Tell me about your hero

Ed1937

Mine is my daughter, Jennifer. She has two auto immune diseases. She is in pain every day, and she drives to Chicago to see a specialist. If she is late for an appointment, it is cancelled, and she has to wait some time before she can get in to see him. She can't afford to miss an appointment.

Not long ago. she was in a parking garage that was pretty full. She had been stuck in traffic, and she was a little later than usual, cutting it close. She spotted a woman who got in her car, ready to leave a parking spot open, so she waited for her to pull out of the parking space. When the woman finally pulled out, another woman cut in front of Jen, and grabbed the spot. Rather than cause a bigger problem, Jen drove a bit further, and finally found a spot to park. As she was hurrying up the corridor, she saw the woman who took her parking spot, walking in front of her. As Jen was passing her, she noticed the other woman seemed to be having a problem walking properly. She asked the woman if she was OK. The woman told her that she had heart problems, and didn't know if she had enough strength to make it to see her doctor. Jen walked next to her, going in a direction away from her own doctor's office, to make sure she would be OK. Finally they saw someone who worked there, and Jen explained the situation, asking if they could accompany the other woman to see her doctor. They did, and Jen was able to make it to see her doctor before her appointment was cancelled.

That's the kind of person Jen is. She's always telling me that people need to be a little kinder to each other. She says even if you just smile at someone, it could lift their day, and it costs you nothing. She's my hero. I'm sure you have one too. Tell us about it.

Dio

Ed, that's such a beautiful story about your daughter. Thanks for sharing. Other than the many family and friends who have selflessly come to my aid whenever I was in need, my heroes are the first responders who risk their lives daily to serve us...can't thank them enough.

GothicGremlin

Your daughter sounds amazing, Ed.

The hero who is nearest to me is my sister's friend, M.  I didn't even know people like him exist - thankfully they do.

He and Peggy have been friends since junior college. He went on to become a theater arts professor/instructor (I'm not sure of his title), specializing in costuming.  Both he and Peggy have told me over the years that he "dressed Peggy" for a variety of events.  (side note - how do I find my own "dresser"?) 

He's retired now, and visits Peggy every other day and stays for a couple of hours each of those days. He asked me if it's okay if he dresses Peggy if she needs it.  The answer is an absolute "yes!"  I can tell the days when M has been there - Peggy looks great on those days.  He's been doing this since Peggy went into memory care a little more than a year ago.

And this was after he took care of his mom for years and years. He worked in Long Beach, CA, and his mom lived outside of San Jose. He would care for her every weekend. Every weekend he would drive back and forth. On a good day Long Beach to the San Jose area is six hours.

Now that his mom has passed away, he's living in the house, so he's fairly close to Peggy in proximity, but it's still a bit of a trek. And he does this every other day.

He and I confer on clothes for Peggy, treats, ways to keep Peggy's spirits up, etc..

I'm in awe of this man.

Jo C.

This person who was our Hero was a Neuro specialist who was well known for the quality of his work as well as for having an excellent manner with his patients.

My LO was in the worst of situations and had an HMO Advantage Plan for insurance that was dreadful for being willing to authorize specialists or items for special needs.  They were awful but my LO refused to change coverage.   My LO was getting worse and worse' I knew something was very wrong, and yet, the Board Certified Geriatrician, my LOs primary care MD as well as his being President of that health plan refused us a Neurology consult with a Neuro specialist who saw dementia patients as part of his practice even being an "in plan" specialist.  The Geriatric specialist also denied need for any testing and had his mind made up; nothing would dissuade him and no amount of appealing his decisions above his level was successful.

So . . . I made an appoinment with an, "out of plan" specialist as I knew his work and his knowledge base and decided to pay privately out of my own pocket for the appointment.

We got to the Neuro's office.  My LO was pretty unsettled, but the specialist made a purposeful good connection and soon things were calmer.

The physician specialist began a full lengthy exam and even had a mobility round of assessment included in with everything else. As said, it was a very lengthy exam taking much time.  At the end of the exam and assessment, the out of plan specialist did feel much more was presenting that needed adequate diagnostics and support.

So . . . knowing the challenges we were up against with the Advantage HMO refusals, on letterhead, he wrote point by point what he felt was medically necessary to be done diagnostically for the patient as well as a need for a dementia specialist and additional support and signed it.

When I got to the desk to write a check for the long appointment, the staff told me that the doctor said there was to be no charge.  Not one penny.  I demurred and said I was willing to pay, but the doctor was adamant.   No charge.

That letterhead list of items, etc. was copied and I gave the original to the HMO Geriatrician who grew red in the face, but what was he going to do . . . . legal issues were probably swirling through his thoughts.  Cheaper to do the right thing.

