Our year with aides. Quit, quit, next, and next.

Olly_Bake

Just sharing the history of aides this year since others have shared their experience.

First aide had to be told everything or would not move even to fix him something to eat. The next aide didn't want dad to participate when he was able. Would always spoon feed him when he was able to do so on his on just slowly.

So switched companies when he went to the hospital.

Our first aide was a bit on the rush side and kind of ruff when it came to diaper changes. So the last time the aide was shoving dad from side to side to change him, he managed to grab a handful of hair and take her down. My sibling had to get the aide released. This was once he was back home from hip pinning surgery after leaving nursing home. Was glad this aide quit.

The next aide I thought was perfect. Dad even loved her.  I thought everything was fine until the camera showed the aide along with two problem siblings discussing me negatively. Never knew there was a problem and thought we worked well together. These two siblings worked hard to have the aide distrust me was the basis of the conversation. I talked to the aide about it the next evening. Following day, got notified the aide quit.

Next aide. The aide came in lacking energy But wanting help, I went ahead with training and presented the paper with care instruction. The aide said that's too much. Checking the camera off and on that evening was confirmation they were going to quit. Dad was hallucination that night and seeing lizards on the ceiling (usual) and someone standing at bedroom door (usual). I could tell it was freaking the aide out. Next day was a no show. Called the company and it was confirmed another quit.

Second chance aide. I agreed figuring maybe we got off on the wrong foot the first time. Ha, ha, NO!  After the aide got settled for the evening, I let the aide know there were a few pieces of clothes that needed drying and a few dishes (one handful). This aide put their hands on their hips and gave me what appeared to be a death stare. So I was like are you okay? Are you understanding? Still no response. So then I was like why are you not responding? The aide finally goes I hear you. Then I presented the care paper showing what his care will look like moving forward. Again, death stare. Then I asked do you understand or have questions? The aide goes, I don’t need you to tell me anything, I’ve have taken care of people including your dad before. I told her now it’s confirmed that there is attitude. Immediately notified company that aide is never to set foot in this home ever again.

The now aide is freaking out about too many, number two, diaper changes the past few weeks and talked of quitting. I didn't understand this because everything med wise is the same and I don't have those episodes. These episodes only happen on my days off. The aide was thinking I was pushing the dirty work off on them and sibling was working hard to convince that was the case. I asked this week that the aide call upon that sibling for help and so far, no more bad stomach episodes.

All I know is this is hard to see people cycling in and out and at times I want to waive the flag and surrender in regards to extra help. I want to waive the flag because dad only have me that provide care although having a bunch of other children. Hopefully I can see him through. But boy I'm worried about such a time when it may be time for me. I think the rest of us are in for a ruff ride.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Olly_Bake

Initially there was no paper. It was introduce everyone, show where clothing and foods were kept, how to change him, how to use the lift, what time meds were to be given, what time to feed, bath, etc. All verbal with hands on.

Then a couple of aides were saying for one reason or another, they didn’t know how to keep going (what to do). That’s when I did the one sheet saying what time to give meds (setup already), serving time ideas (foods already setup), safety tips as presented by his doctors and home health agency, activities he enjoy, etc.

With that being said Victoria2020, I will present as my notes in the future.

May flowers

Ugh, I’m sorry to hear you are having so many issues with caregivers. We had our fair share too. I can’t remember if you were using an agency. Maybe try another agency? I think some agencies don’t pay their caregivers well and they end up with less than stellar results.

The dynamic with the siblings needs to change too… no one wants to step into family drama. Caregiving is hard enough without all the gossip and backbiting! If the siblings must be part of this conversation maybe there is a way you all can come to terms on what is expected and ask them to leave the personal stuff out of it!

After much trial and error, I found what worked best for us is I dedicated a day with a new aid (not feasible for everyone). So I didn’t just tell them, I modeled his care, and walked them through the process. I could still walk away when he was being fed or napping, but would step back in for the next thing. And I pushed three BIG (non negotiable) rules - clean, safe, dignified. The dignified covers those that do the job but don’t interact or are rough.

Also, for the written instructions, I ended up making the schedule very simple. I put breakfast, lunch, nap headers with bullet points under each as to what is expected. A blurb at the bottom listed activities he enjoyed. It all fit on one page in large font.

Then, on a second page, I put all my helpful tips. Those were things that worked for us. I told every caregiver that they can do things their way, but these tips would make their job easier. My FILs final caregiver followed all of it to a t, and said that it really did help. 

Our last and best caregiver was a woman who had never been a caregiver before, she had just taken care of her MIL for years, to the very end. She really got it on so many different levels what we were trying to do. So not only was she competent, she was also very compassionate. I pray you find someone like her. 

​fesk

Oily, I am sorry you are having such difficulties with the aides but, unfortunately, not surprised.

The papers you have should not be presenting an issue with the correct aide. I have information on what works and doesn't for my mother, her cues, routine, etc. I also have a daily log that is completed by the aides.

If you haven't already, be sure to give those papers to any agency you are dealing with and be up-front about your expectations. Have the agency go over them with the aide before they begin. You can then discuss the responsibilities when they get there and leave the papers as a reference. 

I am trying to use a team of aides now. I realize it is too much for any one aide to do this full time. I currently have 2 and am interviewing for my 3rd. I have been through several that have not worked. A few years ago this would not have worked, but it is the right course of action now.

You may want to interview different agencies and have more than one look for you. I noticed you have dealt with two so far it seems. It is really hit or miss and, unfortunately, there are some agencies who will send anyone whether they can do the job well or not. You may also want to consider hiring privately but that is more work.

 
Also, I do not put up with laziness, dishonesty, etc. and have what would be described as high standards for my mom's care. I think we all probably have that standard for our loved ones. But, keep in mind, it's rare to find an aide that is good at everything. There are some, but it is rare. I have one that is good at all but another that's not great at engaging with my mother. So instead of forcing that issue with the one who is not good at it, it's a quality that I'm looking for in the 3rd aide I'm interviewing for. The day will be split up between 2 aides, so my mother will get the engagement from one of the aides during the day at a time of day that works well. So, I don't know what type of coverage you are looking for but you may have to be creative about getting your father's needs met. I am sorry your siblings are making it more difficult than it needs to be too.

I hope that helps some.

Edit: May flowers was posting at the same time I was. I agree, take one day and go over everything if you can, having the aide see how you interact so they can model it is very important.