How long is it safe for him to drive?

Lissyvigeen

My husband is 85, undiagnosed, but I suspect somewhere around Stage 3, and he loves to drive.  He's always been a very skillful driver, and his skills and eyesight are still excellent.  He knows the routes most commonly used to our most common destinations, but for anything new or not common, I have to guide him.  What concerns me most is some lapses in common sense/good judgment -- in areas not related to operating a vehicle.  I ride with him on almost all excursions, and so far am not concerned about his driving -- but I foresee a time when I may need to be.

If he has to stop driving, it will be a huge loss for him.  He has commented more than once that it's such a pleasure to have something he can still do that doesn't hurt.  (He has arthritis in knees & ankles.)  And often when he drives me to the grocery store or some such -- he thanks me for letting him do it.

And -- I don't want him to end up hurting himself or anybody else.

Does anybody know of a handy checklist for things to watch for?

Michael Ellenbogen

It sounds to me like he is okay since you don't see issues with his driving.  But what has me concerned is why you don't know what is wrong with him. It sounds like your focus is in the wrong direction.

ImMaggieMae

If someone were to pull out in front of him unexpectedly or if a child were to run out in front of his car, could he react instantly? If you are questioning it you probably already know the answer. If someone were hurt or killed because he couldn’t respond quickly enough, neither of you would ever forgive yourselves.

JoseyWales

I thought my husband was a good driver after diagnosis, too. Until he told me about the 2 times he got lost. And that time, on Christmas Eve, as we were headed home when he stopped at a red light on a state highway, then immediately proceeded into the intersection to turn left while we still had a red light. In front of oncoming cars. 

Luckily the cars were far enough away to not be a problem. BUT, even though I thought he was a good driver, there was NOTHING I could have done when he pulled out in front of those cars. DH, DS and I could all be dead now. 

dayn2nite2

Take a good look at the car in daylight - any dings, scrapes, tire/rim scrapes?  Ask him what happened.  

Does he take a long time to come back from a specific errand?  You might also put an AirTag in the car and follow the car when he goes out - is he getting lost?

You might also want to have a discussion with your insurance company and what the consequences of allowing a person who has been diagnosed with dementia to drive.  Or you can say as part of his workup he needs to have a driving evaluation (get that from an occupational therapy group/rehab facility).

Editing to add:  My mother was still working and actually was on her way home from work in the dark when she came upon a police car that had pulled someone over in the right lane.  She was unable to react in time and smacked the police car in the rear, totaling her car and being charged with reckless driving.  Big fine, the cop actually thought she could have been drunk because she was so confused.  Had to hire a lawyer to get the charge reduced.

Got a new car and 2 weeks after that, she was at the bank drive-thru (when it wasn't open) and scraped the entire side of the car against the poles in the lane because she misjudged how much space she needed.  Car was repaired but that was the last of her driving.  Often, you don't know until something bad happens.  To talk to her, neither incident was her fault and she couldn't tell me why she was at the bank drive-thru on a Sunday when the bank wasn't open (not using ATM).

sandwichone123

This is a pretty common concern for us to have, and there is information available:

https://www.alz.org/search?searchtext=driving

I did a search on the ALZ.org link above, and there are guidelines. That said, I was concerned about my dh's driving and reached out to his insurance agent. Rules vary from state to state, but his agent said, "Oh no, people with Alz drive all the time. He's probably fine for years yet." My son was concerned enough that he said he did not want me riding along--I drove when we were together. Within five months after that, he totaled his car. He tells a coherent and credible story in which it was not his fault, but the fact is I do not know.

Pat6177

Lissy, I applaud you for being aware and questioning when he should stop driving before you have a formal diagnosis. In hindsight, my DH should have stopped driving a year before he was diagnosed. I second D2N2s suggestion to get a driving evaluation done by an occupational therapist. It’s probably a good idea whether he has dementia or not. It’ll keep everyone safe and put your mind at ease.

Belldream

This is one of the toughest things earlier on that we all face. My husband was a drag racer, a mechanic, owned his own speed shop, etc. He could assemble an engine without a thought. Telling him he could no longer drive would have been taking away one of the biggest things he loved doing. I purposely tried to go everywhere with him, but i couldnt always be there. I know I waited too long, and he knew the doctors were telling him he should have a driver's test, which he would not do. I was so lucky his car broke and he couldn't remember how to fix it. I had recently purchased a Prius and he couldn't figure out how to drive it, despite lessons from me (earlier on when he was fine to drive and i wasnt questioning his ability). In hindsight, that should have been a big sign of his decline. He now occasionally refers to needing to drive somewhere, but it doesn't go much further than that. He has no access to keys and he doesn't even know where his broken car is right now. I'm glad the decision was made for us. My point is, don't wait too long. You can always blame the doctors for making him take a test. That's what I would have done had it come down to it.

