help at home: when is it time for that?

blues

I think many of you have kept your spouse/partner at home for as long as possible, yet some had reason (and means) to hire a helper/aide to assist with care or maybe just for company. Perhaps this started with just a few hours per week or per day and gradually ramped up.  If this situation describes you at some point in this journey, can you recall why you first sought help when you did?  That is, how was your spouse/partner's doing at the time, and what duties did the caregiver have? I would be interested in your experience as I contemplate whether now is the time to take this next step of getting a little help.

Rick4407

Hello Blues, I hired a lady to help out about 15 months ago.  My wife was in early stage 6.  Still continent and active though with huge memory problems.  Initially she worked 1 day a week, primarily as a general house cleaner for 3-4 hours. That allowed me to concentrate on taking care of my DW rather than also trying to keep house as well.   

Her situation was 61 years old and living with a married girl friend for the last 7-8 years.  She was unhappy in her receptionist job and quit after being here for 3 months with just the cleaning salary.  ($100/week)  She looked for another job for 2 weeks or so and I offered her a weekly salary to "help out" with my DW.  I offered room & board + $500 per week.  I continued to concentrate on my DW.  She continued her part time job as a referee at local high school games, some evenings and some weekends.  Her time helping with my DW was maybe 1-2 hours a day.  

Over the past 9 months that has increased to 2-3 hours per day.  I do the majority of the cooking and all of my wife's and my laundry.  I have a CPA that does my taxes and I set up with him to do her payroll and take care of various state and federal taxes.  That gives me the benefit of a large tax deduction.  

My wife is now entering stage 7 and going under hospice care in the next few weeks.  I expect to keep her home through the end.  

The lady I hired was a single mother and had a couple years of college toward a BS as a RN.  It has worked out fairly well.  In addition to help with my wife, she has provided a little adult company for me.  After my DW passes I expect she will move west as she wants to live in Colorado near her adult son.  

On a university campus you may find someone who would be interested in a similar circumstance.  Good luck.

jfkoc

I suggest getting "help" when you can budget it. 

At first I pretty much did not leave the house or the three of us would go out for lunch. She was great company...we both enjoyed her. It was a breath if fresh air!

Judi57

I hired someone after I came home from church one Sunday and discovered my husband on the floor.  He had forgotten he couldn't get up and tried to make it to the bathroom.  

After that, I had a lady come sit with him while I ran errands.  That was her only duty is sit and watch him.  Later she started doing dishes and doing personal care for him since she was a CNA trying to start her own business.

After diagnosis, my husband qualified for the Medicaid Waiver program for our state.  That person came 5 days a week, a total of about 22 hours.  She cleaned his room, washed him, folded laundry, and was here if I needed to go out.  She was indeed a great help.  But she moved, and since then it has been a revolving door of caregivers.

After our five year journey, he is now on hospice, and that care grants him 2 CNA's to clean him and a nurse who visits once a week.

My advice is if you are asking, it might be time to get help as long as it fits in your budget.

JJAz

Get help when you need it, not when your spouse needs it.

Jgirl57

I learned from this forum that if your loved

one could not call 911 for real help  they probably 

Should not be home alone . I have hired a women

to come in every other week for a few hours so I could get a break

away from home. They play checkers, bake cookies ,

and do simple crafts. It is a women recommend by my

HWD’s daughter so he accepts her as a family friend.

I have also hired a housekeeper 2x a month  for

light housework. Our budget can manage this for now.

You need to do what helps you to help your loved one .

saltom

I agree the home help is for me as much as DH. DH could not be left alone, nor did he want to go grocery shopping and run errands with me.  I didn't want to be responsible for social security taxes and workmen's comp so I opted for care through an agency.  I called several agencies and wound up interviewing three in detail.  We've used in home care for about six months. The caregiver originally came 4 hours two days a week so I could walk with friends and go grocery shopping.  I am in the process of upping hours to more days a week. We have one regular care giver who is a jewel. She mainly watches DH but does make the bed, do light vacuuming and puts dishes in the dishwasher or a load of laundry through. It is difficult when she can't come and we have a substitute which happens once or twice a month. It still has been a big help in maintaining my sanity. It's not cheap, but well worth it.  I am now contemplating memory care in a licensed home as my health is telling the toll of being the primary caregiver.