A post from Tammie Jo

Ed1937

I copied Tammie Jo's post from another thread so she might get more answers. Tammie Jo, you might not receive any replies tonight. The forum usually has little traffic around this time. Check back later in the morning.

I’m wondering if anyone can talk with me about the realities of early onset Alzheimer’s. My 54 year old best friend has just received her diagnosis a couple of months ago. We’ve seen it for nearly 3 years. I live in Montana she lives in Massachusetts. It’s very difficult to be there for her. I’m visiting every other year. I simply can’t afford more visits. She is an intellectual so it’s incredibly difficult watching this happen. I’m not quite sure what to do to be the best friend I can be so far away. And selfishly she was my go to to talk about things like this in my life. I can’t add to her already stressful situation.  I don’t know what to do or who to talk to.

Crushed

My lovely wife started showing symptoms in 2009  at the age of 57.   One key is social security disability.  You get it  automatically with an Alzheimer's diagnosis
 
 https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/financial-legal-planning/social-security-disability

  https://secure.ssa.gov/apps10/poms.nsf/lnx/0423022385

  

toolbeltexpert

Tammi jo welcome to the forum

First let me say you are a really great friend for your friend. Your ability to care for someone at a distance is really difficult, I have no experience with long distance care, it maybe easier after some local care system can be set up where you can check in. You didn't mention if your friend had any family that were close or not and she is still able to understand that maybe somethingthing maybe going on? Being the best friend put you maybe at an advantage,it sounds like you are both really close.  I wouldn't push an issue if it not a agreeable, she may not be able to see her decline and if that's the case she might have Anosognosia which means she isn't in denial, in her mind nothing is wrong and you can't change their minds.

I can say that what I had to do was place my dw because behaviours and now she is in a mcf.  So here is what I did to help facilitate, long distance  care I set up my dw's sister, she can care for my wife in the event something was to happen to me. My dw's sister who happens to live in Massachusetts is the second on our dpoa and she would be able to make any decisions, including selling our property. I have copies of all my autopay accounts and all my social  media PW's including this site copied and in a safe she has the code too. She has visited once since my dw was placed. She has been to the facility several times so the staff could meet her, of course her main reason was to see her sister. She cried the first time we left, I told her that happens alot for me.

Yes Tammie it is very hard to see each loss from a very talented person turn to basically a toddler. I am so sorry. Feel free to come and vent, ask any question, someone here will eventually chime in. This site has helped navigate the medical system "thats another post," legal issues like seeing a cela " certified elder  law attorney" I got a dpoa 4 years or so ago, after reading others posts. That was done while things were real easy.

I hope you can help her figure out some strategies.

Stewart

Dio

Tammie Jo, if your friend is in the early stages, then she may still be able to recognize and talk to you. Perhaps, try Face-time, instead of just a phone call, so that you may see each other and talk about the good ol' days. Any memorable moments to rekindle, especially happy times and/or incidents when you shared some roaring laughter? My DH has LBD, so while his short-term memory is scattered, his long-term memory is still impeccable. He can recite all the European cities we've visited and even which airlines we took. He just can't remember what year(s).

HollyBerry

TTammieJo, I think if I asked my partner (I didn't), she would say the best thing you can do is treat her like your best friend, talk to her like you always have, let her give you advice and share your joys and struggles and let her contribute something.  My partners greatest frustration is feeling worthless and not needed. Show your friend you still need and value her.