Punished for Grieving

riajean

And so it's Christmas and I'm alone.  Totally, alone.  My son who lives 1.5 miles from my house refuses to spend any time with me because my sadness is palatable.  Though our conversations don't evolve around his father, that he's bed bound in hospice care, my son is sensitive and my feelings are profound at the loss of a dear man, life partner, husband, friend and so much more.  I'm only 66 and have been dealing with my husband's Alz for more than 8 years (since MCI diagnosis).  I've come to a place where it's difficult to have friends over because my grief is deep and real and it causes me to be someone other than I want to be or choose to be, but it's not something I can control.  So now, I'm being punished for grieving.  I get to sit alone. no one, nothing on Christmas.  There's no way to express my despair.  This is the worst, lowest, slap in the face...........ever.  How will I live through this day?

MaryG123

I’m so sorry riajean.  I wish I could give you this hug in person.  (()). I suppose your son is grieving in his own way too.  It will be a very hard day for you.

Marie58

riajean, I'm sorry it's so hard for you. You're not alone in this, we all care about you. We all understand and feel the same pain and isolation. I pray we all have the strength we need for today.

toolbeltexpert

Riajean you are not aline we are here for you, sending you hugs that heal.  Sometimes I wished everyone was close, but this is the best we can get. I am at memory care and dw didn't recognize my for about 10 minutes then I came back to her. Being home alone is no fun. I had several invites but I don't want to dampen somebody else's day. So I will probably just stay home when I leave mc.

Stewart

Buggsroo

This is really hard. I am alone today, though my husband is here but not here. He has regressed so much, he speaks gibberish. I awoke at four in the morning to him yelling and screaming downstairs. Just said to myself: not my circus not my monkeys. 

Yes grief is palpable and most people have a problem with us and our sadness. I  can really commiserate with you. In time the sadness will quieter down and you will start to get your mojo back. It takes time and give yourself that time. Find something on TV, read or eat something nice, remember, it will be back to normal tomorrow.

toolbeltexpert

Thanks buggs I know it's not funny but you always put a humorous spin on it. And that's good advice. I made a Mac and cheese on Friday my favorite comfort food, that's my supper for the next week.

Stewart

Lorita

Riajean, we're all alone in one way or another, whether our loved one is still here and we're dealing with caregiving and what is happening or that we've lost our loved one.

The others are right - you're not alone as long as you're on this forum.  There will always be someone here when you need to talk.  I've been alone on all holidays for seven years - lost my husband eight years ago next month.  Did have one of my nieces here on Thanksgiving and the other one on Christmas - that one year.  

I can't say it gets easier - some days are better than others but there's always that emptiness.  I've found that if I keep myself busy I do much better.  If I'm in the house it's worse - I have to get outside in nature.

I hope you can find something today to make you feel a little better.

Ed1937

Riajean, I know it hurts, and I'm sorry for that. I wish there were some way I could help the pain for you. But you know you have friends here, and we'll try to prop you up. The new year will be kinder.

Judi57

I'm right there with you.  With my DH just passing, I'm alone.  His sister invited me to her home, but I couldn't see myself enjoying the day with screaming children, smoking, and drinking. 

Hugs to you, and may tomorrow bring a brighter day.

Iris L.

I'm different, I look forward to being alone today.  I want to celebrate Christmas Day my own way.  I cannot tolerate commotion, I crave peace.

Iris

Dio

Riajean, we are here, with you, even if not physically next to you...hugs and hoping that you can vent or just "chat" here. Christmas is just a day in the calendar. If we want to, we can celebrate it all year-round. As my husband (even now in moments of lucidity) and I have always tried to practice "everyday is Valentine's Day," it need not be on 2/14 that we send flowers or celebrate our love.

A new day is dawning just around the corner. And in my humble belief, an Aquarius Age is coming in 2024 when the energy will return to some sort of peace, retrospection, introspection, and lead to human connections again. Conflicts will soon take a backseat. We should start feeling a slight upward trend next year leading into 2024.

As Scarlet O'Hara would say, "After all, tomorrow is another day!" So chin up, my dear! Tomorrow is coming.

Joydean

Riajean, as so many others have said, we are here for you, it would be nice to give hugs in person but that’s not possible so we send them to you the only way we can.  Did you notice, from the time you posted nearly ever hour someone has responded to you!  I had just noticed that myself. So dear friend it may not be the inperson visit but we are here for you!   

I’m sorry your son can’t come see you but maybe he’s dealing with the pain in his own way. Only he and God know the answer. 

Tomorrow, tomorrow is a brand new day! Try watching a funny movie and snack on what ever you choose!!

Crushed

I took DW her Christmas present  at memory care.  A bright red wheelchair since she can no longer walk safely.  My daughters came with me. DW has no idea who we are or even that we are there 
My daughters knowthat 50  years ago today I asked her to marry me.  She was 20 a genius and a beauty.  But she said yes,.


I've been grieving for years.  
You have my total sympathy

riajean

Longest day of my life............but thank you everyone.  The intention was to spend the day with my DH, however, due to the blizzard there was a driving ban - for days. My DH is over an hour away.  So, that made it worse.  Looking forward to warmer weather this week and the freedom to be with him again.  Again, so sweet to read your comments.  MOST appreciated.

PookieBlue

Riajean

 I've come to a place where it's difficult to have friends over because my grief is deep and real and it causes me to be someone other than I want to be or choose to be, but it's not something I can control. 

We can all empathize with this statement. So many days I just know I am not fit for human companionship. My mind is in a really dark place and the tears can not be controlled. I dread it if I’ve agreed to a visitor. I dread it every time. I just don’t feel like putting on the fake happy face and acting like I am not drowning in the world of dementia. Then I make myself follow through with my convictions. Most times, the visits are a good distraction and I semi get over the darkness. It then gets me through another day, and hopefully the next day will be better. Hugs to you. This large forum is here to listen and to care.