Advice and Help Appreciated

Relgre

My father has been diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment for several years now and we have noticed it getting worse and worse especially within the past month.  He has a neurologist and is going in soon for another MRI to see why things changed so quickly. Over Thanksgiving this year things really took a turn for the worse.  Normally he is a pretty calm person, always wanting to help my mom around the house. However recently he goes into these episodes where he doesn't recognize his family members and wants to go home. He becomes very agitated and hostile.  I live over 5 hours from my parents and my brother is closer but can't get there very quickly when these episodes happen.  I'm really more concerned for my mother right now and how I can assist her from a distance.  I'm thinking that we may need to find a new community for dad, and we are not wealthy but not poor (that gray area where you don't qualify for a lot of services)  and cost is a real concern.  Can anyone advise me on steps to take on how to begin looking for a community for dad?

Thanks so much.

M1

Welcome to the forum, though sorry that you find yourself in this position. Find a certified elder law attorney- look at nelf.org- who can help you and your mom make a financial plan that will protect het assets as much as possible but also allow a spending plan that would qualify him for long term Medicaid. Rules differ by state so it's worth it to get the advice. Then you can also investigate homes or memory care facilities in your area including which accept Medicaid payment.

Sounds like you are right to be worried about your moms safety.  I would call the neurologist tomorrow to see if s/he can prescribe something for agitation and delusions. Good luck-im sure others will chime in.

Rick4407

Hello Relgre.  I'll jump in with a little general information, others will probably follow.  Generally MCI is an initial short term sort of diagnosis.  It sounds like he is a little further along than that now.  Delusions and agitation are also fairly common.  

You don't mention their specific living situation. Does he have other issues?  How is your mom doing as a caretaker?   How is her health?  Usually people use various drugs to control the difficult behaviors and placement in a "new community" is sort jumping to most peoples last chapter.  

The specifics of your question can best be answered by competent local legal authority.  A CELA  (Certified Elder Law Attorney) is who you might want to look for.  Each state has different laws, some are much more liberal with assistance than others.  The CELA should be able to provide guidance on qualifying. That CELA will be able to also establish a DPOA (durable power of attorney) for the most directly involved caretaker.   That is more complicated that a traditional POA. 

Lastly his Neurologist should be able to provide various anti-delusional meds that will help control his behaviors.   Good Luck, Rick

Relgre

Thanks so much for the reply, Rick.  To answer some of the questions that you posted.  My mom's health is generally good, but as you can imagine she is under extreme stress right now and very anxious.  As a result her patience with him can be less than perfect.  They live in a single family home that they have lived in for the past 52 years.  He is in pretty good physical health as well.  My brother and I just spent a long time on the phone with one of the counselor's from the helpline her and she gave us a lot of great information and tips.  Now we just have to teach them to my mom.  We also have a meeting to get her help in the home until it becomes necessary to get him full-time care.  We are just trying to get some things in place in hopes that it will alleviate some of her stress if that is even possible.

Rick4407

Be sure to talk to a neurologist to get some meds.  Your Mom should go to the appt with your Dad.  You may want to introduce your mom to this forum.  As M1 mentioned, the agitation can get worse, see a neurologist.  Rick