Should I seek professional help?

ghphotog

About once a year or so I fall off the crazy train.

After day in and day out of trying to live in my wife's ever shrinking world, taking care of her both physically and emotionally from the moment she wakes up at 4am until it's time for bed. Her never giving me any space and shadowing me all day long. Always trying to either console her or racking my brain to try to interpret what she's trying to say. Taking care of my elderly mother who doesn't understand the world I live in.

Well, the rails came off last night and now I have holes in the wall to repair. I feel so awful but these things build up and I finally break for a few moments. Happens once a year or so like this. Don't worry, it's always inanimate objects I take my frustrations out on.

My question, would therapy or counseling help me, am I normal? Or should I be worried I'm not normal for blowing up on occasion?

Ed1937

I think it's perfectly normal to lose it at times. You've been on this road for a long time, and you're a human being. That being said, I do think therapists can be quite helpful. But it's not always easy to find the right fit. I'm sorry it's so hard.

toolbeltexpert

Ghphotog your not alone I get to that point and just before I punch a wall I remember I am gonna have to fix it. I go someplace and let it rip, I don't have any close nieghbors or they might have called the law. I post more when I need to I find it helps more than anything, just writing it out, even if I just delete it.

Quilting brings calm

I agree- therapy would be helpful if you can arrange care for  your loved ones and actually get to the therapist.  As would getting some time to yourself to do anything.  The stress of this time of year doesn’t help( cold, snow, all the ‘happy and merry’ Christmas ads, movies, etc).  It just reinforces the ways your ( our) lives have changed and will continue to change.  A lot of people without LO with dementia get stressed out this month. 

I would  also suggest you try to arrange for respite in January for both of them at the same time.  A few days without being 24/7 responsible for them could help. 

Maybe a punching bag instead of the wall too? 

abc123

Dear ghphotog,

You are normal. The same type of thing happens to me. The most recent, I took my anger out on a gate. I am looking for a counselor/therapist now. As Ed mentioned, finding the right fit can be an issue. I'm sorry that you are in this caregiving nightmare. No matter how much we love our PWD this is still a nightmare. Please try to remember you are only human, you are only one person. I hope you will have peace and joy today. Even if just for a moment. 

ghphotog

Thank you everyone!

Just Bill

Stress is 100% normal. You need to release the pressure every day, not every year. It's like forest fires. Many small controlled burns are better than a giant out of control wild fire. A heavy bag is good but what might be better is "Bob". Bob is a realistic rubber tough guy that sits on a weighted round bottom. You hit him and he bobs, hence the name. Put Bob in a room or outside so you can step away for a second for a jab, jab, left hook, right cross on Bob and you will be surprised how good you will feel. Or you can apologize to the wall who was innocent in the whole thing as you fix it. That is why Bob is there. He wants you to beat him up. You have a reason. You will both be happier in the long run.

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Marta

Love Bob!

Counselors are available online everywhere since the pandemic. 

I tried counseling but found that I spent most of the slotted time explaining what it was like to live with someone with dementia. Unless the counselor has firsthand experience with dementia, they just have no idea, much like the general public. 

Bob seems like excellent therapy. 

mrahope

I have been speaking with a therapist for some time.  It is by an online secure connection.  I am very lucky that this person is a bit older and has had many clients caring for PWDs.  I only speak with her for about an hour every two weeks, but find it good to be able just "tell someone" even if I don't expect change to happen.  That said, there are times I just want to shout at my DH to just "leave me be".    It's not anger, so much as constant irritation with me, like nails on a chalkboard over and over again.    I also keep a journal, which helps in between times.

PookieBlue

ghphotog,

May The Lord bless and comfort you and give you strength to move pass each challenge.

We can all relate to what you are saying. I think you need to let it all out more than once a year. I often feel like I will just explode with anger, like my whole being could just splatter all over the room. My poor sweet DH just drives me crazy. To top off all the PWD stress, one of our 35 foot tall cedar trees uprooted in the wind yesterday. Then the furnace stopped because of icing up and getting blocked. I took a hair drier to it and nearly froze myself doing it. I got frostbite when I was 14 so I do not tolerate icy cold at all. I never did get it thawed out enough for the furnace to start again. So much of the time my DH is hovering over me. I love him, but I’m suffocating. I need to direct his every move, just about. Anytime the puppy whimpers, and it is annoying, but DH always has to ask what’s wrong with puppy adding to the annoyance. Watching your LO decline steadily year after year and knowing its going to get worse, and that. when you reach your wit’s end it’s going to get much, much worse. I keep wondering if I am struggling with numerous small annoyances now, how will I handle the bigger challenges that will inevitably come. Now I need to take a deep breath, listen to Yanni Radio Station, put more space heaters around, find someone to remove the huge fallen tree, smile and get on with my day. Maybe counseling would help. It sounds as if it helps some people.