Waking up every day like it is the first time in memory care

Etti

Thank you in advance for your suggestions.  My mother-in-law is in memory care and has been there for about a month now.  She wakes up every day and thinks it is her first day there.  She calls my husband every day (several times a day) and says she is ready to leave but she doesn't have anywhere to go.  It makes me feel awful that we don't have her come live with us but that just wouldn't work.  She is definitely in the best place for her situation - it is very nice and they take good care of her.  She has friends and they do activities but she doesn't remember.  Each day she wakes up and starts all over again.  Any advice?

MN Chickadee

Give it more time. A month is not all that long in terms of adjustment to MC. Eventually she will come to recognize it as familiar and this will stop. My mother took at least 8 weeks to settle in at all and be comfortable in MC. I would use therapeutic fibs and validate her feelings when you speak with her. Pretend it is temporary. The doctor wants you to stay there another day to get stronger. We will be together soon. I will come get you in a few days when my car is out of the shop or the weather is better. I love you and am here for you. It will be ok. Talk up the upcoming activities. 

Have you considered making the phone disappear? They often become more of a problem than they are worth and a source of anxiety for the PWD. The facility will call if there is a problem. 

Ed1937

Most people seem to settle in within the first 2 months or so. But we have a member who still can't see his wife in a 1 on 1 situation. It must be in a group setting. It's probably close to 8 months for him now. But that is over the top rare. You just don't know how long it will take. But taking them out of a good environment back to something that is unworkable isn't the solution.

Etti

Thank you so much.  That is very helpful.  We hate to take away the phone because it is the one thing she can still have some control over but it is worth thinking about.