Trying to make things easier

Ed1937

It takes work, but you can do it. It all comes down to your thinking. Your brain will always lead you to the negative aspects of a situation. That's automatic. So you have to work to change that. Consider the following situation. A friend tells you they had a conversation with your LO, and they seem just fine.

“I just had a conversation with your LO, and he/she seems to be perfectly normal.”
Here are 5 ways you might think about that.
They think I’m trying to justify placement. They think I’m exaggerating everything.  I'm tired of hearing that.. They think I’m doing a great job as a caregiver. They’re trying to be kind.
#1 through #3 will not make you feel very good. #4 and #5 will be much easier to digest. Diane (sandwichone) said she chose to hear what was said as a compliment to her caregiving. She did such a good job, her LO looked great. That is perfect thinking, but she had to intentionally steer her brain in that direction. It was not automatic. Don't forget -- the brain looks for negative things.
Obviously, if someone said you were doing everything wrong, you will have a really hard time putting a positive spin on that. But you can put a positive spin on many things, including what your LO might say to you. When something happens, stop to ask yourself how you want to think about it. Here's another example.
You see an old friend at the grocery store. You ask him what he thought of the game last night. He doesn't even look at you. He just keeps walking. Here are a few ways you can look at that.
1. What a jerk!! 2. He seems to have a lot on his mind. I hope things are OK. 3. I don't really have time to talk. Glad he didn't hear me. 4. He must have forgotten his hearing aids.
Take your choice. I'll take #2.

storycrafter

Thanks, Ed, for the helpful points and observations. It's  useful to be aware of how our brains tend to operate.

I was feeling quite low earlier this week. I was aware of why, at least partially. It's the anniversary of the terribly difficult month two years ago when my father had a catastrophic event and died. It was complicated many times over by the pandemic restrictions in full swing at the time. There's also a current family situation going on right now that is very sad. Between the two, I was seriously grieving.

Fortunately, I had a meeting with a counselor this week who asked me a few questions, made a few simple observations, gave me a reality check, and mirrored my soul back to me. That simply I was feeling much better within a couple hours. I thought to myself, why can't I do that for myself? Well, I'm working on it. I'm trying to pay attention and learn the thinking strategies to help myself. In the meantime, I've got a good counselor on my side, a friend or two I could call, and this group to help me regain perspective and balance.

At tough times, like, anniversary dates of loved ones passing, holidays or other times when the pressure is on in extra ways, or when we're fatigued for any reason, it is all too easy to mentally spiral down into a dark place. One of the things that would be most useful at such times is a best friend's compassion and support. We need to be our own best friend and can work toward countering the negative internal voices.

Thanks for your examples of how to turn things around for ourselves, and the reminder of how we can choose our thoughts, choose our focus. Not always an easy feat, but it's worth the effort to keep working on it. With a little help from each other we can keep on keeping on.

PaulaJM

Thank you Ed, very good advice.  No the hard part is train my brain to think that way.  Thank you for sharing.