Friend is overwhelmed and needs help NOW

Btbam

So I've been trying to find some way to help my friend who is the caretaker of her grandma who has Dementia. This might be a little long..

My friend has been a live in caregiver of her grandma who has Dementia for about 5 years. A little over a week ago the grandma suffered a small stroke. She was sent to a rehabilitation center but it was quickly determined that she was uncooperative and her dementia had worsened quickly.

So the rehabilitation center said she couldn't stay, which is where the chaos started. 

The only family the grandma has is my friend, and two sons.. my friends uncles. One uncle wants nothing to do with any of it. But the other has power of attorney. He only came to see the grandma twice while in the hospital and rehabilitation. 

The grandma has been screaming for help for hours straight and is completely unable to get up on her own while in the rehabilitation center. My friend tried to explain to the POA uncle that she could not care for her like this that she was physically unable to. He would not listen. On Thursday he gave the order for her to be returned home on Friday.  He informed my friend that if she did not take care of her that she would be kicked out of the grandma's house, along with her husband and 3yr old non verbal highly autistic kid.

My friend has scrounged to get things ready in such a short amount of time. A hospital bed and bedside commode can't be delivered until Monday.  At home health care person won't start until Monday. 

Friday grandma arrived home and according to my friend.. the grandma has not slept in 24hrs. Screams for help, begging to die every few minutes. At about 1am she started screaming so much they called 911, the doctor said she has scholiosis, gave her some pain medicine and had them take her home. She's still yelling.It's Saturday now and my friend is mentally exhausted. Her husband is trying to help. But one needs to be with the child at all times also. Neither has gotten any sleep. My friend is so stressed that she gets sick when she eats just after one night.  

They need help. The POA uncle isn't answering his phone. And my friend is trying but is also terrified that they will get kicked out if they don't do what the uncle wants. I live to far away to be of any help. Please does anyone have any advice on who she should call or what she can do. They won't make it until Monday. 

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M1

Welcome to the forum.  Agree with Victoria, it's very difficult to be the caregiver without having power of attorney or some sort of enforcible contract.  Also agree that it sounds like grandmother needs rehospitalization on a geriatric psych ward to see if meds can stabilize and before any discharge plans (home, hospice, facility) are made.  But the son with POA is the one to make those decisions, unless he resigns and appoints someone else (or if a backup is designated in the existing paperwork).

M1

ps don't know if it would help, but the Alzheimer's Association has a 24/7 help line, 1-800-272-3900.  Your friend could call.

Quilting brings calm

Your friend is in extremely difficult position.  One that she needs to extract herself from.  She needs to visit a lawyer or a social worker on her own behalf.  I would not be a volunteer caregiver if someone else had POA. Especially if that person was making life more difficult for me to suit himself.  First she really needs to find the money to move and not allow herself to be so beholden to her uncle.  Second she needs to require that she be paid to caregive.  Third she needs to tell her uncle that he needs to properly arrange for his mom’s care or turn him into adult protective services.  He is taking advantage of her and is not properly executing his POA responsibilities 

If she isn’t able to move out, the only other thing to do would be to go to court for guardianship.  Which should be expensive because the uncle would object and would  evict her for doing so.