No Holiday Spirit for Me

Vitruvius

I have no intention of decorating for the season. With DW in an MCF for the last few months it seems pointless and frankly a painful reminder of what we have lost. 

At Christmas 2019, DW seemed to fully engage with the season and understood the holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year. We set up and decorated the tree together. DW participated in and enjoy the various meals, activities and presents. 

For Christmas 2020, DW was clearly barely understanding that this was a special time of year. I set up the tree and encouraged her to help me decorate it, but she demurred. She did at least sit in the room while I did it and made understandable encouraging comments. She seemed OK at the various get-togethers, but didn't engage much.

By Christmas 2021, DW had zero appreciation of the holidays. I thought setting up the tree might help her get into it a least a little. No such luck, not only would she not help decorate but she repeatedly wouldn't even leave what she was doing in another room to watch me decorate. After I did it she paid the tree no notice. The family get-togethers seemed to mean little to her as well. 

This year her MCF has done a nice job at decorating. For halloween, a harvest theme (with only happy pumpkins), Thanksgiving and now Christmas. As we walk around I try to get her to notice the decorations and maybe understand the season. She smiles at them and wonders why they are there, sometimes making what I know is some joke about them (she retains an active sense of humor although the corresponding words often don't make sense).

Just venting here that the pain of DW's rapid decline is amplified by the season. 

toolbeltexpert

Vitruvius I am gonna second your feelings and raise the bar. I don't want to hear silent night, I know what it's about,but it's words just ring "silent night" every night now is silent. I don't care for television. So unless someone calls or I talk to the cats it's quiet. 

Vitruvius setting up Christmas at our house was a learning experience. I finally learned to take pictures where everything was and where the decorations came from to help ease the trouble it caused. Gift giving was a nightmare,she would question what she had given and unwrap it and rearrange gifts on the fly almost up to the moment she would give it.

My wife was a thoughtful person and liked to make her gifts. Afghans sweaters, scarfs, boggens. And lastly towels she would crochet a hanger on it so it could hang from the draw pull. She has 4 large boxes of finished  ones and double that not touched. She can no longer finish a towel. So I have about 200 towels that she finished.

I will bag all the gifts for her and either let her hand them out or I will and as always get pictures to ease her mind about whether she did someone.

The mcf did a fine fall decoration set up and now it's all about Christmas. I am gonna be like you not one decoration to remind me of how much I hate what dementia has done.

I hope you forgive my rant I hate being a downer but that's how it is for me.

I celebrate the gift I got every day from Jesus. 

Stewart

Ed1937

I wasn't going to put up a tree or anything else, but I have a handicapped son living with me, and he wants to put the tree up. So I told him we would do that. But it's not going to be up very long.

M1

I don't decorate either Vitruvius.  We actually have a small inflatable christmas tree, which is hilarious and used to be our "joke" decoration.  I can't find it now.

I wrapped presents for the grandchildren yesterday, it is easier to do it for them; and earlier in the fall I helped them make presents for their parents and other grandparents, which was fun.  One has a birthday on Dec 19 and my son's birthday is Dec 23, so it's always a convoluted thing in our family, further complicated by the fact that my mother died on Dec. 25.  Messy.  I'm always glad when it's over.

I care this year about thanking our good friends who have been so faithful about visiting my partner in MC.   I don't think my partner cares at all one way or the other; the other day she thought that Christmas was already come and gone (someone else mentioned this in another thread).  Makes it easier not to feel any guilt about not celebrating with her.

Sometimes it's just a relief to not make a big deal of it.  I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling.

jfkoc

I throw a garland on my easel, add some lights and a few special ornaments. I think it is perfect...

Kibbee

For a long time my attitude about the holidays has been that I will do as little, or as much, as I have interest, time and energy to accomplish.  Some years I have done the whole nine yards - tree, inside garlands and holiday decor, as well as outside lights and wreaths.  And some years all I've done is hang an ornament on the antlers of the deer head mount that I "inherited' from my brother!  Either way that approach has worked for me and kept me sane and happy.

Battlebuddy

  My mom passed her love of Christmas on to me. She did it up big . Lots of sparkle , red and green. My decorating is different but there is one thing I never waver on and that’s a live  tree. My whole house could burn down but as long as I escape with the dog and the Christmas ornaments ( I store them in a box in the bedroom so I can grab them and run) I’m good.  I have one and a half trees up now and I love to sit in the glow of it. Makes me think of “ the reason for the season”  I’ll be damned if Alzheimers is going to take my love of Christmas. I feel like it’s taken enough. 

  Having said that, where I am struggling is with the big family gathering on Christmas Eve. It’s loud and spirited ( think Big Fat Greek Wedding style) Sometimes there’s even a Conga line. Can’t really get there this year. Had to split up last Christmas and this Thanksgiving from the kids. They went to both events without me because I needed to stay with DH. It just made the kids miss both parents . I don’t want to be the quiet sad one at the party bringing people down. 

   So this year I just want to eat good food at home, sit near my tree, and have the kids here. No splitting up this year. Maybe I’ll actually get to go to a Christmas Eve service. Carols would be nice too

   

Arrowhead

A three-foot tall pre-lighted tree in our room and a Merry Christmas banner that can be seen when entering the house.

ghphotog

I've never been a fan of Christmas, long story, even though my DW loved to decorate the house, tree, everything. Meant nothing to me but lots of stress. Was always glad when all of the holidays were over. 

Now, I just put up a small tree and since I'm the only one that can shop for presents I just don't want to do it. It's been gift cards for everyone. Guess I'm a "bah humbug" kind of guy. It's kind of a relief that she doesn't seem to care anymore about all hoopla and money spent on this over commercialized season. Maybe someday I will regret my holiday attitude but now I can get past it a little easier.

Crushed

I asked DW to marry me on Christmas day 1972.  Since our wedding anniversary always conflicted with meetings we reserved Christmas as our special day

I have a tree that I can see through the door from my bedroom   I actually designed the glas door for that purpose  for DW
 

Buggsroo

Christmas was amazing when I was a child. My grandmother would have us for dinner and we got to open gifts after Christmas dinner. There were always little table favours, marvellous gifts and a huge beautiful tree. She lived in a house that was built in 1820, so the Christmases there were amazing.

My father was an alcoholic and he always got drunk on Christmas Eve, so Christmas got more difficult and more fraught as my brother and I got older. The Christmas hype and build up seemed to get bigger as every year passed. So I am ambiguous about it even to this day. 

My husband and I just got bored with it and I just started going to my uncle’s for dinner. So now that my husband is completely unaware of Christmas, it is just another day. I will order Thai food, eat a large slice of panettone and call it a day. I do miss seeing my family but can’t leave my husband alone in the evening.

Marie58

I still love Christmas: celebrating the birth of our Savior, the tree, the lights. the music, giving gifts...

I put everything up this year, although I have been downsizing my Christmas stuff for quite a while. I had a lot more in the past, but also had bigger homes and kids at home.

I've thought about not decorating every year for the last 3 or 4 years, but I do in the end. Last year I even drove around the neighborhood and looked at lights all by myself.

I figure I'm going to be sad whether or however I celebrate or not. So I choose to decorate. I'm listening to Christmas music as I type.