Hospice? Is it time?

samkat

Hi all. In need of advice. My Mom is 87 years old. She has had dementia for about 6 years. In October, my Dad had a UTI and was admitted to the hospital. I think he may have had another stroke while he was there. He was sent to hospice and passed away on November 2, 2022. My Mom stayed with us for about a week, that is when I realized how bad the dementia had gotten. It seemed Daddy was picking up a lot of the slack where she was concerned. I had to go back to work so I moved Mom into AL 3 days before Daddy passed away. We haven't told her he is gone. After a week and a half in AL she fell, went to the ER, 2 stitches in the back of her head but they found she had bilateral pneumonia which resulted in a 5 day hospital stay. Went back to AL,a couple of weeks later she fell again and broke her hip. Surgery to replace the hip was successful and the next day the hospital had her up moving a little. Hospital did not tell me she had the beginnings of a bed sore. AL advised me of bed sore and home health was treating the sore and providing physical therapy. After about a week AL told me she needed to go to the ER, the bedsore was infected and needed to be debrided. Took Mom back to ER (3rd visit in less than a month) she had surgery to debride the wound. Was told by the doctors that the infection had spread to the bone and that it was doubtful it would ever heal. After 11 days in the hospital she was moved to a SNF for 6 weeks of IV antibiotics, a wound vac and physical therapy. The last doctor that saw her at the hospital told me that after 2 to 3 weeks we would know if the wound was healing. He said if not, he would recommend that I consider hospice.

I am an only child, so this decision is solely on my shoulders. I love my Mom and don't want to lose her, but I don't want her to suffer. PT has not been able to get her to cooperate for therapy since the surgery. She doesn't know where she is at or why she is there. She just says that "these people take good care of me".

I guess what I am asking is how do you know when it is time.

terei

IME the ‘time’ for hospice is as soon as they will accept your LO into the program.   You do not have to make the decision.   Call them in for an evaluation + they will tell you whether it is ‘time’ or not.

Everyone reading this, please understand that waiting to call in hospice when your LO is actively dying is NOT the purpose of hospice at all.     They will help the family + the patient long before that with mental + physical support that is invaluable.    Please, please please, if your LO is declining + you need help, it hurts no one to have your LO evaluated.

jfkoc

My opinion is that it is always time for possible Hospice. I suggest you interview several and then have an evaluation done.

A good Hospice will benefit not only your mother but you too.

SunnyMae

Samkat - agree that a hospice eval is needed. Hospice is about providing improved *quality* of life. It is not giving up....it is accessing a valuable resource for both your mom and you. Another option might be to look into palliative care as a stepping stone to hospice.