Where do you imagine yourself in a year's time?

M1

Last New Year's Eve, I certainly didn't foresee all that has happened this year.  Impossible to know, of course, but if I had to guess, I suspect my partner won't be alive in another year's time.  I imagine feeling relief and sadness, both, and am already ready to sell the farm and downsize.  I want mercy for her, for the suffering to be over.  She is so unhappy, and it is so hard to witness her quality of life spiral ever downhill and to be helpless in the face of it.

Who knows what will really happen?  I may be sitting at this same kitchen table, at the same computer a year from now.

Wishing courage and safety and wellbeing to all of you and your loved ones, and appreciation of the love and beauty that still surrounds us.  

Ed1937

If I'm still on the face of the earth, unless ill, I expect to be living a more normal life.

I don't know what to wish for people here. Just as many of you don't know what to wish for yourselves. I do however, wish they would find something that would make a real difference in the world of dementia.

MaryG123

Honestly, I try not to think about it.  Here’s to the best 2023 possible!

Joe C.

I actually think I will be pretty much in the same situation but probably not the same place as I too am thinking of down sizing and moving closer to DW’s MCF. DW is in great health other than the AD so I anticipate a slow decline. I took her to lunch today with the caregiver we had  for 4+ years before placement . 

I am blessed, she is happy living in the MCF and that makes me happy.

I wish all here patience, strength and compassion in the year.

Lorita

If I'm still living I hope I'm able to still be here on ranch with the dogs , cats and cattle.  We never know what a year or even another day will bring.  I've been without my other, better half for almost eight years now so if I'm well enough this next year will be the same as this one.  I'll still be alone.

We can all hope for a better year but we take what we're given.

Joydean

I wish I could think that far ahead, but I can’t. Really don’t want to know. But I can and will wish everyone healthy and comfort and peace for the coming year. May we all find many smiles in 2023!

Stuck in the middle

I'll be right here by the fireplace, I guess.  DW's disease is progressing slowly and steadily, so I expect her to be still beside me, and I'll still have DS to look after if he hasn't smoked himself to death.  New year, same stuff.  It could be worse.

toolbeltexpert

M1 I am gonna say, I wish I knew! My house has been on the market going on three months and only a couple of inquiries. I figured I would price it high, but now it doesn't seem as realistic. So I keep doing what needs to be done, cutting and splitting next year's wood. I have loaded up my shop with work so I am ready for spring time when mowers start selling, I am doing what I can to look for another place, but it will only be a contingent till I have something solid on my place. I maintain my road as it isn't a county road, I can shovel gravel free from the county garage, Already got my blister started, since the last four years I haven't done much. I have lots to do around the house in order to downsize our Stuff, almost 45 years of marriage plus what we both had before marriage, my Dw was the keeper of her family antiques and her family history, birth certificates, death certificates, letters and old old pictures, she keep it all and did a fine job of preserving it, now it's up to me to find another family member to carry it forward and they are very few now.

No matter what happens though it will be ok, I trust that God has plans for me, I am amazed how not stressed about selling our house or the money needed for DW's care. I am definitely not well off, but I can manage for a while. I never had big retirement plans. 

So I could be right here in a year writing another post. So day by day as the world turns, so do our lives. Glad to have found this forum.

And I hope each of you all have a peaceful and prosperous New Year.

Stewart

Quilting brings calm

Mom seems pretty stable in her stage 4 status( even though the NP still says MCI).  Her anxiety and depression  medication seem to be doing a decent ( not perfect) job.  The increased gabapentin dose is helping her feet. So I don’t anticipate a big change - which means several more years to go. She’s 84 in a family of long lived people. 

Step-dad seems stable in all his various physical illnesses.   The AL nurse told me he’s somewhat forgetful.  I’ve not discussed his recent dementia diagnosis with her.   I really thought  his physical condition would have deteriorated by now, but it hasn’t.  I do somewhat  expect that to change this year.  I also anticipate his behavior issues known to the family for decades to start being an issue with others by the end of 2023. I think maybe his dementia will progress at a faster rate than my moms due to his COPD etc. 

Every time we go to the eye doctor, I expect my spouse to get bad news. But the news hasn’t changed for a few years.  So far, his eyesight still allows him to drive during the day. He doesn’t drive at night.   I usually drive whenever we are together. I sort of expect his driving ability to change in the next couple years.  

So what I think is that my days will be even more filled with all their needs and less of my own. Possibly have another 3-4 years in our current home before my spouse is unable to keep up the home and yard maintenance. Also not sure about whether my knees  will get replaced this year or not.  Hoping my back is stable this year, Spouse is making noise about his own joint issues. 

