Wife With Alzheimer's Won't Change Clothes or Bathe

STEVEN W BEYER

I'm new here. My wife, who is in the middle stage of the disease, refuses to change her clothes, dress for bed or bathe. I am in the process of having some plumbing issues repaired in the bathroom with a tub in which she liked to use to soak and relax. We also have a shower in another bathroom that she could use. She used to be very fastidious about her hygiene, but that seems to have gone to the wayside. Wouldthe issue with the shower be that she's become fearful of the water hitting her head while she's in the shower? The refusal to change her clothing, even when she goes to bed is a mystery to me.

Colt99

 Common problem and we have been going thru this for several months. DW is always cold and with the onset of winter I suggested warming up in the bathtub. Not for getting clean but to just get warm. I have hot towels and clean clothes for her when she gets out. Has been working for two months now but I know nothing lasts.

zauberflote

Hi Steven, and welcome! I'll bet if you asked her, your wife would tell you she just bathed and these clothes are clean! In her world, that would be perfectly factual and true. 

My mom hated showers in the last several months. I once walked into her MC to hear a woman screaming bloody murder down the hall-- turned out to be Mom in the shower. There was nothing I could do except switch her to bed baths with the hospice aide, which went much much better. Any shower is so full of overloading sensory input for many with dementia. The water hitting their skin hurts, the noise is confusing and distressing, parts of them may be too cold while others are too hot. Nothing feels safe. That tub you have sounds very nice! Maybe the plumber can do a quick new showerhead with a removable hand-held sprayer in your shower. That might help? I hope your plumbing work goes well. 

LaurenB

My mom has no clue that she hasn't showered and for us being on a schedule helps.  I also added a shower transfer bench as well as a hand held shower wand.  Recently she has become more modest and I have been putting her on the shower transfer bench with her upper half fully clothed and will address the lower half first.  When it comes time to do the top half and the hair, I undress her and give her a towel to hold across her chest.  I then get it wet with the warm water and she feels covered and will sometimes help me to wash her upper body.  When we dry off, I give her one big towel for her to cover and use and I use the other to actually dry her.  I also give her constant reminders that it's just us girls in the bathroom, the door is locked, and that "We (her maiden last name) girls need to stick together."  (She finds comfort in that.)

Cosmic

DW began not bathing but "washing up". Find out that she could no longer step into the tub or shower. Walk in tub was out of the question $$. solution was to install a large 60x42 walk in shower with a hand held spray nozzle, movable bench and three grab bars that we got from a medical supply store. Took a while for me to build the shower but she has no problems now.

Looking forward- the area is large enough that two people can easily be in there when she needs help.

Pam My

How do you all respond when your LO says she just wants to die?

Joydean

Steven my husband has the same problem. Think’s he has just had a shower, and is too cold! I warn the bathroom up, adjust the water so it’s warm. Have clean clothes in bathroom and tell him come on honey I’ve got everything ready. He will now just follow me and I talk the entire time while helping get his clothes off, ask him to feel how nice and warm the water feels, he will agree then I just start washing him and he then seems to enjoy his shower. I have two towels ready and give him one and I start drying him with the other towel. Get him dressed and back in front of his little heater and offer him a snack. Works for now. But he is late 5 to mid 6. And yes I’m worn out after the ordeal but it’s so worth it!  The main thing is making bathing as pleasant for your lo as possible and trying not to make a big deal about bathing. Keep talking about anything pleasant to her!

Whatdowedonext

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/63352/wife-with-alzheimers-wont-change-clothes-or-bathe

My husband wasn't changing his clothes. I discovered that he could not find his clean clothes and keep track of which items were clean and which needed to go into the laundry. I have learned to scoop up the dirty clothes, get them into the hamper, and lay out clean items. With that support, he can dress independently.

M1

Very common problem steven. My partner now in MC will not let anyone besides me help her bathe and even with me she is resistant. You could try showering with her; short of that you are likely going to have to provide at least standby assistance, and talk her through it- she probably can't remember the steps. Ditto with dressing, she probably needs more help. My partner sleeps in her clothes and I am managing to get her in the shower once or twice a week.

leilani

This is actually when we suspected my LO had early onset dementia. She stopped caring for her appearance and personal hygiene. Unfortunately, this doesn't get better. I've been giving my LO showers for the past 6 years and dressing her. It can be a struggle depending on her mood. I also have outside help through out the week.