Jmlarue(2)

Joydean

You have been on my mind a lot lately and was wondering how you are doing. Hope you finally got VA to help with your dh and that you are taking care of yourself. I have been off for a couple of months myself because dh has been progressing. Just wanted you to know you are missed.

M1

Agree joydean, thanks for starting the thread. Thinking about both of you.

Joydean

Thanks M1, that means a lot to me!  So hope Jmlarue is okay!

Gig Harbor

I have also wondered how she is doing. I hope her husband was able to be placed in a good facility and that she is doing well.

Ed1937

When you've become part of our community, it's hard to be away for any length of time without that being noticed. I hope things are working out well for her and her husband.

toolbeltexpert

For the last week or so Jmlarue has been on my mind in my prayers. I had read the last post she put on. I read the meme and will post it here. I had not realized it had been 32 days though. Thanks joydean. 

toolbeltexpert

Ttt I sent a email hoping for a reply

Ed1937

Thanks Stewart. If you get a reply, please let us know.

Joydean

Steward I sent her a private message same day I started this thread but haven’t heard anything. I am concerned because she had mentioned she is a diabetic and had just been put on blood pressure medication because of all the stress. I do hope and pray she is okay! 

jmlarue

Thank you all for missing me and reaching out.

Sad to say, my DH passed away on Dec. 9 at the VA Hospital in Seattle. He'd been in the Psych Unit for nearly 4 months. He had been treated with Seroquel and then Haldol to moderate his paranoia and hallucinations that made him difficult to care for safely at home. Without warning, he suffered a bad reaction to the anti-psychotic drugs - a condition called "Neuroleptic Malignancy Syndrome," NMS for short. Google the term for an overview. I was told it is a significant risk for elderly dementia patients - hence the "black box" warnings on many of those drugs. 

Quite literally, overnight, Bob lost the ability to move, spiked a fever, had difficulty swallowing, high heart rate and blood pressure, and pneumonia-like breathing issues. Initially, the doctors suspected severe respiratory infection even though he tested negative for Covid. They transferred DH to ICU and got my permission to start IV antibiotics. I agreed, but after reviewing the list of serious side effects of the Haldol and seeing that Bob's symptoms ticked a lot of those boxes, I also insisted that it be discontinued immediately. The antibiotics had little effect over the next week and the doctors agreed on the more likely diagnosis of NMS. Over 3 weeks time, Bob spent most of his time asleep. On the few occasions he opened his eyes, he would accept a few bites of soft food and a sip or two of water, but certainly not enough to sustain him. I asked that he be placed on Hospice care during that time. I will say that the hospital staff was attentive and compassionate and the doctors were good about calling me every day with updates, since I am so distant from the hospital and could not remain at his bedside.

On the morning of Dec.9, he became unresponsive and exhibited serious breathing issues. The doctors suggested that death was imminent. My eldest son was able leave his work and accompany me to stay with his Dad to the end. He died later that evening. 

Tears were shed, of course, but in the end it wasn't an inconsolable grief that I felt. Rather, it was relief and gratitude that his struggle was finally over. Maybe that is the consolation prize at the end of the "long goodbye." I had been losing my husband over 6 years time and I think I had run the  gamut of the various stages of grief along the way. I was prepared to let him go when his time came. Bob was my best friend and the love of my life for 54 years. He gave me two fine sons and a lifetime of great memories. I know I will be OK.

Family and friends will hold a memorial service for him on January 28, 2023 and he will be buried with military honors.

I am grateful to everyone on this forum who was quick to offer advice, reassurance, and commiseration during this long and difficult journey. Truly, I don't know how I could have coped without you. From the bottom of my heart - I thank you.

Jean LaRue

harshedbuzz

I am sorry for the loss of your dear husband.

HB

Quilting brings calm

I’m sorry for your loss.   I’m also sorry that the drugs that were needed to help him also hurt him.

Ed1937

It's good to hear from you, but I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like you are grieving in the best way possible. I wish strength in the coming days for the family and LOs.

ImMaggieMae

I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and your family.

Joydean

Jean I’m sorry for all you have gone through and the loss of your husband. I truly hope you are taking care of yourself now. Glad to hear the doctors and nurses were helpful in the end. Prayers for peace for you and your family!  Just let us know once in awhile how you are doing if and when you feel up to it. Thank you so much for letting us know about your husband. Don’t forget you are still a member of this family of caregivers! Peace for you!

MaryG123

I’m sorry for your loss Jmlarue, and hope you will soon find peace, knowing that you were there for him throughout the struggle.  I greatly admire your tough loving spirit!

Marie58

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you have family nearby. Blessings for peace and strength during this time.

White Crane

Jean, I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear husband.  Please take good care of yourself in the coming days.  Know that you are in my prayers.

Brenda

Mint

Jean I’m very sorry for your loss of your DH.

M1

Thank you for the update, am relieved to hear from you--though I too am sorry.  I think you did everything you possibly could.

toolbeltexpert

Jean I am so sorry for your loss, I am glad you were with him. My prayers will continue for you. You are a precious caregiver. Stop in if you can. We are still here for you.

Stewart

JoseyWales

Jean, my condolences on the loss of your husband. You were his partner for a long time. May you treasure your memories of the time with him.

Buggsroo

Jean, I am so sorry for your loss. I wish you peace and healing in the time ahead.