Am I losing it?

toolbeltexpert

I wonder if I am going slowing into this world of forgetting. Last night I went to the Christmas program, mainly because I do the sound system. Yesterday seemed like a blur couldn't tell you what the preacher said.well I brought gifts for all the folks my dw always gave to. It was her towels that she had made,she had hundreds made so no shortage of gifts. Any way I got a card and left it in the pew, got home and left my keys in the door, didn't shut the damper on the stove so it burned up a load of wood. 

I have to wonder am I losing it? So this morning I made a list of things to get done before the real cold hits. Gotta clean the chimney cap, close the vents for the crawl space, put diesel fuel conditioner in both the tractors. Well I figured I could close the vents b4 I left to visit my dw, that's when I found my keys in the door, I left early to go to the church and pick up the card, then I was treated to another spectacular sunrise, my ride to the mcf is 30miles but most of it is going due east into the sunrise, so I listen to preachers and praise music and praised God, now I am ready to help my dw start her day. I need to get filled b4 I get there, today I had church in the car. I just want to say almost every single day I start my day in prayer,usually an hour and I pray for the staff at mcf. I pray for all of you and that is a long list. I am comforted that God cares for us all and want to hear our thanks and our concerns. 

I may not have meet anyone of you in person but each one of you has helped me get this far in the big d road. I thank God for what he does for each one of you.

Well dw has to go to the bathroom and I will wash her feet and change her clothing so I just wanted to say Thanks to everyone here.

BethL

You're such a kind, caring person! May God bless you and your beloved.

Quilting brings calm

I think you are over stressed and maybe a little depressed/emotional about Christmas.  Especially with the changes from last year to this year.   I wouldn’t read anything more into it than that.  I think you should start forgoing the visits to your wife at least one day a week for the winter.   Pick  a day that the MC has activities that she enjoys and that will keep her amused.  Sleep in, get some some stuff done around the house and drop  by the church for a visit with the pastor.   I think you will find it helps.  Making lists never hurts either

ghphotog

Thank you for the post. Probably just stress. I do similar things. I probably would send out red flags and fail a simple memory test but I'm sure it's just the never ending stress and brain fog I find myself in sometimes.

I used to be a strong Christian and believed in prayer but now I don't know where God is or who he is anymore. I pray every day for help and strength and I know he does help but my faith is a little worn down. I don't live the christian life much or maybe just all of my false piety, pretense, self righteousness and false expectations about God has been purged away IDK.

toolbeltexpert

Ed I want to say thanks to you I can post pictures and this was my view on my drive.

MaryG123

Beautiful TBE!  I’m guessing you’re worn out, and need to rest a bit more.  Be as kind to yourself as you are to others.

Ed1937

Stewart, that is really a nice pic! If you are anywhere near  People's Bank in Manchester, TN, pick up one of their new calendars. All of the photos belonged to my oldest son. They're really nice.

I also wonder if I'm losing it a little. Don't know if it's stress related, but that's a good possibility. Many caregivers probably wonder about their own capabilities. Maybe it's because we're so in tune with the deficits of our LOs? Hoping that's the case. We're blessed to have you on the forum.

jfkoc

Lists are so helpful. I must remember to put "make list" on my to do list...lol

Hoot619

Toolbelt, Thanks for all your prayers for all.  I know if you forget that winter stuff for your tractors they will let you know about.  Memory problems you just joined the club.   With Christmas season here you are doing a lot more than usual. I hope you are getting enough rest.       You are always thinking and doing for others.  Just hope you include yourself also.

Before I forget I wish you a good Christmas . The kids had their Christmas program Sunday and I really enjoyed it. The youngest one didn't want to join it til almost the end , He was 1 of the ones bringing gifts but he finally did it. But when the kids passed out little candy canes he made sure we all got one.

Buggsroo

I often do little things that can blow up in my face. When that happens, I realize I have to slow down, write out a list, get some rest and then tackle it when I am more lucid. I used to attend adult children of alcoholics meetings, there was an expression that I really hung onto and still do. We are perfectly imperfect. I always loved that. I find when I get stressed, I recite the serenity prayer as well. Honestly, you are doing everything you can, cut yourself some slack.

Just Bill

I am sure there is a name for this condition but a lot of people that are overwhelmed get it. It is usually an autopilot task like locking the front door or making sure an appliance is turned off before you leave. Since being overwhelmed leads to zoning out while doing autopilot tasks I find myself asking after I have left: Did I lock the front door ? Did I turn off the stove ? It got so bad for me whenever I do an autopilot task I stop acknowledge the task has been done and hear Spock's voice say "Remember". Otherwise I will drive all the way home to find I did lock the door. It happens when I golf too, half way through the first hole. Did I close the car door and lock it ? Same procedure stop, watch myself lock the door, hear Spock say "Remember" and I am good.

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