Need outlet

Need Outlet

So glad I found this site! Been trying to get thru this situation with my mom the best I can, and was looking for some support from others going thru similar situations.  She is reluctant to move and as she can live on her own for now, I do know that things are going to have to change in the very near future.  We have an appointment in March that will hopefully determine best route but then getting her to move, and have her understand it’s in her best interest in the next big hurdle.  

Just writing this first post has helped me know that there are others that can relate to these same experiences.  My husband does support me best he can but I feel bad having to upload lol of this on him.  And working a full time job is a bit tricky at times, but my employer is very supportive and allows me to be flexible with my hours.

Thanks for letting me vent for a minute. Looking forward to talking with everyone here and hearing your stories as well.

MrsAnnabelLee

Hi! I want to start by saying you're doing the right thing for discussing a move at this point. I know it's easy to get the voices in the back of your mind that maybe it's too soon, but it most likely is not. At the point when my mom was still able to live on her own but I knew we'd be facing a move soon, I walked into her house to find she'd been letting gas leak from her stove for 2 days. She handled the situation by plugging in an air freshener. She had clearly been putting on the show of a lifetime to mask how much her disease had progressed.

One thing that is important around this decision is the understanding that you most likely will never convince someone who has dementia that they "need" help or to move. A hallmark of the disease is the person not being able to see their own decline. With my mom, we told her her house needed extensive work and we found a place for her to stay while it got done. As a caretaker, our primary job is to do what we know is best and provide as much comfort to our loved one as possible, not necessarily as much understanding of the situation as possible. I know in my mom's case, information I gave was quickly forgotten and replaced by anxiety and suspicion.

SusanB-dil

Hi Need Outlet - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.   Glad you found our little corner of the world.

You will find that most of our LO are more than reluctant to move.  Your mom is on her own for now, but is someone making sure she is safe?  Evidently there are concerns already, so please check on things such as finances and food issues.  Make sure bills are being paid, and not the scammers.  Check to be sure she is eating properly and things are not out-of-date.

POA and medical access paperwork all done?  very important.

When it does come time to move, do not argue, just do it. As Mrs Annabell posted, fiblets usually work. 

Need Outlet

Thank you so much for your support!  It means a lot to know I’m thinking about the right things to think about.  And I like your comment about having to have work done on the house.  That may come in handy as we move forward. 

I’m really glad I posted earlier today! Thanks again for your helpful information.

Need Outlet

Hi Susan,

Thank you for your response today.  You mention some great pointers and thank goodness we have those covered: POA, finances, etc. We shop together for her groceries so I make sure she’s eating well.  She will sometimes say something costs too much and remove it from the cart, but I put it right back in!  

Your information has been very helpful so I thank you for responding.