Reality tonight. Just thoughts

ghphotog

I know this is all very real but tonight, after putting DW to bed and telling her I'll be right there after I step outside and smoke my pipe, cold yes but not bitterly so. I'm standing there by myself, for practically the entire day with out my shadow, so I'll take it, all the while listening for her to start crying.  The reality of where my wife and I are at hits like a brick.

I'm so used taking every day one day at a time, one moment at a time, always focusing on the here and now. I see the changes happen, accept them and move on. I see them and care for them but something is always wanting my attention so I just accept the new normal if you will and move on. Almost a fog, maybe caregiver brain fog? IDK

Then a few moments to myself and bam! Reality hits like a brick. 

storycrafter

I hear you Ghph. I get it. You describe what I'm feeling right now. Your words are reassuring to read. We're not alone in the "human experience." Thanks for writing about your reality. It helps me see my own more clearly through that very real fog you mention.

M1

I'm sure the looming appointment is part of that.  Hope it goes well.  Maybe better to go in with low expectations.  I was hoping that when my partner was diagnosed (or told by our PCP she had dementia) that there would be an aha moment and she would know what that meant.  He never told her, and she didn't--still doesn't, even though she's been told frequently now.  Hope it's helpful.  they'll probably order more tests, I doubt if they will prescribed any medication tomorrow (and don't hold out big hopes there either).  

Let us know how it goes.  Do you have your concerns down in writing for the doc?  Probably helpful to do so, you're the one who's seeing what's happening day to day.  Others will say to sit out of her line of sight but where you can signal to the doc your agreement/disagreement with her responses to questions.

Davegrant

 ghphotog; I think I can identify with your post. In the morning, I start the day with my coffee and my computer and some of yesterday's challenges have quieted down, there is a period when everything is as it always was , then I hear lo making waking up noises and the elephant named dementia  in the room returns. Living with someone whose behavior shows glimpses of what  was , along side behaviors that are new and difficult for me to understand.  I go to my new focus of trying to live in the moment and handle my emotions while I try to solve the problems of the day. Only to repeat the days of the last six years. My dw has anosognosia so there is little chance that we will have any common understanding. No wonder that the journey is lonely. 

Dave