RobertsBrown

My truth is that living one day at a time is the only way I can survive. One part denial mixed with one part resolve. When I try to look out a year, I only see my fears staring back at me.

This all seems to only go one direction, and in my imagination I survive the bottom and then, maybe, I get a chance to plan and hope and do stuff.

Sorry to be a rain cloud, but that's my forecast.

ghphotog

No se. Was thinking the very same thing this time last year and here we are, another year down. Probably MC at some point before the year is out. As fast as my DW seems to be progressing MC is not unlikely this year but quien sabe.

JoseyWales

What will I be doing in a year? This is a question that has haunted me lately. I am frozen in time, while DH is in memory care. How long will he go on there? 3 months? 3 years? No one can tell me.

I go between thinking about moving and wanting to stay here. The house is 130+ years old, and 9 acres of a lot to take care of. But I live 1/2 mile from my parents and I've lived here 25 years. The house is solid. It's home. But wouldn't a newer house be nice? And closer to town? 

I enjoy my job, but it's also pretty hard and time consuming. Wouldn't a change be nice? Wouldn't it be nice to not bring work home every day and weekend? I enjoy change. But I'm 55 - would a change be a good idea?

I go between thinking I'm too old to make changes, to thinking I am not THAT old. Spending hours and hours in a nursing home makes you feel old.

So.... yeah. No idea what I'll be doing next year.

Kevcoy

I'm hoping to see myself right here where I have been for 21 years but with a lot less "stuff".  I've slowly started going through my closets to get rid of things.  DH would never let go of any article of clothing and so far I've reduced the tee shirt collections by over 150 down to about 20.  I just took 21 coats and jackets to the thrift store yesterday.  He doesn't seem to mind my doing this now, but a few years ago, no way.  I'm hoping when I can get into my vandalized storage unit and retrieve things I can sell his Star Trek ornaments that haven't been on a tree since 2016.  I also hope to be in a better place with planning for his future getting legal and financial footing firmly set.

M1

Such thoughtful answers.  I get the tension between living one day at a time and trying to think ahead.  Josey, I particularly get the tension between feeling too old and tired to change, and wanting a new start.   Life is what happens while you're making other plans, isn't it?

Just Bill

I am firmly committed to living in the moment and I try not to time travel unless it teaches me something or makes me feel good. If I were to project where I will be in a year it will be right here doing what I do to survive one day at a time. My wife will have progressed from mid stage dementia symptoms to late stage. She is a solid 4 now and starting to exhibit all the symptoms on the 5 list. Luckily she has dodged the bladder problems so far, but inevitably I will be dealing with that as well as the poop issues. This has been a progressively difficult journey that started a little over 2 years ago. I f I were to draw a graph, the first year was a gentle slope upward in level of difficulty. Then year 2 a more abrupt upward curve. The next year's projection: Steeper incline. My objective will to try to to stay a step ahead of everything, work, play golf, exercise and meditate. I read somewhere if you are in a really difficult situation don't think too far ahead. Break it down into bite size chunks. Get through the month, if that is too hard get through the week, if that is too hard get through the day, and if that is too hard get to your next meal. If you have to you can break the day into just get through the next 5 minutes. Or you could truly just live in the moment where I finally evolved. I am either enjoying the moment or just getting through the moment.

abc123

I'm kind of scared to think about it.  I 'll probably be more involved in my dad's care.

I've been giving a lot of thought to my sister and the fun filled life she has. I am considering ending my relationship with her.

I hope we can all find some kind of peace.

Beachfan

I imagine I will be right where I am right now, one year older and maybe with my knees a little wonkier.  I am 6 years living in my “downsized” carriage house; DH was totally oblivious when we moved here and now just continues fading away in MC each day.  He was diagnosed MCI almost 13 years ago and it has truly been the long goodbye.  I can barely conjure up memories of when he was “whole” and our lives were “normal”.  So, here I am and determined to make the best of it.   I refuse to wallow; I’ve got kids and grandkids nearby, I am healthy and financially secure for now, my hair is already gray, so there’s that.  As Stuck pointed out, it could be worse. Happy New Year everyone.

CatladyNW

I’ve been thinking all day about how much changed in my life in this last year. My DH moved to AL, and it has been a struggle for me to learn to live on my own, and still provide him with the support and help that he needs. I don’t know what to expect with his condition of  PD or LBD, as his cognition fluctuates a great deal. I know how the story will end, just don’t know when. I hope that next year, whatever happens, I will be coping better and not experiencing the great swings of emotions of anxiety, guilt and sadness that I’ve experienced this last year. Life goes on!

