A couple of thoughts

mommyandme (m&m)

On Regret

“How to hold regret tenderly:

I wish I would have done that differently,                                                                                             and,                                                                                                                                                  at the time, I couldn’t”                                                                                                                    

~  Syanna Wand 

On Selfishness

Not sure how many times I either said to myself or asked myself while caring for mom… am I being selfish?…was that selfish?…I’m just being selfish…

I see fellow caregivers here saying those things also… so I ask…

How can we possibly ascribe our actions as being selfish when we’ve selflessly given up our own lives essentially, to care, oversee, direct, entertain, supervise and comfort our LOs, among many other things.  

You, my fellow dementia warriors, are definitely NOT selfish!  

I hope you find some peace and comfort today in what you are doing and handling for your LO.      Jen

Arrowhead

For some reason, self-doubt is a trait many people have. We often feel that we're not doing enough even though we're doing all that we can. When we don't see the results that we expect to see we tend to blame ourselves. We also desire to help others, sometimes to the point of neglecting ourselves. We need to be selfish at times to recharge ourselves so that we can continue to be selfless towards others. We need to learn to not be so hard on ourselves sometimes.

SusanB-dil

Thank you for your thoughts m&m and Arrowhead.

I hadn't thought about it much, but we really can't do much else right now... probably not for the next few years?  And so we do what we can with what we've got, right!

May flowers

Well said, M&M! I know I felt both of those things, but now in hindsight as we are trying to get back to life as before, I am amazed at how caregiving consumed so much of our time and energy. Even before he lived with us, there was not a day that went by that we didn’t think about him or handle something regarding his care. 

VKB

I feel you are right in saying that caregivers give so much of themselves.  Yet sometimes we do fall prey to selfishness because we are human and only God is perfect.  We can pray and pick ourselves up and start again without holding onto to guilt.

I did it for 9 years, so I know.  It is a very hard job.  Caregivers are some of the best people in the world. They all need to get plenty of "Me Time" so they won't get burned out.  Rest is a necessity not a luxury.  

Thanks for the encouragement to the many caregivers still working at one of the hardest jobs there is.