Aide Recording FIL

Malka

Hi,

My FIL, 92, has a live in. She lives in with him. She is okay when she is there, but never comes back on time after she is off. This creates some problems, to say the least.

But the bigger issue, I think (I am only the DIL), is that she is recording him on her cell phone. She send my husband a video of him coming down the steps in his house with her telling him not to, but not helping him. Also when he becomes argumentative (he just started on Serequel).

I think this is a HUGE privacy issue. Who else is she showing these recordings to?

Am I wrong?

Thanks,

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Quilting brings calm

It’s a common tip on these forums to record your loved one’s behavior so you can show the doctor. Could it be that the aide has been trying to discuss your FIL’s behavior with your husband and feels your husband either isn’t listening to her or doesn’t believe her? Have you asked her why she’s recording?

harshedbuzz

Malka-

I don't love the idea of making videos of PWD exhibiting their worst behaviors. But I have absolutely done it myself. It can be hard to express the frequency, intensity and duration of a behavior using words. Especially if the person on the receiving end is disinterested, in denial or finds the information conflicts with what they are seeing. I had to make videos of my dad raging and threatening me because he showtimed so well at his geripsych's office to the degree that requests for medication increases painted me as a person who wanted to sedate dad in order not to have to deal with him. The video made all the difference to dad's care. 

That said, the late return is unprofessional. I wonder if your caregiver is quiet quitting as your FIL becomes harder to handle. She could likely find an easier gig elsewhere. If you haven't gotten your Plan B shovel-ready, I would do so asap. 

HB

CanyonGal

Maybe you can have a tablet or extra phone at the home for recording purposes - without internet connectivity? This removes the phone privacy issue but still allows the caregiver to share behavior issues.