Question about incontinence

Belldream

I am wondering if anyone has experienced this and what their outcomes were. This is a little too difficult to google and get any response that actually addresses my question. Bear with me please!

At the end of October, my husband woke up one morning unable to walk. He was walking fine the night before. His cognitive functioning was also at a medium-high level but that day when he couldn't walk, his cognitive functioning took a deep dive. He ended up in the ICU and we discovered he had contracted RSV - which explained the altered mental status, but not really the walking piece. 

After about 10 days and all the testing they could do, they transferred him to a rehabilitation SNF. He is now walking again thank goodness, however his mental status hasn't recovered much. He will be released Tuesday and I am going to attempt to care for him at home.

My question is - before all of this happened, he was taking care of his own needs with minimal assistance, and this included going to the bathroom. When he went into the ICU, they put diapers on him because he couldn't walk to the bathroom, so that made sense. He has been in diapers since then - even at the rehab place. There have been a handful of times where I helped him to the toilet and he would go, but he would be back in a diaper afterwards, and they are so short staffed that it's impossible for them to help every patient to the bathroom all day long. 

Now with him coming home, I am sad to think he might need to continue wearing diapers. He hates them and pulls them off all the time. I don't know if it's possible he could begin using the toilet as he had in the past, before all this began. I am wondering if anyone else has experienced this situation, where your loved one isn't really incontinent, but they have increased confusion and unfortunately were in a situation where they had to wear diapers for an extended period of time (in this case about 7 weeks) and now you are faced with a new responsibility in caring for them.  

I really treasure this group of caring individuals!

Sligo177

Hi Belldream,

Does he just hate the idea of wearing the depends?  I get that - would he be open to wearing a pad in his underwear?  My DH uses the grey depends, which doesn't look as much like a diaper.  It's so hard to face these changes.  You want to preserve his dignity. 

My DH was put in depends during a hospital stay when he was delirious, and has never made any comment about wearing them - he went from hospital to rehab to memory care.  I thought it was a good idea to keep this transition.  He wasn't incontinent for 4 months, until about 2 weeks ago, when he would urinate in the toilet and then go again shortly after, unaware that he was still urinating....Good luck, and I know you'll find a solution. 

Belldream

In the hospital and at rehab, they use diapers with tabs, like a baby would wear. He never wore diapers at home before, but now he's coming home and I'm trying to prepare.

Knowing nothing about incontinence, I'm taking a crash course! I was just looking at Depends ... do you find the flex fit or the true fit work better for you? Why don't they just put all the features in one product!!

Rick4407

Hello Bell, when my DW go to the point of frequent "accidents" I put her in Depends.  They fit well and met her needs.   After a week or so, I just threw away all of her regular underwear so there was never a question of what she would wear.   The transition was just a nothing event.  Now Amazon automatically sends us a package every 2 weeks.  Rick

Marie58

When DH started having accidents, I put him in the gray pull up Depends, not the tab ones. I just introduced them as new underwear and he accepted that. Equally important in my opinion, is to put him on a bathroom schedule, watch for signs he has to go, and always use the bathroom before leaving the house. DH wore the Depends for quite a while before he was actually incontinent. But it was certainly peace of mind and easier clean up for me if/when he had an accident.

Hope the transition goes well for both of you.

Dio

I think the only way to know for sure is when your husband actually is home. Maybe just being back in his comfort environment, he will behave differently. Be prepared with some padded underwear and pull up diapers just to cover. See how he goes first and then decide whether padded underwear or diapers are needed. Then perhaps in time he'll go back to his normal baseline (if upon being home normal doesn't quite kick in).

Ed1937

Hi Bell. When my wife needed something, I tried depends like pull ups. They didn't work very long, but she didn't give me a hard time about wearing them. I got rid of her panties right away. As time went on, she needed a better quality pull up. Someone on this forum a few years ago mentioned Parentgiving.com. They have a lot of different supplies, and you can order samples, which I would recommend because what works best for us might not be best for you. I think the samples are $2.99, and they come 2 to a pack. We used Dry Direct Ultimate pull ups made in Italy. They also have the same name made in the U.S., but they're not quite as good. I think the company is top notch, and they get the orders out quickly. But the samples might take a little longer to get. 

They also have products other than incontinence products. And they have phone consultation if you would like to talk to someone there. The number is on the website.

ImMaggieMae

The pull up incontinence underwear like Depends, Tena or several other brands aren’t like a diaper, they’re like padded underwear. You can tear them at the side seams to remove them or just pull them off the same way you put them on. They seem much more normal than a diaper and get the job done. You can also get pads to use either in regular underwear or in these pull up underwear. Mens or womens pads all work fine and come in different absorbency levels. I remind my DH to use the toilet every couple of hours. I usually just say, “Come on, let’s see if you have to go” and just start walking toward the bathroom. If he’s wet, I just change the pull up or pad or both and we don’t make a big deal of it. I bought one of these for the upstairs and downstairs bathrooms which makes disposal simple and contains odors: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00R5BVLXW/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1

We use these on his side of our king sized bed at night. We have a few so I’m not washing them every day. Actually the pee pads almost always stop wetness at that point. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B076X1LF6R/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&th=1

And one of these on top of it: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07SB89F9G/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

He wears the pull ups and high absorbency pad at night but usually sleeps through til about 5 or 6:00 and these protect the bed against any leaks.

You may not even need all of these supplies at this point, but if and when you do, these work for us.

Belldream

I thank you all for your wonderful advice. We are using the depends quite successfully. He does try sometimes to urinate in the toilet standing up and misses each time so I'll be getting a swiffer or something with the disposable cleaning pads to make that cleanup easier. He also has had one accident where he had a bm on the bedroom rug, then went into the bathroom to wash his hands, of course with no soap. This will be a challenge at times or perhaps often. He's only been home 48 hours. Hoping things will improve but may be a pipe dream.  I took all of your advice and also found a post in the caregivers forum which talked about layering the bed, which I've also done. It sure is difficult on us caregivers, all we want is to care for our LOs but in the process we have to handle such difficult things.