7 months on Christmas Eve

Kay82

I have been here in my mother's home 7 months straight as of Christmas Eve. I was getting out for a few hours a few days a week this past summer & fall until the big blow up on Halloween.  I had planned to go away for 3days/2 nights the first week of November.  My sister, who is retired, was supposed to cover for me backed out at the last minute b/c she just didn't want to do it. I have 2 brothers, they are both still working.

Last night after Christmas dinner I took my sister aside w/my brother, who is the financial POA, and told her I NEED to get away for 3 days/2 nights. She just stared at me. She then said her granddaughter, who has 3 children under the age of 5, needs her as she is the only person her granddaughter can count on. My brother's wife asked her what her granddaughter did when she took her trip to FL.  She had no answer for that.  My brother, mature, problem solving adult that he is said I suppose I could do it. My sister walked away. His wife stood squarely in front of him & said, 'you just let her off the hook'.

I did call my brother & wife after they were home to tell him how much I admire him & his giving heart. I told him when our mother passes whoever calls our sister to advise her of the services ask if she has time in her schedule.  

Ok rant over. Thank you all for the support.

UPDATE - After much thought I have decided I don't want my sister here overnight,  I will speak to my brother about hiring someone. 

Honestly I don't know what stage my mom is at. She dresses herself,  takes care of her personal hygiene, walks w/a walker yet just sits in her rocker most of the day staring or sleeping.  She did want to give away the Christmas gifts my daughter gave her the night before, on Christmas day when my siblings were visiting.  She said she did not know where they came from & she didn't want them. 

M1

How frustrating Kay.  I would plan your trip, tell your brother your plans and dates, and let him decide whether he's going to do it or hire someone.  Either way, let them handle it.  Will take guts on your part, but it would show them you do have limits.....

Quilting brings calm

You and your brothers need to have a frank discussion about how long you can really do this 24/7 caregiving thing, since they aren’t able to help you and your sister won’t.  Leave your sister out of it/ she gets no say  in the matter.  Since your brother has financial POA, he needs to get your moms finances understood and explain  to you all how long she can afford to live in an AL or NC before she would need to go on Medicaid.  He also needsto have a Plan B for when you can’t do this anymore and for your breaks.  Which should come a lot more often than every 7 months.   

I don’t know what stage or severity your mom is in, but this can go on for over a decade, 

Ed1937

Kay, I'm sorry you found yourself with this problem. But I'm glad you told your brother how much you appreciate him.

Kay82 wrote:

I told him when our mother passes whoever calls our sister to advise her of the services ask if she has time in her schedule.  

It's not hard to understand why you would feel that way. But maybe you should ask yourself if that would be something you would be sorry for later in life.

I agree that you will need time for yourself on a regular basis, and that's something you should discuss with your brother, since he seems willing to help.