Combative

Kelly6789

Before Alzheimers, my mom was one of the sweetest, most caring people you could imagine. She has been living with Alzheimers for about 5 years. Lately, I have noticed that she has become much meaner, violent, hidtile, and hurtful. I know that she doesn’t mean to be this way, and cannot help it- but it still is incredibly hurtful when she calls me a mean name or hits me. Any advice on what I should do, or how anyone has coped with this situation? Thank you!

M1

Hi Kelly. There are online videos about how to handle aggression-look for Dr. Natalie and Teepa Snow-but she may need medication as well. I would discuss with her doctors right away.

​fesk

Hello Kelly6789. I am sorry you are and your mom are going through this. 

I recommend, if you haven't already, having her checked to be sure there isn't a medical issue causing the change in her behavior that can be treated - urinalysis, bloodwork, etc. There are behavioral strategies as M1 mentioned. Also, if all of that doesn't help, you can consult with her doctor to see if there is medication that may help.

Best of luck.

Jo C.

Hello Kelly; I understand.  Even though we know it is the dementia causing the dreadful outbursts, the blaming, lashing out and calling us names, it still hurts and hurts all the more if we have been striving so hard to take good care and to accommodate all that must be.

At this point with the quick changes, it would be good to have her see her primary care MD to have physical issues ruled out as causation for such behavior.  Comprehensive labs should be done along with a urinalysis. If there is a physical issue, it can be addressed.  It is notable that often, our Loved One (LO) may have a "silent" urinary tract infection causing such behaviors.  These UTIs are called "silent" because there will be no complaint of pain or burning, but there will be a dramatic change in behaviors to the negative side of the ledger. Well worth ruling that out. My mother had those silent UTIs multiple times and each time we only knew to have the urine checked because of the sudden florid behavioral issues.  The urine check must not be only the dipstick, it needs to go to lab for culture too as dipsticks have a rather high rate of false readings.

In our case, my mother's behaviors were terrible and got to the point of being over the moon. She was seeing a Board Certified Gerentologist for her primary care who diagnosed her as having Alzheimer's Disease.  She simply continued to get worse and worse in behavior. Finally, I got her to a good dementa specialist who is a Neurologist who sees many dementia patients as part of his routine practice.  She had several MRIs in the past and they were negative as they usually are unless there is brain swelling, etc.  Anyway; the Neurologist took the history from me, examined and assessed my mother and then had a SPECT Scan done. There it was big as life - she did not have Alzheimer's Disease; she actually had a behavioral variant of FrontoTemporal Dementia and was on contraindicated medication which had to be adjusted and plan of care and approach needed some adjustment.  It also explained a lot for what was happening.

I am not saying that this is happening to your mother, but a dementia specialist is a key member of a care team as they are on the cutting edge of all things dementia with in-depth knowledge which can make a difference; especially in prescribing appropriately.

It may be that your mother may have an easily treated physical issue causing her behaviors; but if she does not have that as the causation there are medications that can be of great help in such dynamics and it is necessary to get the right treatment.  Imagine; if our LO is driving us to distraction, imagine what it is like to live inside her head not only believing all the delusions and hateful thoughts, but also actually FEELING them; it is a hellish situation for them; we must find the medical treatment that can help restore their quality of life as best as can be.

You are a loving, kind and caring daughter; you are looking for answers to be of help so you are on the right track.  Hang in there, get her to care to have health issues ruled out.  Try to let go of the angst with the behaviors.  If you must, use fiblets to get things accommodated, try validating her feelings rather than the words she may be spewing; that can often be helpful and try to have routine and structure to her days; change is the enemy for such situations.

Please let us know how you are and how things are going, we will be thinking of you.

J.

jfkoc

As M1 said, Naomi Feil and Teppa Snow have great suggestions for the behaviors that are difficult. Both are online and Feil is likely in your library.

Please, always keep in touch with the Drs involved and please never dismiss that something other than dementia is causing the behaviors shown.

prov1kenobi

I just looked at a SPECT Scan on-line. It was very very interesting. I live in Alaska and founf out that they are available in Anchorage

Thanks