The patient was indeed then authorized to see a dementia specialist and adequate diagnostics ensued. It was quickly seen that the patient was misdiagosed and was on meds that made matters much worse.

So, that wonderfully kind out of plan specialist was the one who opened the door to obtaining the care that was necessary and that made a huge difference.  He could have kissed us off and done only a cursory exam and not said much and could have charged us full high fee for the visit, but he did not.  He made it possible for my LO to receive adequate care.

I will never forget him and his kindness. 

J.

Ed1937

It's really great to hear of the other heroes. It makes me feel that there is actually hope for mankind. Thanks for the replies!

toolbeltexpert

Great timing Ed. I nominate a LPN from the mc where my Dw is. I have known her for many years but not like I know her now. I was talking to a CNA and asked if she ever got depressed, she was in her early 20's. she said yes, I was kinda surprised. Doing the work they do for 12 hrs a day I can see that. Well the LPN opened up a little, she and her husband have adopted 2 boys, one was official on December 22 this year the other was three years ago. The older one has been a lot of trouble and they continue to be loving parents for him but it has worn her thin and yesterday she said she lost it, kinda like many of us have, her tears started to roll, she was sad that she had lost it. We get that! She talked for quite a while and it seemed to help her. I told her I had no advice because we never had children. She is always very supportive of me making sure that if I wanted to hang all day that was not a problem. Well after a little while I got to thinking of my upbringing, I was the child from hell, I couldn't begin to tell all the stories, I ran away 3 times, once for 2 weeks, one time I drank for a week straight "15 yrs old mind you" ended up in a coma for a month, woke up couldn't walk or talk for about a week. Let me say this doesn't Scratch the surface Really. But I remembered my mother never gave up on me, Your gonna go thru high school no matter what my mother said. Well I made it, even the principle said he thought I would never make it when he handed me my diploma. My mother was so proud. I manage to turn around and I think I turned out ok. I shared that with the LPN, later she thanked me. I am really proud of this LPN and her husband for the hard work they are doing for these two young boys. She is my hero and I have told her that before. She is so caring for her charges, she bakes food, enough for each resident to have some unusual dish she makes. I hope they never lose her. It really broke my heart to see her cry, because she is trying so hard, and she said she carries a lot home from work because she loves what she is doing. 

Where my wife is has the greatest staff and they are really like a big family. 

I can think of a quite a few hero's on the forum.

Stewart

Stella Luna

My heroes are ALL of you in this forum, trying to do the best for your LO everyday. You roll with the punches and get up to continue your caregiving journey.

White Crane

In 2013, I had major surgery on my neck.  Afterward, although my neck was much better I was unable to swallow.  The neurosurgeon who performed the surgery washed his hands of any responsibility and said, "Well, I did my job."  A gastroenterologist stepped up and refused to give up on me.  He did further testing and got me to Mayo Clinic.  They determined that the surgery had left me with nerve damage.  There was a disconnect between my brain and the timing of the swallowing reflex.  They sent me home and I still could not swallow.  During this time, a feeding tube had to be implanted so I could take nourishment.  The gastroenterologist still didn't give up.  He tried some different medications and would call me personally to ask if they had helped.  They hadn't.  Finally, he said there was only one more thing he could think to try...electrical stimulation.  He referred me to a speech therapist who was in the process of receiving training in electrical stimulation.  She worked with me during her training by giving me exercises to do.  When her training was completed, she started giving me the electrical stimulation treatments.  After several sessions, I was able to start swallowing again.  It was slow and didn't come back all at once...little by little I could eat some very soft foods if I took my time.  Then, after almost seven months, I was able to eat a small piece of meatloaf and some mashed potatoes and green beans!   Now, after almost ten years, I still have to be careful but am able to eat most things.  That gastroenterologist was my hero.

Last Dance

Ed’s daughter Jennifer is a truly a hero in spite of all of her troubles and health problems she took the time to make sure that Lady was taken care of and got to her appointment while at the same time Jennifer could have missed hers. This is what Jesus ask us to do, to help those who are in trouble. just think how great our country would be if everybody had Jennifer's attitude about life.

  In my lifetime I've met a lot of people that I could think of could be heroes Linda’s doctors her neurologist the medical care that I got for Linda was all fantastic. I consider my wife to be a hero, she saved me from self-destruction, she always put everybody else first before herself, even as her dementia progressed and some days, she even though she didn't remember if she ate lunch or not, or couldn't remember her children's names, she would still ask me are you OK, are they OK, she just wanted the best for all of us. She was the only one out of 8 siblings 7 of them girls that took care of her mother, they all lived with them 20 to 30 miles from her we lived 75 miles from her.

Michael Ellenbogen

 Since this is about dementia my hero and most respected person in the world of dementia is George Vradenburg.