaky wheel here.  Just not acceptable, and if it doesn't improve (I give it two more months), I will start looking for a new place.  Reluctant to have to start that process because she is in fact bonded to these caregivers.  And I don't know that it wouldn't be out of the frying pan into the fire.  

Again, the same thing:  as soon as the music was over, I walked her back go her room, started again on "I need to talk to you," but it was dinner time and I told her I needed to leave.

Plan to try again on Tuesday for another music hour.  It's not ideal, but it's all I have right now.  I sent her a pretty card today to remind her how much I love her.  Meanwhile, I went for my own checkup this week:  way overdue.  Blood pressure was way too high.  So the stress is telling.

toolbeltexpert

M1 that's sad to hear about the tp and the key thing.  I find I have to ssk for the tp if I see it running low or it becomes a need it now thing. They are good about getting it right away. I too go thru those same heart breaking conversations, so I usually go as she begins eating or an activity. We sit in the main dining room and watch the birds eat. I help my wife fill the feeders a couple times a week. The other residents really love the Redbird as they are called in tn. There is a lady who tries to correct everyone who calls them a Redbird, that is a cardinal that is it's name she repeats till someone corrects her about the tn dialect.

Gig Harbor

M1 maybe bring a roll with you when you come and swap it out. That way there will be a new roll at least once a week. You can leave the partial one or take it home. Sorry that she is not adapting better to being there without you.

M1

Gig, after the previous fiasco there are 24 rolls of toilet paper in her closet.  But no one is obviously checking to see that new ones are put out.  Yes, maybe I'll try bringing one every time I come and put it under her vanity (the obvious storage place).  At least that way there will be extra rolls where she can get them.  If she thinks to look--that's obviously the problem, she doesn't look and she doesn't know to ask.

Ed1937

M1, I wish you had better news for us. I don't think it would be asking too much for an aide on each shift checking to see that there is TP for her. It surely can't take that much time. 

As many times as you've tried to visit, nobody can call you a quitter, that's for sure. I just wish it were easier for both of you. And "out of the frying pan into the fire" is another thing you'll have to consider if things don't get better. That just makes it that much harder.