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MaryG123

Lissyvigeen,

I commend you for bringing up this topic, as it’s a hard one.  At some point, each of us will have to give up driving.  It’s one of the most dangerous things we do.  Do you have a plan B?  You can talk to your DH about this, and get his input, as in “We aren’t getting any younger and eventually we won’t be able to drive.  What will our options be?”  I have taught my DH how to use Lyft and Uber, and have a tracking app on his phone so I can see where he is.  He rarely uses it, and I’ve promised to drive him anywhere he needs to go.  We’ve agreed not to travel when we’re tired, or at night.

Everyone’s situation is different, but we all eventually need to address the driving issue, whether we have dementia or not.  Deepa Snow has a helpful video showing how to have a respectful conversation with a PWD about giving up their keys.  And she reminds us that we will need to be prepared to repeat the conversation as necessary.  

Ed1937

Sorry you're dealing with this. It's really a hard thing.

Here's one by Teepa Snow. Dementia and Driving - with Teepa Snow of Positive Approach to Care 

Clint Eastwood once said "Do you feel lucky?"

jfkoc

A reasonable rule of thumb, would you let him drive with only a child with him in the fromt seat????

Bob in LW

Since your husband has not been diagnosed, you are in a sort of grey area.  My SO has been diagnosed with early dementia and had a minor accident.  Her son, who has POA, spoke to his attorney who advised him that should she cause a serious accident HE could be liable since he knew that she was impaired and did not keep her from driving.  After reading other posts on this board, it is evident that loss of driving is by far the most difficult thing for someone to accept.

harshedbuzz

The short answer is that he's safe to drive until he no longer isn't. You might be given a "close call" warning to end his driving. Or his first real incident could kill/maim someone and/or wipe you out financially. 

This comes up a lot. For certain PWD, man of a certain age especially, cars and driving define who they are. The "solutions" tab has an entire section devoted to the topic>

Dementia & Driving | Alzheimer's Association

and 

Alzheimer's Navigator (alzheimersnavigator.org)

Dementia is about so much more than memory as you mentioned, it's the poor attention, ability to multitask and decision making that makes continued driving risky as time goes on. I am sorry that the doctor isn't more help in getting to the root of what is going on. Two concerns I would have:

1. Dementia is progressive. Since you don't know what type, fitness to drive is harder to determine. One of dad's mixed dementias resulted in very poor spatial reasoning. He once excoriated me for refusing to park all 3 of his cars in the garage. When I pointed out that his new house had a one-car garage, he insisted her could fit all 3 in. Progression could look different based on the type of dementia. In Alzheimer's there's generally a gentle consistent decline. Vascular dementia can look like a series of steep declines and plateaus. You could be reassured by his driving skills Monday and have him turn up lost in the next state before the week is out. 

2. The other piece to dementia being progressive is that in the event of an accident, the odds of a lawsuit could be higher just given his age. The time it takes for such a suit to go through fact-finding, depositions and scheduling a court date could result in a person being called to defend himself who is much more impaired cognitively than at the time of the accident. My mom (who does not have dementia) was sued over an accident she caused in April 2019. The case didn't settle until September 2021. A PWD could change a lot in that period of time. 

There are specially trained OTs who can assess people for driving safety.

Practitioner's Toolkit—OT’s role in driving rehab | AOTA

HB

ImMaggieMae

jfkoc wrote:

A reasonable rule of thumb, would you let him drive with only a child with him in the fromt seat????

jfkoc, that’s the simplest and best one I’ve heard.

PlentyQuiet

Just sharing my experience with the OT driving eval. DH was still in the MCI stage, and seemed to be driving okay but I was still concerned. DH saw the OT who administered the MoCA. This showed deficits in reasoning and "an inability to ignore irrelevant stimuli". It was the last one that put a stop to his driving (with the OT being the bad guy). Testing showed he was simply too distractible to be aware of all dangers of the road. 

Having the assessment to tease out his shortcomings really made the decision easy. Now he enjoys being the one to have a beer when we go out for lunch (I make a big deal out of having to abstain) and having a personal driver. 

Gig Harbor

My husbands driving skills were great. I never saw him make any errors in judgement. However one day when we were driving on a stretch of highway that he drove on everyday for 30 years and drove frequently when he retired, he had no idea where he was. He didn’t know if he was driving towards Seattle or Portland. That was the last day he drove. I figured dementia had damaged a large part of his brain and who knows when the area that controlled driving skills would be next. I could not take a chance on him killing someone. He was not happy but it was the way it had to be.

Rescue mom

My DH with Alzheimer’s drove just fine, as far as operating the vehicle goes. It was when the police brought him home because of obvious problems because he didn’t know where he was, where he wanted to go, or why he was in the car —and we found that wasn’t the first such incident—that we knew there was a serious problem (understatement) and he had to stop. 

Very much like Gig Harbor wrote.

I cannot even begin to say how many times there’s been local news stories about a driver with dementia causing a deadly accident. (I live in a retiree/second home area). Invariably there’s film of grieving family saying things like “it was so close” or “we didn’t think he was that bad.”

Lissyvigeen

Thanks, everybody. This is really helpful.