Please don't leave me!

ghphotog

My DW wakes up every morning crying and sobbing about not knowing where she is, wants to go home with her mom and dad who are long gone, but she also pleads with me to not leave her.

I don't know if she senses that she's drifting away and will forever forget me at some point or she's just scared because she no longer recognizes our home. She makes me promise, in tears, not to leave her and I do promise her. So I can only hope that if and when I place her she will be so far gone she will not have a clue that she's in a MCF.

Sad we are hoping our LO's become so far gone they won't know what's happening anymore. Would completely break my heart if I placed her now so I will wait until the last minute.

Dizzy lizzy

oh, so sorry.  My heart goes out to you.

Ed1937

You told her you would not leave her. You didn't say you would never place her, and you may not have a choice at some time. Just remember that dementia has no problem with taking two lives instead of one. You have to realize when your health is starting to struggle.

My wife also asked me not to leave her, even as she was threatening to leave to stay at her parents' house. Of course they have been gone for quite a few years. I'm sorry it's so hard.

toolbeltexpert

Ghphotog I visit my wife every day and many times she is in her room crying and when I get to her she is not wanting to do this anymore, how much longer do I have to be here, can't you take me home?  in the last week she has asked me several times if I want to marry her? I thought you would never ask I say, of course I do! really she says? and then there are the times she is sitting 2 feet from me and doesn't recognize me. Yes you are right about what you said about recognizing you I have the same thoughts but I know when that happens I will just long for one more time, so I take it one day at a time, doing my best to see her thru this part with love. I can't say how much I hate this disease and what it does to the pwd.

Stewart

ghphotog

Stewart, my wife went to bed about an hour ago however, I keep one ear glued to the bedroom in case I hear crying because she woke up and realized she was alone or saw something scary.
Yes, this disease is too much and as Ed said previously it cares nothing about taking two down at the same time.

toolbeltexpert

That was me, checking to see if she had gone to bed, I could see her light thru the floor vent, her room was on the second floor and mine on the first. It was always a waiting game before I could sleep somewhat.

Placing was a good thing even though she still knows me,I can get up and walk away and she may not know I was even here. Today I will eat lunch with her and then leave. But the leaving is never easy for me for her it goes OK she might ask about me but she is easily redirected. They say it's better if they are still with it so they can get acclimated. She's  been here since Sept 20th and I am seeing signs she is bonding. I understand what you're going thru and it's no fun at all. All I can say is just keep reassuring that you'll always be there, it always gives my wife the peace she needs.  I really loved her reaction when she asked me if I would marry her. I said I was wondering if you wanted to, I said of course and she said really! I love her to the moon.

Stewart

saltom

Once again this forum has answered my questions and been my salvation. DH is probably not entirely ready for memory care, but I realize I am.  He's 89, I'm 86 and physically and mentally beginning to question whether or not I can continue caring for him at home even with care givers coming in two mornings a week which DH tolerates but doesn't like. Through Hospice I found a wonderful care placement specialist and she and our daughter visited three places yesterday. Other than price sticker shock - so many fees are added on to basic cost, I think we found a group home that would be a good fit for my husband. And I will sleep better knowing that if anything happens to me, our daughter won't be stuck finding a place for her father in a crisis situation. There comes a point where family lives, not just the dementia victim's have to be considered.  Thank you all of you who have paved this path for me.

Paris20

I visit my husband several times a week. As soon as I arrive at his skilled nursing facility he grabs my hand and doesn’t let go. He repeatedly tells me that he loves me. It makes me want to cry.