Estranged from my mother

SL001

My mother is 83 - exhibiting signs of dementia, but not diagnosed. Living alone, refusing to talk to me. I did not get guardianship and now I am just missing her living apart from her. She lives in a gated community and has refused to see me. There were never any relatives or friends to talk to. She is in Florida and there is no one to reach out to her. Adult protective services is not an option as she would have to voluntarily let them in. I could try for a wellness check with the police, but I can't do daily or even monthly checks. Every person that she ends up speaking to that has spoken to me says that she says that I am against her, which is the farthest from the truth, but I guess it is her truth right now.  

How do I navigate this. I am an only child, and I am suffering in silence. The only person she said that she wanted to talk to before to "help us" was Dr. Phil. Where does this go from here. 

From what I understand, I would only have any recourse if my mother were very very badly ill and could absolutely not function, then I would get guardianship. 

Ed1937

You said you did not get guardianship. Is that because you were refused guardianship, or because you did not pursue it? 

It sounds as if she is not showing signs of dementia to the point where it would be noticeable to others. If that is the case, you probably can't do much about what happens. I'm sorry you are in such a position.

It also sounds as if there is no way she is willing to give you POA. At some point she will need someone to have POA, if not you, someone else. Or you will have to find a way to get guardianship.

SL001

No, there is no POA, and I spent $8,000 trying to get guardianship, the attorney stopped talking to me as soon as he saw that my mother passed the capacity tests. The case is still technically open but no need to take it up again because no one is able to help.

Quilting brings calm

Sometimes the only option is to wait for the inevitable crisis.. You’ve done what you can until that occurs and medical personnel agree she’s incapacitated.

in the meantime, you can start researching facilities so that you have a few in mind when that crisis occurs. You can start figuring out what changes you will need to make in your life for that time.

SL001

Yes, I have done that, since the guardianship didn't go through, she has had a car repossessed and gotten into significant debt, her credit is now very low as she is not on time with her bills. I just saw this article on NPR last week https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2023/05/12/1175141042/as-some-families-learn-the-hard-way-dementia-can-take-a-toll-on-financial-health. and I think it describes my mother's case. I don't want my mother to lose her home, but without a POA or guardianship what am I to do. Does anyone know of any free outreach. My mother is in FL and I have tried the area council on aging in her area and they cannot do anything without her consent.

GothicGremlin

Is the attorney you saw a certified elder law attorney? I'm assuming 'yes', but I thought I'd ask 'just in case'. They're specialists in this field and you may have better luck with one. When did you last try for guardianship? I ask because you said 'technically it's still open', which to me implies some time has gone by since you tried last.

As for free outreach, have you tried calling the hotline from the Alzheimer's Association? They may have some suggestions.

BadMoonRising

"since the guardianship didn't go through, she has had a car repossessed and gotten into significant debt, her credit is now very low as she is not on time with her bills."

And how do you know this?