Despite the grief....

Judi57

I have found a few things....

1.  I haven't done a load of laundry since Tuesday.

2.  I have less dishes to wash.

3.  I discovered that there were other shows besides Gunsmoke, MASH, and A-Team.

I'm not making light of my or anyone's grief for it is very real, it was just thoughts that ran through my mind.

Judi

sandwichone123

I read an article quite recently about the emotion people do not acknowledge while grieving: relief. The author's parent had been having health problems for a long time before dying and the caregiving stage was difficult for all involved.

I'm glad you have some solid upsides despite the clear loss.

ghphotog

Understand completely your not making light but observing things that are different. I sometimes make light of very emotional situations, sometimes even laugh even. But that doesn't mean I'm nonchalant about anything. Just a defense mechanism. 

Honestly, I hope to be making the same observations someday and I hope that doesn't sound like I don't care.  Just been a long haul so far and some days wish this "journey" was nearing it's end. Whatever the end means. 

We know you have loved, supported and were a caregiver for a long time to your LO.

Quilting brings calm

The grief of a caregiver  for a spouse with a long decline before death is different than that of a person  who loses their spouse unexpectedly.  You’ve been grieving for a long time, while also being  mentally, physically, and emotionally worn to a frazzle.  An unexpected death is at the beginning while  you are towards the end of the grieving process.   It’s okay to recognize that things are different and that there is some relief to the end of stage 7 and the beginning of stage 8.  That doesn’t erase however long you and your spouse were a couple

Janco

Judi, I am fairly new to the Board, but please allow me to offer my condolences.  From others' comments, you were an incredibly loving and capable caretaker for your late husband.  His memory (especially of earlier days) will be an eternal blessing for you.

Jgirl57

Sorry for your loss; grief and relief will be

your new normal for awhile I would imagine.

Hope you are able to rest. 

Ed1937

I'm with Jgirl. At least that's the way it is for me. The day after tomorrow will be 6 months since I lost my wife. Life is very different now, but the grief comes in waves. My wife died unexpectedly, not from dementia. She was probably stage 6.

Belldream

Judi, my deepest sympathies go out to you. I can only imagine the combination of feelings you are experiencing right now. I do know that inevitably my day will come as well. Thank you for the reminder of life's little treasures. In the grand scheme of things, those are the only memories that matter. May you find peace.

Beachfan

sandwichone123 wrote:

I read an article quite recently about the emotion people do not acknowledge while grieving: relief. 

I agree, but prefer to label that emotion “release”.  Your life has changed drastically.  You are no longer obligated to attend to certain tasks and are free to do things that please and complete you.  Any way you look at it, it’s a significant shift in your lifestyle, for better or for worse.  It doesn’t change the way you loved and cared for your DH; that remains a constant.  I wish you peace going forward.