Memory Care guidance/tips

BooBoo2

My DW has been placed (on Dec. 16th) into a memory care only facility & I’m going thru the ups & downs of that decision. I know she is safe & being well cared for by the staff. I took her out for the 1st time on Christmas Day & she had a great day seeing family & getting some gifts. The return went smoothly until it time for me to leave & this didn’t go well. She kept saying take me home! This was part of the issue to place her into MC after the hospital & doctors did not recommend her coming back home. She doesn’t know me & the house we live in was not her home. I’ve been advised to not bring her to our house. I’m looking for guidance/tips on our returning to the MC - what can I do - it’s so painful to see her crying & begging me not to leave. This disease is so painful & frustrating to deal with. We’ve been on the journey for over 6 1/2 years.

M1

BooBoo, I have not taken my partner out of the locked MC doors since she arrived there in April, I was advised not to.  She has been on two outings with the group (one to a museum, and one to a restaurant for lunch) with caregivers who were able to supervise and get her back into the building.  In addition there have been two dinners (Thanksgiving and Christmas) in the dining room of the building; when escorted there she wondered out loud where she was and obviously didn't recognize the surroundings.  Visits home would be completely out of the question.

Ed1937

Booboo, it's possible that you might have to contact the MC to help get her back in there. That's a hard thing to witness, but may be the best way to do it. I think M1 has it right. His partner only goes out with MC activities.

loveskitties

When you are ready to leave it might help to have a staff member to distract her by taking her to an activity or another space in the facility...or you might try to excuse yourself "temporarily" with a fiblet, and just not return.

Joe C.

BooBoo, As suggested in the post above, I never tell DW I’m leaving. I use some excuse like, I need to use the bathroom, I need to check on the dog or I need to get back to work (I’ve Been retired for 8 years). She always excepts my fiblets.

Elshack

My DH has been in memory care since mid August. They advised me not to take him back to our apartment under any circumstances. He hasn't asked to come home and I have not taken him anywhere. The few Dr appts he has had, MC drove him to and from and I met them at the Dr's office.

toolbeltexpert

Boo boo I have only taken my dw out 1 time it went OK. I would never bring her home ever. Many days I get there to visit and she is crying saying she can't do this anymore and almost always I do not tell her I am leaving, like Joe c I use everyone of his fibs. 

Yep leaving tears me up everytime, death by departure.

Stewart

toni2

The last year of my DH's life every night he would say please take me home now and he was at home but didn't know it. The last 3 months he was in NH and every time I would go to leave or when the children would visit him, he would say take me home. He wasn't remembering our home he wanted to go to his childhood home with his mom and gram. It is very hard on the family, but we knew he was where he needed to be. That kind of love can be very hard on the family. We soon realized when we couldn't say goodby because of what it did to him so we just left when he was being taken care of by the staff. He didn't even miss us when we were gone. 

This journey is hard. I pray for comfort for all the caregivers.

Toni