Moved in to MC, showtiming

JennD724

Hi again to the group. 

My mom was staying with my sister and me for the few weeks between her Independent Living Apartment (which she was unable to stay in due to continually wandering/getting lost/unable to do many ADLs). During that time, she was really bad, seemed to be always in distress, pacing a ton, moving things around the house, repeating words and phrases, etc. She was waiting for her room in a memory care facility (only 10 residents in the house), and this Tuesday was the day. My sister and I moved her in, and were so worried about how she would adjust.

Upon arrival, it was like she became a different person. Much more verbal..speaking complete sentences, turning on the charm, introducing everyone to us, etc. It's like she's "on" and performing - maybe for us, maybe for the staff, not sure. But we are so surprised to see what a difference, and of course, waiting for the adrenaline to wear off, and for her to get worn out from pretending so much. It's only been a few days, so we don't know how it will go long term.

Did anyone else see this type of change in their LO upon moving in? We are also concerned that the difference between her ability and the rest of the residents in the house may make it hard for her to connect - not many of the other residents are as verbal, and they don't seem to be engaging in any activities, though we haven't been there long enough to really know. 

Any words of wisdom here? Thanks

Ci2Ci

No words of wisdom from experience, J. But, I'm sure hoping that she isn't showtiming and rather welcoming the change.

[My LO developed great anxiety living alone (struggling). When she moved in with me that anxiety went away, as she now had someone to manage those things that had become difficult. ]

JennD724

Thanks for your reply. That's my hope, too. But when she was living with me (and also my sister), we were doing everything for her and she was still really impaired, struggling with everything - exhibiting lots of dementia behaviors. We are happy she doesn't seem to be struggling as much there, but it's a bit of a mystery and making me wonder if she needs memory care at all! It's just making me question everything. It's only been 5 days, so we are going to take it one day at a time, and reevaluate in another week or so.

CanyonGal

My mother seemed to be “better” or not as bad as many in memory care. She was extremely unhappy and was planning to escape the first several months. I felt guilty moving her because she wasn’t as “crazy” as some but I have come to realize that people exhibit different behaviors as they move through the mid to last stages. She puts on a good front, until you look at her purse filled with trash, and cookies and food mixed in the dresser drawer, and wearing clothes that are not hers, and taking residents items (walkers, glasses) to her room (when she could find her room). And creating memories from TV shows…weird stories.

 She had declined (mentally and physically) to where assisted living wasn’t a good fit and it was recommended that I move her to memory care. She wasn’t able to find the bathroom in her room, didn’t know where she was, sundowning, and couldn’t hold a conversation. She had lost so much weight due to delusions about what she was allowed to eat that I requested a hospice evaluation. (She is finally eating again.) She improved physically due to the nutrition. 

She wasn’t connecting with anyone in memory care (even though there are a few ladies about the same level) nor participating in activities but she wasn’t being social in assisted living either. She will talk with the employees of the facility. Her friends stopped visiting because of the mental decline. 

If your mom is showtiming she is trying to pretend everything is normal. (Who wants people to know we have problems?)The cracks will eventually display. Every time my mother went to the doctor’s office or even the hospital the first impression was she is fine…the longer she is there, the odd behavior and requests start, and they see through the facade. 

GothicGremlin

Hey there Jenn - I don't know if it's words of wisdom, but I've been through this, so I can speak from my own experience.

My sister Peggy was diagnosed in 2018 with early onset. She lived at home until memory care in Oct. 2021.

Pre-memory care what I saw was a lot of stress, pacing, hand-wringing, thinking she was "cleaning" when in reality she was creating more of a mess, essentially trying to do things that she used to be able to do in the past, but could no longer do.

When she moved into memory care, there was a period of adjustment and she had a few meltdowns.  But once she realized she wasn't moving into a hellscape, she kind of embraced memory care. She's done well there. She's not getting better, I hasten to add, she's just more comfortable there. I think it's because the environment is much simpler than at home, or independent/assisted living. Decisions are made for her, she's on a schedule for meals and activities. There are staff there to assist her with toileting, showering, dressing, plus she's not lost all the time. If she can't find her room, someone will walk her to her room. It's all just easier, if you will. 

You'd know better, but from what I read from your post, it doesn't sound like all of her behaviors are showtiming, it sounds like she's in an environment that's a better fit for where she is now in the progression of the disease. She might be putting on an act when she's around staff but I think that will end soon enough.

May flowers

My FIL did the same, for about five months. In his case I don’t know that it was showtiming as much as just being in the right environment for him. It did eventually catch up with him when certain stressful situations occurred there and his decline became more pronounced