I feel

Another Day

Ed1937

Welcome to the forum. sorry you have a need for it. You are in the right place for help and understanding. Is this your husband or your father? Whichever it is, tell him that there are many conditions that can mimic symptoms of dementia, and when they are taken care of, the symptoms could stop completely. That would not be a lie, but he would have to go through testing to see if they can find something other than dementia. The longer he waits, the less chance there is of turning things around for him. He should see a neurologist who has dementia patients as a large part of his/her practice. Good luck to you.

M1

AD, you came to a good place.  Could you use a "fiblet" to get him to the doctor?  Many here have done that---such as, Medicare now requires a visit or you'll lose your insurance.  You could even fake a letter saying that if you needed to.  Assuming he has a doc or even if it's a new one--let the doc know ahead of time, in writing or by phone, what your concerns are.  Most will go along, this won't be the first time they've done similar.  Certainly, don't try to persuade or rationalize with him, won't work and will likely raise opposition.  Good luck.

LaurenB

You state that your husband can act normal at the doctors and then revert to a 12 year old at home.  This is very common and known as "showtiming."  PWD can hold it together long enough to look good, but after a bit of time they can no longer keep it together and the scenerio falls apart.  Are there any other family members that can assist you with getting him to a doctor?  

You are most definitely in the right place.  A lot of us have similar scenarios.

CanyonGal

My mother had a fall and hit her head. I used the fall as the excuse to see the neurologist. I said she was having some memory problems and we need to see what we can do to help you. He did test her and requested an MRI (this was a university hospital).

I wasn't there but my sister was asked why we thought it was dementia. (I was like, tell him all the short-term memory issues - feeding the dog 5 times a day because she couldn't remember when she fed him but would forget to give him water, going to the walk-in closet when looking for the bathroom, not remembering how to cook simple things, or do the coffee, not recognizing things. Expired food everywhere! Not able to handle fiscal affairs, bad judgement, fall risk because she didn't want to use her walker, and not taking prescriptions correctly.)

This neurologist however didn't know his trade or needed to use better testing - just said she had low IQ! She was an accountant before she retired! SO, if it doesn't sound right, try elsewhere.  (This particular neurologist left the university, not surprised.)

According to her, she was fine.

We had her tested by her physician every time she had her 6 mo. Medicare checkup. First it was MCI. Later the rehab specialists, .... dementia, stage 3, stage 4. Last year, stage 5. NOW everyone knows it is dementia. (She is even aware that she has memory issues.)

Martin Robbins

I would like to add somwthing, if I may, CanyonGal.

My mother who was seeing her primary care physician (PCP) for six-month exams.  However, I was eventually told, by her PCP, "You need to get her to a specialist, a neurologist."

Very long waits for appointments w/ neurologists were the norm.  The best I could find required a wait of six months.  So, I continued a search for a solution, finally taking her to a geriatric specialist, who was outstanding.  He was the solution, and consulted w/ her PCP when necessary.

Rather Not Say

It does take time to find the right doctor, thankfully a childhood friend was able to refer me to a great doctor that they used for his Grandfather. This man knew exactly how to speak and interact with my mom to the point where she could not wait to go see him. Sad part is this man is against medications if non medicated methods work. Great for my mom, since he does listen to her, even when she is rambling but even still he is able to get the gest of what she is saying. He is also against NH care, he is the one that filled my head with all the horror stories, though it is like my buddy that works in the ER, tells you all the horrible things since that is what they see on a daily bases so their preception is skewed. 

Take each day a time, being a solo caregiver is rough and often a thankless job, but slowly once you start to build a care team that works with you and not against you it does make things slightly easier. 

Ci2Ci

If all else fails, maybe try a televisit. Perhaps the doctor would quietly observe for a bit (before you let LO know the visit has started). A peek before the 'showtiming' could begin?

CanyonGal

Martin, I am not against neurologists and I think most know what they are doing but we stumbled into a situation where he just kept wanting to run tests,  that insurance would not cover because the paperwork wasn’t filled out correctly. Then, he recommended some PT (after she had already had PT and Medicare would not cover any more). Lesson learned- University related services are not necessarily the best resource. This was 3 1/2 years ago and I just kept requesting testing any time we were at her PCP office or if she was in rehab because it was obvious she was in mental decline. 

Looking back, I thought her dementia was bad last year, but today she doesn’t resemble that person. Everything is relative. I dread the day when she no longer recognizes me. 

I am thankful she is in memory care because I couldn’t do 24/7 care.