Got the POA (Thank You Jesus!) Now what?

TXLulu

I haven't been online recently, but things have been going on.  Got POA signed by the grace of God and a very kind and understanding attorney.  Spoke with bank, but they won't allow me to put any kind of limit on her cash withdrawals.  They cancelled her debit card because she was a risk to them due to many "suspicious activity" events.  She is mad about this when she remembers.

After reading about it, I would say she definitely has anosognosia.  She claims her financial activities are fine, despite the fact that I have been doing clean-up for the past six months.  At the rate she is going, she will be broke in less than  a year.

  She says she can cook, but all she tells me about eating is cereal and sandwiches. 

One Dr (the neurologist) told her she should not be driving at all.  Another Dr told her he thought she could drive short distances, not at night, or to the DFW metroplex.  She has forgotten all of this, and drives when and where she pleases.

She becomes very defensive, feels she is being persecuted when we discuss the finances or driving.  She has always been stubborn and headstrong.  Taking away her car will be a big deal.  She also says she wants to go to a new bank.

Is it already time to progress from POA to guardianship?  The attorney explained that a Dr would have to send a letter to a judge for this to occur.

Things seem to be unraveling very quickly, and I am just heartbroken.

Ci2Ci

1. https://youtu.be/NRKjKcTX0ak?t=79  (listen to this particular piece of advice from an elder attorney).

Ci2Ci

TXLulu wrote:

One Dr (the neurologist) told her she should not be driving at all.  Another Dr told her he thought she could drive short distances, not at night, or to the DFW metroplex.  She has forgotten all of this, and drives when and where she pleases.

She becomes very defensive, feels she is being persecuted when we discuss the finances or driving.  She has always been stubborn and headstrong.  Taking away her car will be a big deal.  She also says she wants to go to a new bank.

Driving was a major concern for me, as not only was LO putting herself at risk but all the others on the road/roadside.  She'd misplace her driver's license, so I'd say [whew!] "Well, you can't drive until you find it." But, her neighbors would just take her to get a new one! (They were always working against me.)

I contacted the state DMV. They suggested that I file an "unsafe driver" report, which can be done anonymously, online. With that, PWD is required to get a letter from their doctor stating that they can drive. Even the doctor saying it is okay might not be willing to state that in writing, with possible legal implications.  If PWD doesn't get that letter or just doenn't respond in time (likely for a PWD), the driver's license is suspended. 

Unfortunately, those things might not keep them from driving; but they are tools in an attempt to do so. (Note: I had to move my LO in with me to get her away from her 4-wheeled-weapon.)

Ci2Ci

Guardianship is considered a big deal -- in time, expense, severity. And, then you could be responsible for her actions. It also will public record.  (So far knock wood, I've gotten by with dPoA and joint bank account.)

Pro Tip: I'd not bring up that precious PoA to your LO, because they do have the right to revoke it. Don't poke the bear. 

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TXLulu

Ci2Ci, thanks for the video link.  Unfortunately, I have already told the bank about the POA.  I was already on her account as an "Approved signer" per the banker's request, and have been helping her pay the bills via online banking, so that won't change.  I will contact the attorney tomorrow re my ability to restrict her access to funds by cash withdrawals.

TXLulu

Victoria 2020, thanks for the advice about the car and driving.  At this point, she still seems safe enough ( I have actually ridden with her) so I am going to just be very watchful for now.  She is a friend, and only 63, so I am trying to let her remain as independent as possible.

SusanB-dil

Hi TXLulu - best about the car is to get it disabled! Sounds like asap. MIL had gotten lost driving at some point. Turned out it was at least 2-3 other times. We had already taken her off the road and one day not long after that admitted that she had come to an intersection and forgot what to do.

Could you have someone maybe disconnect a wire, or something similar... then have fiblets ready... "it was recalled and the part is on backorder."  "Car is broken and the part is on backorder - supply chain issues..."  whatever works and repeat as necessary.

Same here with the eating. Cannot be left at this point, therefore gets regular meals from us. (Does tell others she can cook.) But is great with that cereal and peanut-butter-jelly.

And yes, all 'this' is heartbreaking 

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Ci2Ci

Okay, good, you are on the account to /s/ and you use online banking. Not sure what bank you use, but some online banking (e.g., BoA) allows you to throttle or even temporary lock some transactions -- such as imposing a daily spend limit, disabling ATM transactions, etc. Might be under something like 'debit card management'.  I learned, the hard way, that the local branch didn't even know about this feature. 

I would do this every time my LO lost her debit card, which was often. If she found it again, I could easily (online) release the limit or adjust it. Very useful. 

Unfortunately, this won't stop her from going into a branch and withdrawing money at a teller. (Lost that battle with the bank, even with dPoA.)

terei

I’m sure you will come up with a solution, but my recommendation is to open another account, maybe even with the same bank + have her deposits transferred from ‘her’ account to the new one, which only you has access to/

That way you have a good paper trail + can show exactly where the funds are going when you pay her bills by check or whatever.

I would not advise making any cash withdrawals from her account.

TXLulu

Thank you Victoria 2020 for your insightful information about driving.  I hadn't looked at it that way.  I was trying to allow her as much independence as possible, but I see now it needs to be over.  My husband is pretty handy mechanically and could disable it so it could be taken away for "repair".

We already have two accounts at the bank, but they say she can withdraw as much as she wants from either account. She has already withdrawn cash, taken it home and hidden it, then forgot where she hid it. The bank cancelled her debit cards due to considerable replacement due to "unauthorized activity".  This was stuff she accidentally signed up for on the internet on her phone.

The car will be going away ASAP.  The next big battle will be the house and a move to an AL.  I am working on those issues behind the scenes.