White Crane

A year from now, I will probably be sitting right here at this computer.  DH will probably be continuing his slow decline.  At least that is what it looks like now.  If I had a crystal ball, I don't think I would look into it.  If I did, it might be too upsetting.  I try to take things one day at a time and still make tentative plans and take care of what needs to be taken care of.  So I will continue to trust The Lord and take care of my DH.

Last Dance

There's a big difference for where I wish I would be a year from now, compared to what I really will be at a year from now. I really had big plans this year to unclutter our house to get rid of things to upgrade the bathroom and the kitchen, I just had so many things that I wanted to do and planned on doing, but my daughter ended up with cancer in March so my time has been taking care of her and while she is doing better now I really see no hope of accomplishing the things I want to do this year. I don't plan the year ahead I don't even plan a month ahead; I try to plan the week and if I can get half of the things done that, I want to do that makes me happy. Hopefully I can look back on 2023 and say I did not accomplish  everything I wanted to do but a lot of the things I wanted to do I did get done. However, with being a caregiver again for my daughter with her cancer and her husband with a stroke I really don't see anything being any different in 2023 than they were in 2022, and I'll be at the same place next year as I am this year. I pray that God would help me as well as all of you make through the everyday challenges we face. God’s Blessings to you all Richard

Kibbee

Although this caregiving gig is a challenge, I hope that a year from now DH is still in our home and that I can continue to provide care.  We're already in the Land of Incontinence and I am coping with that.  Next big hurdle is his increasing loss of mobility.  He uses a wheelchair full time and is still weight bearing enough for a one person assist, so we are managing.  But I can tell his weight bearing ability is declining, and at some point he'll be beyond my ability to assist him on my own.  Because of this I took him for a test drive of a sit-to-stand machine.  I could tell he was hanging his weight from the sling more than truly bearing his weight on his legs, so that purchase was not made.  Instead I am anticipating I will need to purchase a Hoyer Lift soon.   

DH's health situation is due to long term downstream side affects of whole brain radiation received two decades ago.  While he exhibits some of the same problems as a dementia patient, his progression is not aligned with the dementia timeline.  Other that his deficits in executive function and lower body strength, control and mobility, his overall health is good. He is happy at home and I expect him to live for a good many years, so unless I want to bankrupt myself on facility-based care and end up living in a box under a bridge, my motto is chin up and keep on keeping on.

Lills

When my DH was sick, I often thought of what I would do when his time came....  I thought I would travel, go out for lunch often, take a class, etc.  If fact, thinking ahead provided me hope that my life would go on.  

So, it's been 8 months since DH died and I'm still not 'ready' to travel, etc.  Maybe in a year from now... 

Sligo177

What a wonderful question, and thank you for posting this.  I read everyone's responses, and I see myself in each one.  I guess we have so much in common, although our circumstances change from day to day. 

 In a year, I hope that my DH is content, and that I have calmed down from my current state of worry, trying to be philosophical, staying busy, frozen in uncertainty, trying to stay positive...you all know the feeling. If DH's disease continues to advance quickly, I may not have him.  (God bless my beautiful husband, I don't know how I'll be when it happens).  Or, it may move slowly and he will be here for a few years.  The philosophical me says I can handle it, everything will happen as it's supposed to.  the me inside says I'm going to have a hard time. 

As far as changes, I sold my home and moved to a condo Dec. 1, so Josey you are not too old by a long shot.  I'm 69.  All of you, I wish for you as good a 2023 as you can have, and I care very much about your lives.  Thanks for sharing your knowledge and experience with me, it helps so much!!

Battlebuddy

  This was a good post. I have been reflecting on this question for a couple of days. It’s definitely tied up with the New year and facing 2023. 

   I’ve always been a planner. It’s one of the hardest things about Alzheimers - that you can’t plan your year. I’m also a big resolutions person. I like to set goals and TRY to meet them. What would goals be for year 7 of this journey. 

   I really don’t want to repeat this past year. I didn’t write many Christmas cards because when reflecting on the year, all I saw was decline and Hospice. I didn’t think my husband would make it through 2022 but he did. 

   So I’ve really been trying to come up with things I could do this year to make it just a little different than last year. I’m a creative person so I have resolved to be more creative this year. Let’s see what happens. Going to have to rework my garden because the 28 degrees temperatures over Christmas here in Florida wiped out a bunch of stuff. 

   I can only say this to you guys but I really hope my husband passes away this year. I am asking the same questions Josey Wales is. If that happened would I have one more move in me or am I too old? Some days I feel young and some days I feel ancient 

RCT

What a great thread….very thought provoking and read some insightful answers. I am guessing not much will change..my DH’s decline is very slow but who knows what tomorrow will bring ?….so I practice staying in the moment ….(thinking ahead can make me sad)

Fritzie

Thank you for sharing this.  This is a road ahead of me.