Feels like whiplash

Anna2022

My DH is in early stages, or so I think.

Days go by and he seems fine or at least stable, then he says something that startles me, like asking whether our oldest daughter is married (wedding was 3 years ago). He has no memory of the events and showing photos of the event didn't help him remember at all. Is the memory gone for good????

Is there a rhyme or reason to what is forgotten? It seems that these big memory losses appear a few hours after some stressful event/emotional event or after having worked hard to present well at a social function. Am I just trying to figure it all out and need to realize that the memory losses are random?

JJAz

Unfortunately, stress will do this to a dementia patient.

Arrowhead

No rhyme or reason or pattern to the symptoms of this disease. For years my wife believed that we weren't married, now she accepts it, most of the time. There are still periods when she doesn't. This disease is unpredictable.

BKay

My DH’s early-stage symptoms worsened significantly during stressful times, like airline travel or social events or work meetings (before he took early retirement). You can help him by trying to buffer the stress he feels in any way possible. One way is not to expect him to be able to remember anything and to not show your dismay that he can’t remember certain events, even though your heart hurts that he’s lost a cherished family event like a wedding. I found it helpful to gloss over these lapses because if I kept pointing out all that he was forgetting, he just felt bad - and still didn’t remember the event. 

Your post made me nostalgic for those early couple of years when my DH was still functioning pretty well with more occasional problems. Do be sure to take fun trips together now and do anything you’ve always wanted to do together. These months are precious. 

RCT

Hi…it can be frustrating..my DH is probably early mid stage. We stopped traveling in 2019 and I noticed then that a stressful situation worsened his memory. His short term memory is gone now and his long term memory has big gaps..he cant describe the places we visited when we were RVing for example. I think each Alzheimer’s patient is different. So now I just go with it. I never ask..do you remember. I work on patience and kindness and being loving every day.

Anna2022

Thank you for your replies - I feel like I'm among people who understand.

If I can remember that some memory disappears with stress, it will help. Or not. I find that even as I learn so much about this disease, I can't stay ahead of it. I think staying in the moment and dealing with what comes might be a better use of my energy.

Thank you again for commenting - you all are the best!

JoseyWales

I think it was Crushed (or maybe someone else? Step up and take credit!) who once shared this analogy, and it stuck with me. Memory is like a huge map of a major city. At first, the alleys and a side road or two get shut down and blocked off, but you can still find your way around town with very little inconvenience and can get to those important memories. Then some side roads become closed and getting around is a bit tricker but still fairly easy. Some days you reach those memories, other days you just can't. Then some of the main roads become closed, to the point where those memories are no longer accessible.  

My husband's highways are now shutting down. Sigh. 

ghphotog

Seems like there are many different issues that can affect memory on any given day from stress, UTIs or other health problems. Once that stressor settles down then they return to baseline, wherever that may be for them.

Anna2022

Thanks JoseyWales and ghphotog. I understand the map analogy (and it makes sense!) and will look for the possibility of return to baseline when stressors ease. Thank you so very much for your comments.

feelsad

Hi all, my wife's short memory is major problem. They say she has AD, but what phase? It seems the less chores she does the less she wants to do, but I see that she forgets how to do simple things and do it for her. I think I have no choice. I still work and she's on disability. 

Sorry for chaotic thougths, I just lonely and do not know how to help.

M5M

Feelsad, I understand your comment "The less she does, the less she can do....".  DH has minimal motivation many days and would sit in his chair for hours.  Bottom line, some of this is he is bored and has lost the capacity to create activity. I am finding if I plan an event he will follow....so we walk daily, sometimes even twice.  He enjoys going out but can't drive, so if we don't have some necessary destination, we go to the coffee shop. I try to create things for him to do, he will unload the dishwasher if prompted.  He mostly puts everything on the counter and then I come back and put things in the cabinets. I leave the towels for him to put away. If I suggest, he's pretty compliant.  At first it was hard for me to come up with things to have him do, it's getting clearer to me as I try to be creative.  With you still working, you may have to make a list for her..."Call me at 10 AM"....."Make lunch, bread is on the counter"...etc.

Best wishes as you explore this nasty mess.