Saw DW this morning

Crushed

Saw DW this morning at memory care .  As always no recognition or reaction. she was in bed, but dressed .  Looked lovely , skin fine , nails and hair grow.  She is very clean room is nice lean  4 years since she had any idea who I am.  In December 1972 on Christmas I asked this spectacular girl if she would marry me. 

It just hurts

   

PookieBlue

Virtual hugs to you. My heart goes out to you. Sometimes the sadness is incomprehensible. It is great that your DW is being well cared for. She must be a lovely person.

Jeff86

Acceptance does nothing to diminish our losses.  Yes, it hurts.  Every day.

Rennbird

I cannot remember if you ever mentioned being in the Armed Services, but one way or another, you are a Wounded Warrior.

Paris20

This is the time of year that many of us feel the sting of dementia most intensely. It’s the first year after 58 years of marriage that my husband was not at our Thanksgiving table. My daughter was crying. The whole weekend was so bittersweet.

A couple of days ago I went to visit my husband at his skilled nursing facility. He was having a tantrum, refusing to get out of bed, cursing at the aides who were trying to clean him up. He acknowledged my arrival, but then resumed his tirade. He was soaked and filthy. Only my mask protected me from the intensity of the odors and kept me from walking out. I finally convinced DH to cooperate and told management that his recalcitrance has become a health issue. His skin is all irritated and I worry about infection. He’s on lots of Seroquel and tranquilizers already.

Lately, this is the scenario I experience every single time I visit DH. As I was going to see him today, I was stopped for going ten miles over the speed limit. I told the young cop about where I was going and he took pity on me. He let me go. I decided that I just couldn’t visit my husband today. It wasn’t the cop or the speeding. I just sat for a moment, gathered my wits, and went home. I’ll face the rest tomorrow.

Ed1937

Jeff86 wrote:

Acceptance does nothing to diminish our losses.  Yes, it hurts.  Every day.

Well said, Jeff.

Crushed

This December is especially hard.  50 years ago we had been dating since June.  IN those innocent times and with a girl like DW. it was a very complex dance.  She was not a girl to be trifled with.  She was  warrior princess and the process must befollowed.

 
I had passed tests with her mother by being a good cook and a supporter of feminism. Her mother was a brilliant scientist.   For her father the experimental physicist I had whipped an "eye splice on a thimble for his anchor rode"  which impressed him.   I was working on a law degree which was acceptable to the two Ivy league PhDs    I had been taken up to the family farm  and introduced as DW's "friend"  The old farmer looked at me like a piece of livestock and Said
"I suppose he'' ll do".      
My mother was no problem She thought DW perfect.   My father was opposed to me spending any time on girls instead of school and work.  I was living at home and he had endless opportunities to criticize.
What was missing of course was traveling or staying with the girl.  That was not happening. but in any case  I managed to follow the Bard's advice “Screw your courage to the sticking place.   I bought a suitable present (not a ring that is another story) and on Christmas day 1972 asked her to marry me.  She looked Terrified but said "yes but said don't tell anybody" 
 
So after a year of pursuit or stalking   I had a future with her.  the rest is history
 Goes through my mind every day

riajean

I'm SO sorry.  This has been long for you.  And you're still so in love.  I am too with my DH who kissed me hard today, as though it was the last time.  He rallied today and shocked me and the staff.  I'm thinking it won't be long and I'm so scared, even though I've known this was coming.  How the hell do we as spouses, lovers of our long-loves, get through the inevitable waiting? 

Prayers for your strength to keep going, though I know you're not on board with it.  I tell you it does have merit so I'll send them to you anyway.

White Crane

Yes, Crushed, it does hurt.  I can't stop the hurt but please know we all understand.  Sending hugs.

Brenda

Donr

Crushed, your last post shows another side of you. A great story to read.

toolbeltexpert

Crushed not sure if  many will understand you whipping a thimble on an anchor line. Both my dw and I took coast guard course's on boating and sailing. We loved the ocean. I scuba dove every chance I could and had a lobster license for many years. I learned how to make my own dock lines. My training kicked in the first time I took out a new boat one March on cape cod.  We were just getting clear of the harbor about 6 miles out and wondered why everyone was heading in there was a coast guard helicopter overhead. I saw what looked like a wall of fog, turned out it was a snow coming in. I had checked the noaa weather before I left but this storm came up from nowhere and now was bearing down on us. It went from 2 to 4 waves to 10 to 20 just like that. The boat nearly pitchpoled. It snow 2 inches in less that an hour. 40 mile an hour winds didn't make loading easy at all. We drove inland 20 miles and fished in the sunshine. It made the news as a surprise to everyone. I still have some of my lines. The boat is long gone.

We had many adventures, got to be among a pod of whales, saw the ocean covered for miles by sharks, watched the sunset from the ocean and the lights of the city. We saw lots of lighthouses that were only accessible on the ocean. We ate lots of fresh fish and all our friends that liked lobster ate their share at our house.  Those are some of our good days. Nowadays I fish at Captian D's and long for some sea food at the dock restaurant in Plymouth. 1100 miles from Tennessee.

MaryG123

Beautiful love stories, thank you for sharing, and I hope, sometimes, you can see that you were blessed with love.

Crushed

toolbeltexpert wrote:

Crushed not sure if  many will understand you whipping a thimble on an anchor line. Both my dw and I took coast guard course's on boating and sailing.

The eye splice has to match the thimble in length  (Metal holder)   then the anchor rode (short chain)  is attached with a shackle after the splice is long enough to be secure you trim the ends down and tuck them under  (splice whipping)  The joint you make is as strong as the anchor rope itself but can pass through a bullnose. (Bullnose: A hole in the bow used for being towed or mooring to a buoy)  In the Chesapeake bay it was common to attach a a buoy line to  the Thimble the same depth as the water so people would know how far out you were riding to anchor  
My father in law could not make one but he recognized it as  real "sailor stuff"  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDh45wCfQs8

Dio

Crushed, thanks for sharing your love and touching story! You are a romantic at heart. It seems that with greater the love, so is greater the pain. Two sides of the same coin. Wishing you peace, and hope that the greater love will carry you through the pain.

Crushed

DW was very clear in her negotiations with me that she needed a "wife"  She wanted somone to make a home for her, support her ambitions and be a full partner with children 
So I asked
  
you want a Wife.  Will I be sexually exploited?
She said "of course"  
 So I said "it's a deal
 
 

  

Dio

Crushed wrote:

DW was very clear in her negotiations with me that she needed a "wife"  She wanted somone to make a home for her, support her ambitions and be a full partner with children 
So I asked
  
you want a Wife.  Will I be sexually exploited?
She said "of course"  
 So I said "it's a deal
 
 

  

Awhh, sweet! My eyes just welled up.