Child of someone with Alzheimer’s

Jen4Kings

 Hi everyone. My 80-year old mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a few years ago. She is doing well mostly, just repeats herself a lot and her short term memory is going. Long/term memory is okay. My dad (also 80) is her primary caregiver but all of my siblings and I frequently visit and prepare/cook meals, clean, run errands, take my mom to run errands, etc. 

My questions are 1) how can we get my mom I drink more water? Her dr. said she is dehydrated. When we put water in front of her, she won’t drink and argues that she already drank so much that day (but she doesn’t) 2) Both parents are stubborn and say they don’t need help. However, in observing them day-to-day, it is clear that they do. My mom argues that she just wants to do everything for herself… don’t treat her like a child and stop telling her what to do, for example. She was always the caregiver for my siblings and my dad and I but now won’t let the roll go to one of us to help out. 3) We think my Dad may be depressed but won’t admit it and won’t talk to his dr. about it. He is not one to reach out so we’re not sure what we can do. 

Sorry this is so long, but this is my first post, so please have some grace!  

Thank you & God bless!

CanyonGal

My mom is not a water drinker. Water is best but she doesn't like water so...offer juice, iced tea, ...anything that is liquid that she will drink. My mom would drink apple juice and hot tea. There was an orange hot tea drink that Olive Garden had that she loved. 

There are favored waters that might work: mint, peach, coconut, etc. Find her a flavor.

Every time someone visits sit at the table or somewhere and everyone drink something.

There are additives that can be added to your drink to provide hydration but don't know how they "taste" to a drink.

sunnydove

I had the opposite problem. Mom was drinking TOO much and constantly going to the bathroom. I had to switch her to water to slow her down. As many patients with AD, she has a sweet tooth. We were just drinking water with crystal light type drink mix added and it just tasted so good she was drinking it just for the taste. Maybe adding the flavor (and color) will be more appealing to your mom and help her get her liquid intake up. You can also try to get her to eat more foods with high water content like fruits. Melons and grapes are excellent sources.

Emily 123

Hi Jen,  Sometimes the water drinking away from mealtimes is a tough one.  Anything that's not an old habit will be hard to initiate.  As you know, the PWD is going to assume that they are following their usual daily routine, not realizing that they can't keep track of things. 

As CanyonGal said, find a favorite--my mom would drink Gatorade, so I would push it after she had gone for her daily walk, and always prefaced it with 'I'm having X, can I get some for you?' And I would make her a mocktail before dinner and she'd drink that.  Her diuretics had made her have more urinary frequency, plus she had begun to have incontinence, and so didn't want to drink water.  We did take her off her diuretic and switched her anti-hypertensive, and that helped for a bit, but honestly, I stopped trying to make her what she didn't want to do as she was in the stage of her disease where she was very sensitive about any loss of control. It can be a delicate balance.  Some days you might get that beverage onboard, some days you won't, and on the days you can't, just let it go. 

I think you're right to be concerned about your dad.  If he's not ready to talk it out, then what about directing him spouse forum here?  Perhaps just to read?  It's a great resource, and would be a good initial step where he can see that he's not alone, and that he can reach out with any questions.  

harshedbuzz

Jen4K-

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here, but glad you found this place.

I see 2 issues in your post; one mentioned and one between-the-lines.

Regarding your dad and his mood/quality-of-life. Men (and women to a lesser extent) of a certain generation do not embrace self-care strategies or in-home professional help willingly. Nothing in your post suggests that your mom's care has reached a critical point. It doesn't sound like she's fighting hygiene, wandering or incontinent, so he may be happier with family providing some meals, errands or respite. It might help his mood if he had a couple of regular breaks in the week-- perhaps someone could take mom for the afternoon each Saturday so he could golf or play cards or whatever his thing is or someone could take mom weekly for a hair appointment and lunch to give him a break. His refusal to consider this may be based on finances-- in-home care can run $30+/hour and he may want to hold off until it's needed needed.

A local support group could be useful. He might be more willing to go if someone stays with mom and someone goes with him. IME, older people sometimes do better with IRL meetings than online or zoom.

But for me the bigger piece is the risks of relying on an 80-year-old as a plan. You and your sibs need a Plan B. You need to know if there is a POA in place for mom should your father become unable to continue her care because of death or illness. One of you should also be his POA in case decisions around finances or health need to be made for him in an emergency. This kind of decision-making is beyond your mom now.

You should also have a plan for care for mom should he pass first. Would an adult child provide care in their home? Would changes need to be made to their home to do this? Would memory care be a better option for your family? If so, you'll want to tour several and figure out your top 3 choices and how it will be paid for. With older parents, it's always a good idea to also have your top 3 SNF/rehabs picked in case one of them needs rehab after a qualifying hospitalization. 

HB

harshedbuzz

I forgot to address the water.

Sometimes you have to dress the water up a bit. Perhaps in a fancy glass with lemon slices or flavored with Mio drops would pique her interest. Joining her in an iced tea, mocktail or decaf afternoon tea might get more liquid into her.

And don't forget that there are other routes to hydration-- through fruits and veggies, Jell-o, Popsicles, ices.

Joydean

Hi Jen and welcome. my dh doesn’t drink water either and his doctor keeps on me to push more water. His nurse told me when giving juice add half water and half juice. He would tell me something was wrong with his juice. So I started using crushed ice in what ever he was drinking, as he drinks slow the ice starts melting and he doesn’t notice the difference. I don’t know if that will help but just wanted to share what is working for us for now. 

Best of luck to you. 

Martin Robbins

I agree w/ sunnydove: Maybe adding the flavor (and color) will be more appealing to your mom and help her get her liquid intake up.

There are all sorts of water flavor enhancers at the grocery stores.