Need some advice(3)

Jarmac

My SO has short term memory loss. We have been together for 7 years. He wants me to be his executor. “I want you in charge if I get sick”. We have had these conversations for years. He just put it off. If he makes a will or medical POA or a POA now…will they be considered valid? I do not benefit in any way if he passes. He has a contentious son that I don’t want to deal with. Another estranged son. 3 “stepdaughters” who only give lip service to “call if you need anything”. He insists on care from VA and will never get outside treatment. I don’t know how I would persuade him to listen to me. He lives with me so I am the caregiver.  I am thankful that he can still do all his normal living activities. .

Ed1937

Jarmac, my advice would be for you to contact a CELA (certified elder law attorney). Explain what your concerns are so you can get good advice. If you got a DPOA, the children could challenge it if they thought he was incapable of making the decision. You want to make sure it will stand up if necessary, so give the attorney all the information, even if you think it's not in your best interest. That's the safest way to do it.

dayn2nite2

An executor is for after death.  If there is no legal marriage and he wants you to be the person to make his medical decisions for him, you must see an attorney and get that status legalized for health care AND financial.  Please know that if you do not have control of financial decisions, you will not be able to make health care decisions for him because health care is tied to money.

If he wants you to have health care responsibility and will not give you financial responsibility, decline and tell him his children will have to make his decisions for him.

What are his plans for if/when he needs placement?  This would be a good time for him and you to scout out facilities and get his input into the decision you may end up implementing in the future.  This decision will depend on how he intends to fund his care and what is available in your area.

If he will only get his care from the VA, expect lots of appointments and lots of waiting, as I'm sure he's aware.  Just as well, because outside medicine has little/nothing to offer him anyway.